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Is it wrong to feel disappointed? Yes, Jessica it is. Stop it.
“My mum would lose her mind if she knew we were here together, right now… have you… ah, never mind, actually.” He stops himself from continuing. Panic rises in my body for the fear of him asking about the one person I still don’t want to talk about. Even after all these years and the therapy, I still can’t bring myself to talk about her.
“What?” I ask before I can stop myself, praying that my nerves keep quiet.
“I was going to ask if you were seeing anyone or if you had found someone to spend your life with. Then I realised it isn’t my place to ask.”
I pause for a second to think about Evan. I can barely call that a relationship but I suppose we were seeing each other for a while. Other than that, my history with men has been pretty diabolical and there has definitely been no one I wanted to spend my life with.
“No, I haven’t... no one ever loved me the way you did.” I mumble the last part because that is one hell of a statement for a casual catch up on the terrace. My throat thickens and my lips part searching for air that doesn’t come.
Fuck, why did I say that. Fuck.
“Jess,” he breathes, his warm hand is covering mine where it rests on my knee. The zing of contact burns through my skin and directly sizzles into my bloodstream.
I roll my shoulders to ease the tension building at the back of my neck and fold my arms across my body, moving away from his touch. Even that was a little much for me to admit to Liam and I can’t stop my body from going into protection mode.
“But you, where is your date?”
My question breaks the spell and Liam physically recoils, as though remembering something he should have never forgotten. Neither of us speaks. I can barely bring my eyes to look at him, but I know he is looking at me. I can feel it. I’m grateful when I hear Nora’s voice fill the room at the stage, announcing the winners of the silent auction. We both stand, making our way back into the ballroom.
Even though my stomach is in knots right now, I force myself to act unaffected. I smile when I see the elderly couple win the penthouse suite; I clap on cue and to the outside world, I look like I’m not having a complete meltdown in my head.
The last auction was the trip to Paris. Liam and I have a clear view of Nora as her eyes shuffle around the room, flicking around a little before she announces the winner.
16
Jessica
“LiamTaylor,yourbidwas the highest at £25,000 and you have won the trip to Paris for two.”
My mouth gapes, practically hitting the floor as I turn to face Liam. I’m not entirely sure I’m breathing; all the clapping and applause turns to white noise around me.
Liam’s cheeks are pink, his smile is coy as he stands to move back inside and write his cheque to Nora for £25,000.
£25,000!!
God, I’m not ever going to be over that.
The band resumes their final few songs, and people start to crowd the dancefloor again when I realise I’m still sitting outside on the terrace alone, the cold evening air nipping at my skin. My arms instinctively wrap around myself as I brush off the chill and head back inside.
“I can’t believe you bid that much on the Paris trip, Liam. You can back out if you want to.” I hear Nora talking to Liam quietly as I walk up behind them both. Neither of them noticing me yet.
“I wanted to donate more, actually. I didn’t think my bid would win; I thought I would lose to one of the bigwigs in the room, but I’m glad I won. It means something to give to your charity. I want to help where I can, and this is a good start.” His honesty slices through my defences and I feel a warmth spread across my chest.
“I’m guessing the lucky woman you came with tonight will be going with you to Paris?” Nora asks tentatively. I clear my throat and Liam does the same.
“Ah, who knows. Maybe... We’ll see.”
I want to scream,take me, take me, I will happily go with you, but I don’t. I keep my cool. Somehow.
Nora looks at me over Liam’s shoulder. “Can you believe this guy?” she asks incredulously.
I shake my head, forcing a smile before Nora makes her excuses and leaves us alone.
Liam links our hands together when he turns towards me, and he leans in to whisper, “Dance with me?” Not giving me an option to say no, he whisks us towards the dancefloor.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask about his girlfriend again, but all of those thoughts suffocate as soon as I’m pressed against his hard chest, with his arms wrapped around my back and arm.
