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Havemercy,his shame and regret reached clear to her bones.
He turned his gaze to where he stroked those tan, strong fingers along the arm of his chair. “After the Noctambule war, I decided to change my life and use my skills for useful things. I joined The Twelve, took an oath of celibacy, and never looked back.”
She nodded, pierced through at sensing painful shadows in his past. What had happened to bring him to something like that? She tried to remember the details of his personal life. His family. She didn’t know anything.
“Well,” she said, quiet and calmly as she could. “That’s like the good son and the bad son in the bible,” she thought. “Where the father tells them both to do a job and the good son says, ‘Sure thing, poppa, I’ll do it. But then he never does it. The wayward son says ‘Nah, not doing it.’ But later, he changes his mind and does the job. Which one is the good son? The one who did the right thing after all was said and done.”
She watched as his gaze moved into the air between them, unfocused. “Thank you,” he finally said.”
Awww, shaaa peechay. The sound of a man used to being wrongly judged by everybody. “There ain’t no thanks needed, Ethan. I see you’re a good man. Screw what dummies say and think. Some people love believing the worst of others because they’re pieces of shit inside and they know it.”
He remained somber then muttered, “You said earlier you wanted to know everything about my rules so you can decide if you can handle it.
Her nerves woke up at that. “Alright,” she said, regretting how she’d said it but needing to know.
He finally looked at her, locking her tight in his flaming gaze. “I will always be bound by The Twelve’s code. And though I’ve never been with a woman long enough to call it a relationship, I do know what I want and donotwant. What I can tolerate and can’t.”
Her nerves woke up at the mention of him being with a woman, wondering if that’s where his ghosts came from. “Alright.”
“I’m extremely possessive,” he informed with a severity that maybe should’ve worried her. But didn’t. “Might even be mistaken for illogically jealous. Jealous, yes, but illogically, no. That character trait solidified into stone after a very brief relationship that ended in unfaithfulness. So, when I told you what’s mine is mine, I mean it with every fiber of my body.” She was still glued to those eyes, this news explaining a lot. “When I said if you need or want male company, or need anything that a husband would provide—that is exclusivelynon-negotiable. If you still agree to our arrangement, you’re mine. Entirely. Completely. What does that mean to me exactly? That if I want or need anything from you that a wife provides, you give it. Whatever it is you want that only a husband provides, it’s yours. Regarding your lack of experience, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Iwantto learn what you want or need and I want to makesureyou get it perfectly, completely, and anytime you want or need it. Understand that no war, no fight between you and I, no disagreement, and no event in thislifewillevercome between that. At the end of the day, or any part of the day, if you have a want or a need, just say it and I’m there. Unless I’m at war, or somehow unable to for whatever valid reason, then you’ll wait. As long as it takes. The same goes for me.”
Breathe. In and out. Steady breaths.She nodded, worried only about one thing. “I…I don’t like the…porn things. In a marriage.”
“The only woman I willeversee naked is you. If I want to see you, I will. In whatever way I want to see you. You also get the same from me.”
Mud and muck, now she had to ask what that meant! What didseeher in whatever way he wanted mean? How many ways could oneseea person?
This is a biological business arrangement. You can’t leave any areas gray.She cleared her throat and forced it out. “Some of your uh, terms, are kinda cloudy for me.”
“Which ones?”
She set the coffee cup down on the little table next to her before she spilled it all over herself. “The uh…part about…seeing me. However you want to.” She tucked her legs under herself.
“Naked. Your body is mine and if I should want to look at it, it’s mine to look at. Every part of it, every angle. Whatever position.”
“Position.” She wasn’t a porn person, but she couldn’t help but guess he meant one of those centerfolds. “You mean those…porn poses?”
“No, I mean thosewifeposes. It’s not the things they do in porn that’s wrong Cat, it’s who they do it with.”
Everything in her balked while her body tingled in all the wrong places. Or maybe they were right. “I…you want me to do…certain sex things?”
He gave a light scoff like she were dense as a rock. “I may want you to dowifethings on occasion.”
Which was fine but… “That’s what I’ve been trying to understand. If I don’t knowanything—”
“Cat. I’m not asking you to perform complex circus acts,” he said, apparently finding her funny. “But if I want to see you naked in various positions, I’ll instruct you.”
Now she got it. Ho. Lee. Mo. Lee. “Got it.” She suddenly needed affirmation about this being a mostly non-sexualarrangementoutside of her baby payment. “And since you said you know hownotto need a woman, then…I’d expect those occasions to be…a little rare.”
She was stuck in his gooey, hot caramel eyes, forgetting all about the breathing requirement. “Yes. Unless you decide that you want and need more. But…like you said, you’re very good at not needing a man.”
She twirled a strand of hair around her finger, nodding. Pretty sure that was a damn checkmate. “Yep. I am. Good at not…needing a man, absolutely.”
****
8-Bit shrugged at her, his dead, celibate cockraging. “Then my proposal still stands the same as before.” Only it surely fucking didn’t. He couldn’t believe where the conversation had gone and what it did to him. And her, even as she did her best to hide it. Her virgin responses were burning him alive and her attempts to hide it were a cruel fuel. The need to see her in every position was burning a hole in his hard drive now. What had she been thinking and doing in that tub isallhis brain wanted to know. And hernoexperience—hisbiggestfantasy. Everything he’d once liked in porn sat right there across from him. All his. To have however he wanted. But he’d already made other arrangements with her. Arrangements that involved little to no sexual interactions. Something said he needed to stick to that, but the why of it was getting harder to answer.
Any changes made had to come at her hands. He’d make her ask for it. Then again, seeing herbegwould very soon be a critical fantasy he’d need to fulfill, he was sure.
