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“Yeah.” He laughs more and touches one of my cheeks. “Aw, you’re blushing. Cutie.”
I have to chuckle along with him as I say, “Well, she tattled on you, too. After you came to visit, she said you wanted to go back to being around us all the time but were nervous I was too mad to allow it.”
“Oh my God, that kid….”
We fully dissolve into quiet laughter at realizing just how much work she’s been putting into bringing us back together.
I guess we’re not being quiet enough, though, because her croaky voice comes to us from down the hall. “Annie? Landon?” She’s already awake again.
He steps back from me for propriety’s sake, but he takes hold of my hands.
“Should we tell her the good news?” he asks hopefully.
I nod. “We should!”
Needless to say, she nearly explodes with joy. Once again, she mentions us being in love and getting married, but he takes it in stride just like I do; I bet she was already saying that stuff to him just as she was to me. It makes us laugh all over again.
It also has us wanting to kiss each other again—the desire pulses through the looks he and I can’t help sending each other. I groan inwardly at my couple of wasted chances to do it earlier.
I guess a good time for all that will come back around eventually.
Nowis a good time for them to tell me about the dance.
He runs down to his car and fetches lots of exciting things: a second-place ribbon, a beautiful cupcake, two strips of pictures, and a ten-dollar gift card to the movie theater. Rae is happier than I’ve ever seen her as the two of them regale me with the details of their amazing evening.
I can tell he’s at his brightest, too. I feel like I’m standing next to the sun.
AndI’mhappier thanI’veever been.
So this is how it feels to get something out of life instead of life constantly getting something out of me.
*
My happiness stayed in place as seconds and minutes and hours of being Landon’s girlfriend ticked by. It was made even better by the private heart-to-heart I had with Rae about this new development; she iselatedto have him back.
But the next afternoon, I realized I was nervous, too…not because I was doubting that what I was doing was right, but because I’ve never been anybody’s girlfriend before.
Was the way I acted prior to our fight—plus my newfound bravery, of course—going to be enough for Landon? Did I have to be more or less playful now? More or less concerned with my looks?
It was embarrassing, but I had to ask him about it. On our second night of being a couple, we got Rae in bed and then sat close on the couch to quietly discuss my worry that things would change between us somehow.
I should’ve known he would ease it within moments.
“You’re still you and I’m still me,” he told me, “and that’s the way I like it. We’re justusnow. There’s nothing to be nervous about.” His eyes drifted across my lips a moment before his fingertips did, so gently it made me want to moan. “The only changes we’re going to see are good ones, like….”
“We can kiss each other,” I finished for him.
He nodded. “And I can hold your hand the way I really want to.” His free hand picked up one of mine and he laced our fingers together.
That made me smile because I didn’t know he wanted such a thing. “And….”
The last hot dream I’d had of him came into my mind.
Although he didn’t know about it, he seemed to sense where my mind had gone—I might’ve squeezed his hand, might’ve stopped breathing properly and given myself away. And it brought on another important topic: sex.
He’d kissed my cheek and said so softly, so intently, “Liv, I can’t lie: I want you. I want…I wanteverysingleinch of you. But I would rather die than do something to upset you or bring back bad memories, so can we talk about how you feel about things like that? Can you tell me how to keep you comfortable?”
So I didn’t lie either. I told him I can handle sex, told him about the guys in my teenage years and that the act was only really uncomfortable with the first one. However, I was always in control: the abuse I endured as a child dictated what I could and couldn’t do during sex later in life. I always picked when and where it happened, I never allowed foreplay, and I was never on my back; there were no surprises, no wandering fingers, and no bodies on top of mine. And I never let them put their hands over my mouth.
