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It’s more than I hoped for.
And it’s in my mind now. It’s going to stick with me even if it doesn’t stick with her.
I compose myself so I can say, “Thank you. It’s—it’s okay. I love you.”
She nods slightly, gives me another faint smile, surprises me with more words: “Love is nice.”
Sighing shakily, I nod. “It is, Lolly. Love is really nice.” I think about her a little more, and then I think about Liv. “I don’t knowwhatI would be without it.”
“A giraffe.”
I stare at her, processing her serious tone. It’s like she thinks she said something along the lines of,‘A sad, lonely bastard.’
For what feels like the first time in forever, I’m amused by her.
“A giraffe,” I agree. “That’s right.”
Silence falls again. Even though it’s not exactly comfortable, I don’t break it. I hope she doesn’t break it either. I just want to be here and not have words ruining shit.
But after maybe a minute, she begins to look at me distinctly uneasily, and she may as well be voicing it. Whoever she thought I was before is someone different from who she thinks I am now, and not in a good way.
I stand up from my chair, saddened—saddened, not full of despair. Liv was right about this being helpful to me.
“I guess I should go,” I say.
Lolly nods, looking impatient and nervous.
She’s not going to like it, but I say it anyway, as always: “I love you.”
Her breathing speeds up and her eyes widen like she’s about to start crying for help.
That’s something I really don’t want to happen. It’s hard enough knowing she has shifted in that direction; hell, it’s hard when she doesn’t recognize me and isokaywith it.
So I just walk out of the room, extracting my phone from my pocket so I can tell my girls I’m ready to go home.
When I find them coming back from the courtyard, Rae takes one of my hands and says, “I really hope your talk with Lolly went okay. Annie said it was an important one.”
Liv looks at me apologetically, clearly hoping I’m not mad she said that.
I’m not, so I hook an arm around her neck and kiss her forehead before I answer Rae. “It went okay, I guess. As well as it could have for how…you know…how tired her brain is.”
“Yeah. I think all the rest of her is pretty tired, too, but I’m glad she wasn’t too tired to talk.”
“Mmhmm! Me, too.” I squeeze her hand. “Thanks for caring, you little Care Bear.”
She giggles. “Care Bear!”
Liv laughs, too, softly. Her hand rubs soothingly between my shoulder blades as she says where only I can hear, “If you feel like telling me about it later, I’ll listen.”
I nod and kiss the tip of her nose this time. “Thank you, baby.”
“Where are we going now?” Rae asks.
I wink at Liv and bring up something she told me this morning. “Well, I believe it’s time to start thinking about birthday party plans for a certain someone.”
Rae gasps and starts jumping up and down. “Me! For me! It’s almost my birthday!”
I have to laugh. “It sure is!”
