Page 176 of Feels Like Forever


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“No.” I kiss her knuckles right back. “I love you today, though.”

“Well, that’s amazing, because I happen to love you today, too.”

“Shit, thatisamazing.”

We get back to talking about elementary-school-friendly topics, but only for a couple minutes. Then the principal—the woman who did the announcements at the dance, I realize—walks onstage to greet us all and get things started.

The program begins with the youngest students: first-graders. They shuffle out in snowman outfits consisting of black pants, decorated white long-sleeved shirts, orange noses, and headbands boasting cutouts of top hats. The ones who aren’t crying or staring blankly at the crowd do a decent job of singing to the instrumental “Frosty the Snowman” music. Almost all of them have to look to their teachers for help with the dance moves, but it’s still a really cute number.

After the first-graders walk away, the second-graders come out. They also have on black pants with their reindeer shirts and antler headbands. Liv and I look at each other excitedly before we start peering around for Rae—and we find her on our side of the room. Score! We don’t have to leave our seats.

She’s looking for us, too, clearly nervous again. We wave big until she spots us, and her face lights up as she waves back. We can just make out her little voice saying our names over the noise in the room.

I get a video on my phone of their performance of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Rae is the smallest, skinniest, most adorable reindeer, and she keeps her eyes on us like Liv suggested in the car. We can tell she paid attention to the song and dance during her school practices because she does a kick-ass job, only looks at her teacher for help on one short part. When it’s over, we get on our feet and cheer loudly, which earns us giggles and blown kisses before she dances off the stage on her tiptoes.

The third-graders sing “Jingle Bells” with bells in their hands and around their necks. It’s not as cute as the other two songs, but they still do a good job (from what I can hear over all the jingling, anyway). There are fewer fear-frozen kids in this group than in the others, I notice. And one boy rings his bells without a single pause, not caring about the melody of the song whatsoever, so that’s funny.

The next song is “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” The fourth-grade kids have the most elaborate outfits—each of them is either a Santa or a Mrs. Claus—and they have the most solid performance just because they’re the oldest group. I think it’s kind of silly that the boys have on fake beards, though, because it makes their faces harder to see. I’m glad Rae didn’t have any accessories like that to deal with.

After they’re done, the other grades come back out so they can all sing “Deck the Halls” as their finale. They all hold the last note as long as they can, which gets extra laughter and applause out of the crowd because there are some red faces and clenched fists up on the stage. When they’re all finally out of breath, they take a bow and are herded away, and the rest of us are given instructions to pick our kids up at their classrooms.

“She did such a good job!” Liv exclaims to me as we inch our way through the loud throng. “Was it just me or was she the best reindeer ever?”

“She was the best!” I agree. “Totally awesome! And did you see how some of the other reindeer fluffs were coming off near the end? You did great sewing hers on.”

“Thank you! I did see that. And I hope she can keep her antlers, because those are so cute.”

“Yeah, well, if they make her give them back, we’ll get her some.”

When we finally get to her classroom, she’s sitting at a desk, swinging her feet, patting her reindeer fluff.

Just like she did on the stage, she brightens right up when she sees us. She bursts into excited chatter (she can keep her antlersandher shirt) and we tell her how completely proud we are of her.

Momentarily, I hear a sniffle from our left, and I look over and see another little girl quietly getting told off by her dad.

Although I can’t be sure, Ithinkthey were at the dance, sitting on the sidelines; I think she’s one of the girls I had Rae bring into our fun group on the dance floor.

I take in the tension in the man’s shoulders, how he’s got his hands on his hips and a sneer on his face as his lips move quickly. I can’t make out his words, but his tone isn’t kind. The girl, whose cheeks are wet, has her shoulders hunched and her hands twisting together like she’s in real trouble.

I turn to mention it to Liv, and I notice she’s already looking at the man with stiffness in her spine.

Does she know him?

I ask her about it, and she shakes her head and says, “No, I can just…feel him.” She shakes her head again and drifts a sad look along the girl. “He’s not nice.”

She’s told me before that she and Rae have a kind of sixth sense when it comes to people’s vibes. I glance down at Rae to see if she, too, is looking at the man uneasily, but she’s talking to a boy on her other side.

A sudden grip on my arm brings my attention back to Liv.

Her eyes are on the man and crying girl, but she’s leaning into me. “I just heard him tell her she’s a disappointment and that if she trips on the way to the car like she did going off the stage, she’s getting a spanking when they get home.”

I blink slowly. “What the…? Is he serious?” I didn’t see her trip because I was watching Rae the whole time, but it should’ve been more humiliating for her than for him.

Liv looks pained as she nods. “Yeah. Look how slowly she’s walking.”

I turn around…and it’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. She really is taking every step carefully as she follows her impatient dad toward the door.

“I’m going to tell her she did a good job,” Liv rushes out as she releases my arm.

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