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I didn’t need a shoulder to cry on then, and I don’t need one now.
I check on some things around the house, like that the hamburger meat will be thawed enough for dinner and that Abby’s present is still safe in my room, wrapped and ready for tomorrow; I’m glad we were able to buy it early and don’t have to worry about it now. Then, deciding I could still benefit from some time outdoors, I stick my head into Rae’s room and ask if she wants to go to the park. It’ll be muddy out there, but it wasn’t actually raining when we got home, so I don’t see why we can’t go if she’s up for it.
On the way to the elevator, she guesses why I suggested the trip.
“You need some fresh air, don’t you?” She wraps both hands around one of mine. “I heard you talking on the phone and you didn’t sound happy.”
I may not burden her with adult problems, but I don’t lie to her, either. “Iwasn’thappy, but it’ll be all right. I feel better now and, yes, going to the park will help even more.”
“Uh huh! Being outside with the ducks will make youreallyfeel better!” She lets go of me to run forward and enthusiastically press the button for the elevator.
“Yes, they will!”
“Will we see some baby ones?” She looks at me with wide eyes and her tongue stuck goofily between her teeth, like I have sole control of whether or not ducklings will be there. How silly.
“Maybe!” I give the look back to her.
Since she has never seen a baby duck in real life, she starts asking about them—what time of year they’re born, if they’re all really yellow, where exactly they live in the park. The only thing I know for sure is, no, they aren’t all yellow, but she doesn’t seem to mind. When I don’t know the answer to one question, she just moves on to another.
As the elevator arrives with a soft ding, she asks, “Can ducks understand each other when they quack?”
The doors open and I step forward. “I like to think—oh!”
I collide hard with someone exiting the elevator in such a rush that they knock me back a few steps.
I hear Rae gasp and hear the person—the man—groan distractedly, “Ugh, God, sorry….” He bumbles clumsily around me, like he can’t get away fast enough.
Embarrassed, I insist, “Oh, no,I’msorry. I wasn’t paying attention—um—”
—Landon.
Yeah, I’ve just realized he’s who slammed into me.
I’m even more embarrassed than I was…but only for a second, and then I’m concerned by how troubled he looks. His hands are over his eyes and his shoulders are slumped. He’s so out of it that he hasn’t bothered seeing who I am.
“Landon,” I say aloud, carefully, “are you all right?”
He shuffles to a stop, turns back this way, and lowers his hands to blink at me. He looks like he’s been so deep in thought that even if he had been watching where he was going before, he still might’ve run into me. And now that I can really see his face, his distress is even more obvious. His eyes are heavy, there’s a frown carved into his forehead, and his dark hair seems to have been mussed by his hands several times; he looks like he’s desperate to get home.
At least, he does until he recognizes me. Then he sucks in a breath and seems to come alive.
“Liv! Hey!” His eyes fly over me as the situation catches up with him. “Oh, no! Oh myGod,I’m so fu—”
“Hey,” I echo, clamping my hands over Rae’s ears. I don’t say it meanly, just a little warningly, because maybe he wasn’t about to say‘fucking,’but I’ve heard him cuss before and I’d rather assume incorrectly than have her accidentally hear it.
His eyes drop to her and he instantly gets it. “Whoa, yeah, sorry! I just—are you all right? Are both of you all right? I’m sorry I ran into you.” He glances between the two of us now, like he’s searching for injuries.
I take my hands off Rae’s ears and check with her. When it’s clear that neither of us is hurt—luckily, I’m the only one who even got run into—I nod at Landon.
“We’re okay. And it was my fault, so don’t apologize. I know better than to stand in the way like that. Guess I was too focused on our chat.” After I spend a few seconds looking him over and wondering what he was so down about before, I ask again, “Areyouall right?”
“Oh, yeah, that didn’t hurt me at all.”
I nod and then shake my head. “Well, good, but no, I meant—uh—” I gesture awkwardly at his face and then cross my arms.
I’m an idiot. What am I even asking about this for?
He looks confused. “What? Do you mean the choking thing?” Before I can respond, he scratches his head and amends, “Well, no, that happened days ago, why would you ask about that? I—listen, you know what? I’m kind of a mess right now, honestly. I had to leave work early for an emergency and it’s messed with me ever since, so I’ll just give my final answer as,‘I don’t know if I’m all right.’”
