Page 31 of Feels Like Forever


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“Shoot,” I say easily.Ask away! Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you! Let’s become friends!

“All right.” A concerned frown creases her pretty features. “Um…what emergency were you upset about yesterday?”

…Oh.

I wasn’t expecting her question to be about that.

I think she can tell.

After Abby and her friends get out their shrieks about the dollhouse, she continues, “I know it’s not my business, but I have to ask because I…” her frown deepens and she seems to struggle with the words, “…well…I know what it looks like when, uh…when someone is onlypretendingthat nothing terrible has happened to them.”

I’m curious about the meaning there, but I’ll save that question for another day. I frown, too, a little, as I look at her and think back on what happened with Lolly. Although this discussion was unanticipated, I have to say I’m not shocked by the confirmation that Liv didn’t believe my forced optimism yesterday.

“I hope you aren’t offended,” she says. A gust of hot wind flings her ponytail into her face, and she brushes it back as apology touches her eyes. “I just couldn’t ignore it.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not offended at all.”

I didn’t bother with the truth yesterday for a few reasons. I wasn’t sure it was appropriate to talk about at the elevator or in front of Rae—or maybe even at all, given that it’s a heavy topic for me and Liv isn’t terribly open. She’s nice, but I couldn’t really picture that chat not being grimly awkward, so it seemed like a brush-off was the best idea.

But the longer I look at her here, the more I want to tell her about Lolly. She doesn’t read as closed-off right now—in fact, she’s been relatively friendly. She reads as sincerely compassionate. Trustworthy.

So I jump right in. “Well, my grandma has pretty much been my mom for my whole life, because she and my grandpa took me in when I was a baby after my parents ditched me—that’s a big reason why I think you’re so awesome about Rae. So I love Lolly—my grandma—like crazy, and she has Alzheimer’s, which has been getting kind of bad for a while now, so she lives at Quiet Springs and she had an outburst yesterday. The worst one yet. She normally just yells, but this time she hurt one of her caregivers and then fell and hurt herself. Hit her head and broke a hip. She had to be hospitalized.”

Liv’s eyes have gone wide with worry. “What?Oh my God.”

I nod. Remembering how I felt at the hospital puts a dull ache in my stomach.

“Yeah, and she’s going to be okay—I mean,her injurieswill be okay—but…I don’t know. I mean, I saw her yesterday morning before work and she was doing great, and then all that happened out of nowhere. So I left work early and went to see her, but I just sat there for forever because they wouldn’t let me out of the waiting room while they treated her. When I finally got back to see her, she was asleep, which I didn’t like because I wanted to talk to her. And I couldn’t seem to think straight. I was kind of numb or something and didn’t really know how to react to any of it. I was just standing around. Just standing around and looking at her. Then they told me to go home since she wouldn’t be awake for a while, and as I was leaving, it all came into focus.”

I swallow hard and shake my head.

“I felt helpless and sad and—andscared,‘cause she’s so important to me and I hate that she’s falling apart, you know? And I just wanted to get home because I felt sick, and….” I gesture at Liv. “You know the rest, I guess.”

She looks outright pained now.

“Landon,” she says lowly, “I’m…I’m so sorry.”

I cross my arms, then uncross them, then crack my knuckles. I realize that, even in the September heat, I’m fucking shaking.

She notices, too, and her eyes grow even sadder.

And then, to my utmost surprise, she touches me.

Her hand swipes gently, unsurely, comfortingly down my arm.

Swipes my sorrow down a few notches.

I appreciate the utter hell out of it.

I also appreciate the kindness in her next words: “If you ever want to talk about her, you can talk to me.”

I wonder why Amanda hadn’t been able to muster up concern like this—or, hell, even a fraction of it. She never even tried. Never attempted to comfort me with a touch like that. Never looked me in the eyes and told me she so much aswishedshe could help, let alone assured me she’d be there if I needed her.

I tell Liv, “Thank you,” so earnestly the words are almost whispered.

She replies, “No need to thank me.”

It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard her say. She has no idea how much gratitude she deserves.

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