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“Aw,” I laugh. “Can’t say no to that, can I?”
“You can, actually, so if you don’t feel like doing it, let’s figure out something else beforehand.”
“No, I don’t mind,” I say easily. “It’ll be entertaining.”
She glances at me rather apologetically.
I want to reassure her that I’m down for arts and crafts, but instead I’m reminded of something less fun that I think needs to be mentioned. “Hey, I gotta be honest with you about something. It sucks and I’m so, so sorry—I feel terrible, but I want you to know about it.”
A frown comes onto her face as she looks at me directly. “What?”
Crossing my arms, I confess, “When Lolly freaked out on me the other day…well, I told you she threw stuff at me. One thing was the coaster Rae made.” My heart sinks at the memory. “I—I don’t know for sure that it broke because I didn’t look, but it sounded like—like it may have.”
Her frown deepens. “Oh….”
“I’m so sorry.”
To my surprise, the frown eases up and she gives me a small, kind smile. “No, it’s…it’s okay. It does suck, but it wasn’t your fault. I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it.”
“She worked so hard on it, though,” I say sadly.
Her smile turns sad, too, now. “I know.” She shrugs. “Maybe we can explain it to her somehow and have her make another one.”
I nod halfheartedly. “Maybe.”
“It’s okay. I promise.” She waits for me to nod again, and then she goes back to watching Rae.
I get comfortable leaning forward and watch along with her.
At least, I try to. My thoughts quickly start drifting away from the rambunctious kids swinging and sliding and jumping and running—they drift away from the hot, sunshiny park and into Lolly’s hospital room.
I mean, Iguessshe’s still in there. No one has called to tell me she’s been taken back to Quiet Springs.
Today marks the fifth day in a row that I haven’t seen her.
I haven’t even called to see how she’s doing.
This is the longest I’ve ever gone without checking on her in some way.
With each passing day, the guilt grows sharper; it’s begun to make me feel sick. What do I do, though, really? Go see her even though I don’t want to? Risk another terrible outburst when I’m not even over the last one?
I love Lolly and I miss her, but shit, man.Shit,it still hurts.
“What’s on your mind?” comes a soft voice from beside me.
I turn my attention to Liv—and for some reason, I’m struck hard by how starkly perfect she looks. She’s also leaning forward, one leg draped over the other, arms crossed over her knee so her hands dangle lazily in the air. Her windblown mass of strawberry blonde hair is streaming down her back and over her shoulders, just barely tucked behind her ears. She’s wearing sneakers and shorts and a breezy, sleeveless top, so her fair skin is on display. Being outdoors is lightening her eyes, and her lips are faintly shiny like she just wet them.
Jesus.
How…howis it that this isn’t the first time I’ve looked at her since I got here, but I’m only just nowreallylooking at her?
“Are you all right?” she asks a little worriedly now.
“Uh,” I mumble. I blink hard and will myself to remember what I was thinking about before she sidetracked me.
And then I remember, and I feel like inexplicably drooling over Liv sounds quite a bit better than dwelling on what a terrible grandson I am.
“Yes,” I finally say. “I mean, no. I—” I huff out a breath. “It’s just that it’s been five days since I last saw Lolly and I feel like an asshole about it.”
