AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I get that a lot. The whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing,” I mumble.
“No, it’s more than that.” He runs a hand through his hair, like he’s trying to make a decision, and then he reaches out with one finger to hold one of mine.
He wants to hold my hand!I wrap my finger around his.
“Thanks again for driving me home last night. I’m sorry about what happened outside . . . both times.” I drop my eyes to the ground. I know I should be feeling incredibly embarrassed by my behavior, instead I just want to laugh remembering my conversation with the girls this morning.
“No worries, I gather you have your reasons, which is your business, and that’s all right by me. I’m just glad you’re okay.” Hearing his kind and genuine words, my eyes immediately lift to his. Most people when they find out I have panic attacks and anxiety, they make me feel uncomfortable and awkward. They probe me with questions and offer unwanted advice. This is the first time I can ever remember someone just accepting me as I am, and he’ll never know how much this means to me. I already liked him before, and this just made him so much more becoming.
“Av! Are you two coming or what?” Emma yells from the outside.
“Yeah, she’s kind of persistent,” I giggle. “We should go join them.”
“Or we could leave them and just take off.” He tilts his head toward the front door, grinning.
“Nah, we never have guys around. They’re super excited.” Why did I just say that?
“Really?” He looks at me curiously.
I shake my head, not wanting to answer any more questions. For a brief second, sadness washes over his face and then it’s gone. He must realize it’s because of me.
“All right then, let’s go.” He drops my finger and I grab the plate of cupcakes.
“We eat dessert first,” I say nonchalantly.
“And now I like you even more.” He’s flirting with me and I blush.
Stepping out the French doors, both of us blink at the brightness of the sun and he sneezes three times in a row.
“Bless you,” I say at the exact same time he says, “Bless me.” He runs his hand over his face and then gives me a small one-sided smile. It surprises me how much his face transforms from a rugged expression to a youthful one, and really it’s all because of the dimples.
“The sun makes me sneeze.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Every time?”
“Yep,” he says flatly.
“That’s kind of . . . cute.” I smile at him and he cocks a smirk at me.
“Cute? Whatever you say.” His smirk stretches into a smile. I really like it when he smiles.
Walking down the steps toward the lake, like a gentleman, Ash lets me go first. I try to argue him on this, but he just looks at me like I’m crazy. What I find interesting is I don’t mind it. Yes, I know he’s behind me, and I canfeelhim behind me . . . and that's what usually triggers panic. Not this time though. That is until I feel his hand drift across my lower back and I instantly stiffen. He feels the change in me and drops it. I glance back at him and his lips are pressed into a thin line. I hate how my body reacts to being touched. The sad part is I really want him to put his hand there. It’s nice.
Suddenly, I don’t know how to act normal around him. Not that I am in the first place, but I feel awkward and this is hard. He shrinks the size of the space, sucks up all of the oxygen, and we are outside. I ruined that moment and I’m frustrated. I feel out of control and confused by the way I feel about him. How can I want him to touch me, but not at the same time? And really what does it even matter? In a couple of hours, he’ll be gone and this will be over. The last thing I need right now is to have a crush on some guy who I just met. I need to be focusing on my career and the girls.
“There you two are. Get lost?” Emma says as I set down the plate. “You know, last night we didn't formally meet. Hi, I'm Emma.” She holds out her hand to him and he takes it. Watching such a simple interaction between the two of them causes my stomach to tighten. I'm jealous of that touch; there’s no hesitation, and she so easily accepts it from him.
“Hi, I'm Ash.” He nods to Emma and Cora, looks at me, grins, and then back to her. I like that he acknowledged me in this conversation too.
His friend, Clay, chokes on his beer and starts laughing. “Ash! That’s what I call you.” I don't understand the look on his face or his tone.
“I know. I told her that’s what my friends call me.” Silence passes over our group as the two guys stare at each other. Ash’s expression says “Don't question me on this,” and Clay’s reads confusion.
Ash nods his head at his friend, and then his blue eyes land on me. Heat floods my cheeks. I probably shouldn’t have been watching their exchange, but what I caught on to was the fact that Ash isn’t his real name—it’s a nickname. So really, I don’t know anything more about him than I did last night, except he likes my cupcakes.
“Well, I like the name Ash, it suits you. I'm Cora.” His eyes leave mine and skip to her. She holds out her hand and he takes it. They smile at each other, and that pang of uncomfortable jealousy hits me again. This sucks and I hate this feeling. Pulling up the walls around me, I close off any feelings that might have been developing for him and take my seat in between the girls. Nothing good can come of it anyway, so there’s no use in thinking about it or him.
Closed off. That's how people have come to describe me and that's how I'm going to stay.
