AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I turn on her, anger roaring through me. “Do not think to tell me what Ineedto do. I know what is demanded of me. I know what it is to wear the crown. But I am his wife first, and he needs me. What if he wakes up and I’m not here? What will he think?” I hate how my voice cracks on that last word.
“He would be grateful to you for doing what needs to be done.” Xavier’s attempt at softness falls flat.
“Get out. Both of you.” My eyes are burning as I face Xavier and Cat. She looks startled, like I’ve hit her or yelled, but my voice is barely over that of a whisper. I didn’t think I had the strength even for that. “Don’t make me ask again.” I finally meet her gaze, but I can’t find it in me to feel bad about the hurt in her eyes.
I think I’m going to need that strength in the coming days. They both comply wordlessly. Cat presses a kiss to my temple before unwinding herself from me and going to Xavier, who helps her off the bed. He opens his mouth to say something more but I glare at him, putting an end to it.
When the door clicks shut, I press my forehead to Essos’s before a silly idea enters my mind. I grew up in the mortal realm, with stories told of princesses who wake from enchanted slumbers after true love’s kiss.
Could it be that easy? The press of my lips to his? It got me my memories back so maybe there is something to fairytales.
I have nothing left to lose, so I try. Everything in my being calls out to him, and even Pom kicks viciously. Our lips touch, and it’s tender and soft, but then I worry that I’m not pouring enough of myself into it, so I press harder, and still, it doesn’t work.
I have to choke down an anguished cry when nothing changes.
Xavier is right, and I hate him for it. Essos would want me to carry on the same way he had to after I died. Is this meant to be our lives? Forever passing each other, never to be together again? I dash the tears away with a swipe of my hand. I can’t think like that.
When I climb out of bed, I nearly trip over Dave, who whines, crouched on the floor. I pat the bed and he jumps up, immediately taking advantage of this new height to lick away my tears. I rub his face, letting him so that I can cry in peace again. He’s the best dog because there is no complaint when I hug him tightly to my chest.
“You need to stay and watch him. Don’t let him be alone.”
A low whine comes from the back of Dave’s throat, but I point at Essos, and he barks at me before circling around on the bed and settling at Essos’s hip.
There is no right dress or outfit to wear today. A deep blue off-the-shoulder dress calls to me, and I slip it on, luxuriating in the feel of the fabric along my skin. The skirt is made of a heavier satin, but I like how it flows down my body to the floor. My feet slip into matching blue flats. When I try to pick out jewelry, I’m drawn to Essos’s closet.
Being around his clothes is almost too much. The weight of his absence crushes me harder than any weight on earth. I’m about to leave when something gold catches my eye. It’s the same sunburst necklace I gave to Essos in another lifetime. It has a crescent moon with flowers twined around it while the rays of the sun are strong on the other half of it. My thumb runs over the worn metal, and I pluck it off the dresser and slide it on. It’s simple, but it keeps a piece of him near me. We’ve traded it back and forth over the years when one of us needed to feel the presence of the other. It’s fitting that I take it now when I need to feel like Essos is with me.
Dave lifts his head, watching me move toward the door, giving a low growl of approval. There is no reward I can give this dog that will be sufficient for what he is protecting. I give Dave what I can, a kiss on the top of his head and a scratch behind his ears before I do the same for Essos, sans ear scratches. My lips brush his forehead and then his lips before I take his hand in mine.
Pressing his hand to my bump, I lean down and whisper in his ear. “She needs you.Ineed you.” For what is probably the only time, Pom gives an obedient kick to where his hand is. It’s unclear if he can feel that, but I know somewhere in my soul, he does.
I don’t know what possesses me, but I lean back down to blow gently on his eyelids.
Closing the door between us might be the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I need to prepare myself for the possibility that I have to do this all alone.
Everyone looks up at me when I descend the stairs. Their shock must mirror my own because all four Titans remain. Galen shoves his hands in his pockets, looking away from me while Tink approaches, holding out his arm. I slip mine into his, grateful for the support because my knees feel like they’re ready to give out at any moment.
Callie clears her throat. “I’ll go sit with Essos until you’re back.”
My head bobs in a nod, but I’m not sure I’m conscious of the effort to do so. “I don’t want him alone,ever.” I’m aware I’ve just left him alone, now, but he has Dave with him, and Waffles too, no doubt.
“He won’t be,” Finn assures me.
I reach up and dab at the corner of my eye, catching a tear before it falls.
“We should go,” Xavier tells the group. His voice has taken on a deeper quality, like he’s trying his hand at being a full leader.
A small, bitter part of me hates him for it. If he had tried sooner, maybe this wouldn’t be my life. The tender-sided part of my heart reminds me that if he hadn’t, Cat would still be trapped in a vicious cycle of death and rebirth.
I wrap my arms around Tink’s middle and he folds his arms around my shoulders before weightlessness descends on us. I try to keep my stomach from turning even as Pom does somersaults in my womb.
When we land, I stagger away from him, grabbing the first steady thing I can find. When I lift my head to see what I’ve grabbed, I’m surprised to find it’s Lairus, and the warmth makes sense. For once, I’m not about to puke.
“Are you well?” he asks, and I pull out of his grip so fast, I nearly stumble.
I right myself, smoothing my hands over the skirt of my dress. “As well as can be expected.”
Lairus extends a hand to me, but I pull out of his reach, nearly colliding with Xavier behind me. My brother-in-law’s hands steady me.
