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CHAPTER19
Finn was right about the night of the wedding. The vows Essos and I exchange are less about the words and more about the touch of the other. Essos’s mouth explores every part of me, my new curves around my hips and waist and the lower swell of my stomach. In return, I track his hard-earned muscles with my tongue.
All of that, of course, came after a nap that I desperately needed, and it was followed by another nap.
It’s the middle of the night when I wake, surprised to be alone in bed. I reach out to feel if Essos is just out of reach, but I know he’s gone before I find his side of the bed cold.
“Essos?” I croak, sitting up. I can see him silhouetted against the large bay windows. His back is to me, and I can barely make out the scratches I left there earlier. Essos has no shirt on and is wearing sweatpants that hang dangerously low on him. He twists to face me, but he’s shrouded in shadows. I haven’t decided yet if they are shadows of his own making or just from the night.
“I’m here, love.” His voice sounds as hoarse as mine. Bioluminescent algae blooms around the window frame. It’s not the most ideal lighting, but it’s the best I can do without lighting the candles or the fireplace. I want to maintain the illusion that I can lure him back to bed and sleep. His footsteps are quiet as he crosses back to the bed and slides between the sheets again. I yelp at the cold touch of his skin but relax into him all the same.
“Penny for your thoughts?” The question is out of my mouth before I think better of it. Obviously, tomorrow is on his mind. Tomorrow we will have to descend into the dark caverns of the Underworld where Essos and I will spill our blood. It’s the very subject we’ve both been ignoring.
Essos splays his hand on my abdomen. “I’m thinking that I don’t think I could bear to lose you again.” I already knew this was what he feared, but a shudder still wracks my body.
“I’m immortal; you won’t lose me.” I twist in his grip so I’m facing him.
“Our child isn’t, and I’m afraid of what comes if we were to lose this one as well.”
I grip his face in my hands. “I like to think I’m a stronger woman, stronger goddess, than I was before.”
He’s not wrong in his concerns. If it were my fault that something happened, I might lose myself. Not immediately, though I couldn’t promise him that either, but when this was over, when Posey was defeated, I would blame myself, and in turn Essos would blame himself, and we would be stuck in a vicious cycle.
“I know that, love. I just don’t trust my mother.”
“If she fails us, then we don’t bring Galen back. We don’t need him—we never did. Maybe the answer to stopping Posey is in opening the Underworld.” I say this like it’s not a conversation we’ve talked ourselves around and around and around.
“It’s not.” His words are nearly inaudible. I wait, silent, knowing that he has more information than he is divulging. “The souls that Posey releases are newer ones, yes, but if what Octavia said is true and she’s consuming those older souls, I don’t know that we can get them back. Never mind the issues with the Underworld. I don’t know if we can get the trust of the citizens of Solarem back.”
“They’re terrified of her right now. I would think we’re a shoo-in for being better than her.”
“You’re not wrong, but she’s also sown so much distrust toward the royal family that she’s presenting herself as taking a hard line right now, and once we’re all eliminated, she’ll relax things. Killing Cassius in front of everyone served two purposes. She made everyone afraid, and at the same time proved that she can kill us too. Coming clean to the other gods that you were also killed solidified her claims.”
“How has she gotten this far?”
“Fate.” A wry smile splits his lips.
“That’s not funny.”
“I’m not kidding. She’s a Fate. Her powers may not be complete without her sisters, but she’s formidable. Even if what Rafferty said is true—that she’s tapped into her siblings’ powers too—that’s all the more reason we need to view her for what she is. A veritable threat.” Essos waits a beat, watching my face. We’re illuminated by the bluish glow from the algae. “Xavier was able to get the information from the drop Cassius made. He wanted to wait to make sure it was actionable intel before making a move. Octavia confirmed where Posey is keeping the dagger and scepter.”
I snort. “Posey also knows that Octavia is working with us. There’s no way she’s kept it in the same place. Cassius dropped that information to Xavier weeks ago.”
“We have to try to get them,” Essos pushes, his fingertips digging into my hips, pulling me closer. “If she’s consuming souls, I have to think there are still some to save. It’s just like with baby gods—the power has to be absorbed slowly. She all but admitted that to you when she said ifyoukilled her, the resulting influx of power would kill our baby. What if it’s like that for her? Souls could be trapped in that dagger, human souls that don’t deserve this. We have to help them. They could be fading because they’re not where they’re supposed to be. None of this has happened before.”
I push away from him and climb out of bed, agitated, then grab the robe from the post on the footboard.
“How, Essos? How are you going to do this? When? Before or after we’re both bled nearly dry trying to reopen the Afterlife? What about before or after we bring your murderous brother back from the dead? You have so many inopportune times to pick.” I huff out a breath. “I don’t want you to do this.”
I tie the robe around myself as I pace to the window. I hear Essos murmur something, but I don’t catch it.
I spin on my heel to face him. “What was that?” I demand.
He gets out of bed, and I swat at him when he reaches for me. Finally, I let him make contact. He grips my upper arms gently and stoops so he can meet my eye.
“I said this is why I shouldn’t have told you. You have enough stress to handle without my making it worse. Finn and I have a plan, and we’ll take care of it.”
“When?”
