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“Because we’re enjoying this moment of bliss, and Finn’s been blinded. It feels wrong to be happy.”
“He would be mad at you for that. You’ve sacrificed enough in the name of this crusade. You’re allowed to take a breath after nearly dying. And, of course, I’m delighted we’re having a girl. I’m excited to see all the ways she and her mother are going to bring me to my knees.”
I rub my stomach to soothe the bloat I feel from overeating. My heart wants to bask in its fullness, that our family is growing and we’re together and well. But the nagging truth hounds me; we are at war, and there is still more to do.
“What’s next?” I ask, getting up. I untie the robe and let it drop to the floor as I walk to my closet. A glance over my shoulder assures me that Essos’s eyes are where I want them—on my ass as I put one foot in front of the other. My ability to walk without waddling is swiftly coming to a close.
“Don’t you worry; I’m watching,” he assures me. I hear him clamor out of his chair to trail me, his own towel still wrapped around his hips. It’s slung low, and I love how his muscles writhe as he makes his way to me. Desire curls low in my belly, my need for Essos trumpeting in my veins.
“Well?” I ask, turning to him, aware of the affect I have on him. He’s drinking in his fill, his gaze tracing my collarbone down to my heavy breasts. My nipples pucker under his stare. He doesn’t stop there, his gaze sweeping around my swollen stomach to my sex. I think he’s going to lay me on this floor and fuck me until I forget my own name and his name and everything in between, but then he looks at the fresh tattoos on my arms and shuts down.
“Next? I’m going to coax you back into bed for another night of rest. Hopefully while you’re unconscious, Sybil or Estelle or Zara will find a spell that I can use to have you locked in this room away from any prying eyes.”
“Essos!” I scold, putting my hands on my hips. He only grins at me wolfishly, his eyes doing another sweep of my body.
“Daphne!” he mimics, crossing his arms. “You can’t expect me to gladly invite danger where you’re concerned. I will do what I have to in order to keep my family safe.”
I turn my back, keeping the disgusted snort I want to make inside. “I thought we got past this. We talked about it, and you were going to let me help.”
“That was before I thought I lost you, before I had to hold your body to mine while you were unconscious and bleeding out, and I had to tell Callie and Xavier to stay back so the spell could finish. I had to wait, praying to the gods that you were alive and would stay alive so that it wouldn’t be for nothing. You think I wasn’t disgusted with myself for making that choice? If I let them in and the spell was ruined, you would have been in danger fornothing.You think I didn’t spend the past three days fearing that you weren’t going to wake up? Wondering if I made the wrong call? So, no, Daphne, this is not up for discussion. I will not put you in danger again.”
I stop rooting around for clothes. My strong husband is bowing under the pressure of the world. So much rests on his shoulders, and I want to take it from him.
Essos’s knees give out, and he drops to the ground, burying his face in his hands. In two steps, I’m across the room to him. We’re knee to knee again, and I hold him to me, smoothing his hair down when the first drops hit my chest. His body shakes as he lets go of all the pent-up emotion from the week.
Essos releases his face to pull me against him, and we sort of fall to the ground on our bottoms, holding each other. He cries in a way I don’t think he’s let himself in a long time, and I can’t even imagine what it was like for him to hold his pregnant wife as she was dying in his armsagain.
“I understand,” I whisper in his ear, because I do. I understand why he’s putting his foot down, why he’s trying to hold me back from everything that is happening. But I won’t let him. This is so much bigger than just me and him and our child. This is bigger than anything we know. If Posey asserts this power, if she is able to make the gods mortal, who knows what type of havoc she will bring?
When he’s cried out, I help him to his feet and lead him out of my closet. I gesture at the fireplace, and the fire roars in response. We slide into bed and meet in the middle. We don’t say anything else, letting the would-be argument rest until tomorrow. When my recovery from the ritual isn’t as fresh, I’ll convince him that this attempt to protect me is wrong.
Together is the best chance we have of defeating the monster in the dark.
CHAPTER22
Iwake in the morning feeling refreshed. My strength isn’t where I want it to be, but it feels like the day after a workout, when I’m both energized and exhausted at the same time.
I’m afraid to see Finn because I don’t know what I can possibly say to him. His condition feels like my fault. I know it isn’t, but I keep putting everything that happens on my shoulders, for better or worse.
I’ve lost four days between unconsciousness from the ritual and a day of recovery with Essos. I’m ready to tackle whatever comes next, even if that is bringing Galen back. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have worry about my murderer lurking in dark corners in my home, but we assured Octavia we would do just that, so now I have to stall with her as long as I can.
Given the recent developments—my being unconscious and Finn’s injury—maybe I can get away with it.
Essos has already gone to his office to get in a few hours’ work before we start training. My workout clothes are tight, and I relish the sensation of my bump pulling on my bottoms. I went with a sports bra instead of a top, because I want to show everyone just how much my little pomegranate has grown. I want to wrap myself up in this feeling of fullness and never forget it.
My carefree attitude slams to a stop when I walk into the dining room and find Galen sitting alone at the table. He lifts his head from where he was cutting up his eggs.
My stomach bottoms out. It’s wrong, I shouldn’t give any indication that he affects me like this, but I grip a chair all the same, needing the support.
He flashes me a scary wide grin as his gaze roves over my body with the familiarity of a lover. The way his focus lingers on my bump is predatory, and I want to scream. I want to scream until my throat bleeds from how raw it gets, but I can’t.
I can’t, because there is no air in my lungs. I can’t, because I can’t breathe past the rising panic. It’s like when I was on the streets of Solarem and that man grabbed me, only this is so much worse, because Essos isn’t here to ground me; he isn’t here to keep me safe.
I gasp in a sip of air, and it manages to clear the fog, just enough for me to let go of the chair. I can’t let Galen know how much he affects me. I can’t let him see how much his existence hurts me, even though it does hurt me; it hurts and scares me, because I don’t know what he will do to me. He’s taken one child from me; he won’t take another.
I will kill him again first.
That single thought cements my resolve and I take a deeper breath. My shoulders shift back, and I hold my head high. His mouth spreads into a manic smile, and I have to bite back the urge to scream again. Ishouldscream, should let everyone know that he’s back and he’s here, but I don’t.
