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Dion buries his face in his hands, and I have to wonder how much of the stress of taking care of Finn is getting to him. Not that I don’t think he has a point, but I’ve never seen Dion lose his cool like this. “Either no one is sending messages, or he can’t feel them anymore.”
“Should Finn be worrying about sending and receiving messages?” Essos asks, a calm in his voice that’s misleading. I can feel the tension in his body radiating off him. Finn not having powers is unexpected, to say the least.
“What, the almighty Essos doesn’t have an answer to why he can’t feel people’s messages?” I flinch from the vitriol in Dion’s voice.
“What do you want me to say, Dion? Idon’thave all the answers. I don’t actually have any of them—that’s why Zara and the Fates have been holed up in the fucking library only to emerge when they have an answer!” Essos shouts, letting go of me, the tide of his anger rising once again. “I can’t be the one to figure everything out. You’re all content to live in my house and let my wife and I come up with a plan for what to do next while you all, what? Wait for me to tell you what to do? Xavier’s jerking off in my apartment. Helene and Kai come back from their kingdom to bitch and moan that we’re not doing enough while they’re not actually doing anything. You don’t get to stand in my house and tell me I’m not doing enough, not after my wife just got the shock of her life and probably sacrificed her mental health because Galen is actually back without any of us being alerted! Now, if you will excuse me, I’ll be ensuring Daphne has every weapon at her disposal.”
Essos doesn’t wait for anyone to respond. He slides his hand into mine and tugs me away from everyone else. When I stumble, he changes directions and leads me back up to our bedroom. Once the door is closed behind me, he pulls me into his arms, enveloping me in a crushing hug that I’m more than happy to stay in.
Slowly, our breathing and heartbeats match up until Essos releases me. He moves toward the window, facing away from me as he runs his hands through his hair.
“I’m a monster for snapping at them, but I’m tired of the constant judgement. Maybe I was the protective big brother for too long, ready to jump in and take care of their problems at a moment’s notice, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be everything to everyone. You and I can train tomorrow. I can practically feel you still shaking from the adrenaline letdown with Galen.”
I tug on his hand until he spins around to face me. He crashes back into my arms.
“You are not wrong…”
“But I’m still an asshole.”
“No, but you need to ask them for help. I’m sure if you had been specific about what you needed from them, they would have gladly jumped in.”
“It’s not my job to hold their hands. I’m navigating this situation with just as much information as they have. They have access to the same books.”
“You’re right. But I don’t think yelling at them is going to make the situation any better. Finn is right; him not being able to receive message requests is a problem.”
“You think I don’t know that, Daphne? You think I’m not wondering what sort of implications that has? But I can’t control that. In fact, I can’t control anything outside of how I can help you prepare and better protect yourself. There was a moment, when you shouted for me, that I think my soul left my body because I was afraid something had happened to you again, and it very well could have. Galen was back, not on our schedule, but on Octavia’s. So yes, I’m in a bad fucking mood right now, and I’m taking my anger out on everyone else. I’m usually pretty mild, I like to think anyway, so let me get this out of my system now. And tonight, after I’ve exhausted you in bed, I’ll apologize.”
“Okay,” I tell him, because I don’t know what other comfort I can give him. He’s made it clear this is something he has to work through.
“Don’t letmyfear trick you into thinking you aren’t strong enough. Knowing you can hold your own and wanting you to are very different things.”
Essos tilts my head back with both hands. I meet his eyes, giving him this and refocusing on the task at hand instead of the things we can’t control. He’s right; it’s easier when we have something smaller to contend with.
“I understand,” I tell him, and I do. If all things were equal, I wouldn’t want him in the middle of all this either, but we don’t have that luxury.
No matter what happens, we don’t have a choice over how entrenched we are and the consequences that come with that.
CHAPTER23
While Essos goes to work out some of his stress, I nap, something that feels too decadent an undeserved, but making those vine guards took a whole lot more out of me than I wanted to admit. Curled beside me on the bed are two of my dogs and my cat, who seems to be on edge too. Even as I go to the bathroom, all three follow me.
It seems Galen isn’t the only one with guards following him. My dogs track my every step as I shower and move into the hallway in search of my husband. Knowing that Galen is around here somewhere makes me uneasy, but I won’t be made to be afraid in my own home. I didn’t give him that advantage during the Trials and I won’t give it to him now. Having killed him almost feels like I’ve leveled the playing field. We’re now tied one-to-one, and I’ll take another win if it comes to that.
Dion is walking out of the room he shares with Finn when I emerge. His back is to me, so he doesn’t see me approach as he walks away. It’s probably for the best because I wouldn’t even know what to say to him right now. Still, I’m going to take the chance that his absence has afforded me.
Not that I have a better idea of what I’m going to say to Finn, but I have to try. Gingerly, I tap on the door and then step inside without waiting for a response. Rude? Maybe, but this is my house, and I know Finn.
“Who is there?” Finn demands, his head cocking in my direction. The dogs enter the room ahead of me and his attention shifts toward them. “Daphne?”
I smile faintly before going to sit beside him in the chair there. He’s on the bed, sitting up with the curtains drawn. His face is almost completely wrapped. There are tufts of blonde hair sticking up above the bandage.
“How did you know?”
“What? Are you expecting I’m going to tell you that I couldsmellyou and know it was you? What a fucking cliché. No, I heard your dogs, and if what Dion told me is true, then I assume Essos isn’t letting you alone, which means your guard dogs are with you, ergo, Daphne.”
I snort. “I wasn’t thinking anything like that, but thanks for dissuading me of that notion and for laying out your very clever powers of deduction. Shall I call you Finn Holmes from now on?”
“You can fuck right off, Daphne. I don’t want to see anyone. I can only assume you saw Dion leave and that’s why you thought you could ambush me.”
