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“I didn’t intend to ambush you,” I say softly. “I’m going to touch your hand.” I slide my hand into his. I expect him to pull away, but he doesn’t.
Finn clasps my hand tightly. “Came to see the ruins of my beautiful face?”
“No, I came to see how my friend was faring with all this. Are you in pain?” I notice then just how tightly Finn is holding himself, with his shoulders nearly bunched up to his ears.
He opens his mouth, but hesitates before answering me. “Yes. Some.”
I doubt his assertion that he’s only in “some” pain. “Why don’t you tell Dion? I’m sure he can get a healer. Callie would probably also help you.”
“Because I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Because no one is saying it, but I canfeelthe I-told-you-so’s on the tips of their tongues. I was just somadhaving to watch Essos cry over your limp body again. And then you wouldn’t wake up, and I’m not blaming you, not even a little bit, but I was angry that Posey still seemed to have the upper hand, and we had this information, and I might as well check that we could do something about it. You were so still lying in that bed… I thought that maybe we couldn’t save you. That we opened the gates to the Underworld, but at what cost? And Essos wasn’t leaving your side, and they all told me not to, but Ihadto try.”
As Finn is telling me all this, I’m growing herbs across the room that I can use as a poultice for his eyes. I may not be a healer, but I know the herbs that can help and I’m determined to do at least that.
I slowly release Finn’s hand and wait for him to completely let it go before I start to make the concoction that should help aid with pain and healing.
“And you know what, Daphne? It was all for a fake. The fucking scepter IthoughtI had was fake. I know they’re trying not to tell me, but the really awesome thing about losing my sight is that now my other senses are better, so when Essos was gently letting Dion down in the hallway, Iheardall about my fucking failure. Because that’s what I am, a godsdamned failure.”
I sniffle, determined not to cry, determined not to make my feelings his burden. “It sounds like you’re in the same boat we all are, getting played by Posey left, right, and center.”
“I know I didn’t particularly love Cassius, but no one deserved to die like that. Not even him. And now it was all for nothing. Posey still has the damned scepter and dagger, Cassius is dead, and I don’t have eyes. And I have to listen to my partner cry in the shower like I don’t know his heart is breaking. This is the punishment I deserve.”
“It isnota punishment you deserve, not even a little bit. I’m going to take your bandage off and change it.”
“Fine, whatever.”
I start to slowly unwrap it while trying to brace myself for what I’m going to see. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of his livid, red skin and the gouges along his eye sockets. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from making an audible sound.
“You didn’t deserve this, Finn. Not one bit of it.”
“Spare me the platitudes, Daphne. What’s the next thing you’re going to tell me? That I’ll get through this? That no one sees me differently? So funny since I can’t see any more. I can’t see a damn thing, so, kindly fuck off, Daphne.”
I say silent, cleaning and re-dressing the wound. “You’re not scaring me, Finn. I’ll be here, even if it’s just sitting with you.”
“Get out,” Finn hisses at me. “I don’t want reminders of what I’ve lost, so if you’re done playing Florence fucking Nightingale,get out.”
Finn turns his head away from me, and for now, as he adjusts to life with his injury, I’ll give him some space. It’s still too fresh, and I would be an asshole to push him harder right now, but the best thing I can do is keep reaching out, and reaching out, and reaching out until he knows I won’t give up on him.
I summon him a tea and place it in his hands. “This should also help with your pain.”
Finn lifts it, and I flinch, thinking he might throw it, but instead he whispers something so faint I almost don’t hear it. “Thank you.”
* * *
I’m noteager to run into Galen, or anyone really, so I hide out in my bedroom all day. I try to give myself a mental break. If I don’t, I’m going to lose it, so I chose to get lost in another book about Princess Lorelei.
I’m curled up on a chair by the window with Waffles on my lap and Dave on the floor at my feet when Essos walks in.
“How is my sweet, loving wife doing today?” Essos asks, planting a kiss on the top of my head.
“Tired. Trying some escapism. I think I’ll see if Finn wants me to read to him, but it might have to wait.”
“That makes sense. I talked to Dion today after his outburst. After my outburst. There were apologies, there were drinks shared. I think we’re both feeling two different kinds of pressures, and I get it. His partner is hurting and he can’t fix it, so I get.”
“Any chance you got a hold of your mother?” The real elephant in the room.
“No, I think she’s hiding from me.”
“Good. She should be afraid,” I say with a scowl.
