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He snorts, and it’s only now that I realize he’s started to cry. “Why not?”
“Because you’reyou,” I say, scooting closer to him so I can throw my arm over his thin shoulders. “You are who you are and there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about it. If you’re not ready to label it, you don’t have to.”
His eyes peer up at me as he snuggles closer to my side. “You really think so?”
“Oh, one hundred percent. I know it’s easier said than done, but there’s nothing wrong with you,” I say with a smile, squeezing him tight against me. “If you ever want to talk about it more, or even experiment, I’m here for you.”
And I never expected that would happen. I never thought that I’d actually find a friend in this place. Patrick and I are so insanely different, but I can’t deny the urge to protect him and make sure he’s okay.
He sniffles as he wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “Thanks, Noah.”
“Anytime.”
We both get up at the same time and go back to our respective corners to finish up cleaning. After a minute, he asks. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
Despite not having any service, I check my phone and curse. “Fuck. I have van duty in a few minutes.”
“I can finish up here if you have to go,” Patrick offers, seeing that the only thing we really have left to do is hang the aprons. “I have ministry group at five, so I have time.”
“Thanks and good luck.” I go to leave but something stops me. I’ve managed to keep it in the back of my head this last week, but after our impromptu therapy session, my insecurities have been brought to the forefront. “Can I ask you something?”
“After what I told you?” he asks with a laugh. “Anything.”
I bite my bottom lip painfully. I really don’t want to ask, but I need to know. “Do you think God is okay with the fact that you kissed me?”
To my question, his eyes widen. Fuck, I knew that was a bad idea. It’s just…Jarred’s fucked with my head.
I want him. I want him so fucking much, but he has it in his head that wanting me back is wrong. It’s not like my parents didn’t instill the same mentality in me, but I’ve been out in the world now. I know that there’s nothing wrong with being gay, straight, pan, bi—however you identify—but Jarred hasn’t gotten that memo.
Patrick shuffles on his feet as he lets out a weak chuckle. “Maybe he’s not likethrilledabout it, but He loves us all, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly, not entirely sure whether I like that answer. “I guess he does.”
CHAPTER12
JARRED
“Jarred, can I talk to you for a second?”
I stop in my tracks as Father Matteo steps in front of me. We’ve just finished another round of last-minute confession, and I’m running late. Regardless, I turn to him with a smile as I subtly check my watch. “Of course.”
Father Matteo smiles kindly at me. “It’s not that I’m not here for you, or that you’re a nuisance, but I’ve noticed you’ve been asking for confession a lot lately.”
I resist the urge to wince and chuckle. “I just want to be absolved for my sins. Father.”
“And I get that. We all seek His forgiveness, but I’ve known you for years and you’ve never come this much,” he says. He pauses, and I can only assume he’s giving me a second to fill in the blanks he’s missing, but I don’t. When I refuse to speak, he sighs. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
There are several things I’d like to talk about.
I’d like to talk about the fact that Noah Scott has messed with my head. I want to tell Father Matteo that I can’t stop thinking about Noah. I can’t stop thinking about the way his tongue licked at the metal ridges of my cock cage. I can’t stop thinking about the way his piercing felt against my lips when he kissed me. I can’t stop thinking about wantingmore.
Not only that, but I want to talk about howobsessedI am with this nineteen-year-old kid.
It’s not even that I’m attracted to him physically, it’s more than that. In my quest to avoid him, I’ve become finely tuned with his routine and the people he hangs around. I’ve seen how kind he is to Kendall, who can sometimes be a bit too much. I’ve seen how compassionate he is with Patrick, who needs a few lessons on social cues. I’ve witnessed the aftermath of his rage after someone insulted his friend. I’ve seen how loyal he can be, even knowing he might get fired for his actions.
Noah Scott is beautiful and mysterious. He carries his anger like a weapon to wield, and it’s stunning when the fight is relinquished, and you get to see all of him. The way he talks to me…so sweet, so kind, sodirtymakes my insides curl.
I want to tell Father Matteo that I want to spend hours talking with Noah. I want to figure out where all that anger comes from. I want to know everything about him. I want to be the one he drops those shields for after he holds me close to him and tells me how perfect I am.
