Page 41 of Orc the Halls


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“Okay,” he said. “So, just admit it? That does nothing.”

“Acknowledge it,” she said. “Notice it. And if you can do something about it, and you want to, do something about it.”

“Do something how?”

“Not a guillotine. Not cutting off the heads of the privileged. Nothing violent and splashy. Just… not thinking of doing the laundry asmyrole, maybe?”

“But I just told you that Idon’tthink of it as your role. I do all that shit myself. It’s just called taking care of your damned self.”

“Yeah, you called it the female role.”

“I said traditionally, but we don’t have to follow the tradition anymore—”

“I don’t want you to act like you’re doing me a big favor if you’re just doing the bare fucking minimum a human should do—”

“Hey, I’m not that kind of person, and I don’t know why you think—”

“Well, you keep saying these things—”

“And you keep not giving me a chance to show you anything different. Why don’t you judge how I act? I feel like we actually agree about almost all of this stuff. We’re just coming at it from different directions and with different words and slightly different perspectives.”

She considered. “Maybe.”

He sighed. “Okay, look, it’s late, and we should… I’m going to go.”

“I want you to stay,” she whispered.

He took several steps backwards. “You know, I don’t think you do.”

She did. She reallydid notwant him to leave. “Stay,” she said again, taking those two steps towards him.

He held up a hand. “Butwhy?”

It knocked all the wind out of her. She didn’tknowwhy. She had just recently determined that going after him didn’t make any sense.

“You’re pushing me away,” he said. “Hard. And then when I try to go, you just pull me back.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” she whispered.

“That’s how it feels to me,” he said.

“The stuff about men and women and society and all of that… it’s notaboutyou.”

He let out a little disbelieving laugh.

“I mean…” She spread her hands. “You say things that make me furious, but actually, the sense I get from you is that you’re areallydecent guy. And the fury, it tends to fuel… other things with us, which I like.”

“I mean, I’m with you.” He nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. “On the fury-fueled fucking, that is. Or whatever the sex is—the dynamic there is…” He blew out a whistling breath.

She grinned. “So. Stay.”

“But I want this to be about more than sex. Itisabout more than sex for me. And I don’t think it is for you.”

She opened her mouth to disagree with him. Nothing came out.

“Okay, I’m going,” he muttered, chagrined. He shook his head and turned away. He walked out of the house.

She watched him go, feeling as if something inside her was pounding against a brick wall she’d erected.Let me go after him,it screamed.

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