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“It’s a funny nickname. I love that kid to death. You know that.”
“No, all you do is complain about how much work the boys are. Noah’s impossible to potty train. Cameron won’t eat anything and has to be entertained all the time.”
“I don’t think you want to hear about the good stuff.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I feel guilty telling you about it.” She picked up her beer glass and took a sip.
I slumped against the back of the booth. We had always told each other everything. “You shouldn’t be drinking that.”
She pushed the mug across the table to me.
“What’s the best thing about being Noah and Cameron’s mom?”
She shook her head. “Nikki.”
“Really, I want to know.”
Her face softened. “Their unconditional love. The way Noah’s entire face lights up when he sees me in the morning. How he giggles as he reaches for me.”
I turned to look at teenage Kyle and imagined him as a two-year-old, the smile on his face as he wrapped his soft arms around my neck.I love you, Mama,he said. My lip quivered.
“Are you okay?” Sharon asked.
No, I’m not. You were right. I can’t handle hearing about the good stuff. What kind of person does that make me?“That’s beautiful.”
“Yeah.” Sharon’s eyes welled up. I knew she was sad for me.
I forced myself to smile. “Are the boys having a sister or another brother?”
“Sister.”
“Were you trying?”
She looked down at the table. “We weren’t not trying.”
Noah was also unplanned. Life was not fair.
Sharon fiddled with her silverware again. “I want so much for this to happen for you too.”
“It will.” I didn’t sound convincing even to myself. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I picked up my beer and chugged it down to stop them from coming. The waiter arrived with our food. We were silent as he slid the plates in front of us.
“Have you thought of names?” The french fries were limp, and my sandwich was soggy.
“Sharon,” she said.
I stared at her while chewing, waiting for her to say she was kidding.
“Don’t look at me that way,” she said. “Why can’t a mother name a baby after herself? If I were having another boy and we named him after Rick, you wouldn’t think twice.”
She had a point, but still.
We stayed at the restaurant for another half hour. Sharon ate her entire meal. I boxed up most of mine to take home. When we stood to leave, I noticed her sweater stretched across a small bump in her belly. I wondered how I had missed it the last time I saw her, but more than that, I wondered when Sharon had decided I was someone she could no longer confide in.
Chapter 14
The queen-size bed felt as big as Mount Stapleton without Kyle’s large body next to mine. Usually his snoring kept me awake, but without it tonight, I couldn’t fall asleep. I hadn’t heard from him since he stormed out of the house after confronting me about the 401(k) withdrawal. The numbers on the clock next to me glowed: 1:11. I knew Kyle had hockey earlier in the evening, but his games always ended by nine.
