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I had stopped myself from texting him before I went to bed because he needed space, but enough was enough. I pounded out a message:Where are you?
I stared at the screen, waiting for a response. After a minute or so, I gave up and tossed the phone on his pillow. Closing my eyes to try to fall asleep, I pictured Kyle in his red-and-gold uniform with number seven on the back, sprinting across the rink toward the puck. Out of nowhere, an opposing player slammed him into the boards, knocking him off his feet. Kyle’s head smacked the ice, and he lay unconscious—or worse, lifeless.
I jerked upright and inhaled, trying to slow my racing heart.He’s fine. Just angry. And he has every right to be.Even I didn’t like the person I had become, a liar, a sneak, willing to do anything to get my way. I should have told him the truth. At the same time, the money was deducted from my paycheck every week. Didn’t I have a right to spend it however I wanted?
I tried to fall asleep again and almost succeeded. In my groggy state, I imagined Kyle drinking with his friends at a bar. Tipsy, he climbed into his car and headed home. He sped around a sharp, slippery curve and lost control. The Jeep tumbled over the edge of a deserted narrow mountain road.
The images made me think of my parents. I often wondered if they’d seen the other car racing toward them. If my father had tried to swerve out of the way. Sharon’s dad, who was chief of police at the time, had broken the news. Sharon was with him. I thought they’d come over for a friendly visit, even offered them pizzelles that I had just made, the taste of anise still in my mouth. When they both declined, I knew something was wrong. My hands started to shake. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Nicole.” I knew right then he was about to say something devastating. People always called me Nikki, except when they were breaking my heart. “Your parents were in an accident. A wrong-way driver on the interstate.”
They were coming back from visiting Dana on the Cape. “It’s my fault,” she’d said at the funeral, as if she had been the one driving the car that hit them.
I shook my head to clear the horrible images.Where the hell are you, Kyle?I tried to reach him again. This time I called instead of texting, but his phone went straight to voice mail. It was after two. Should I call the police? Check hospitals? I texted his teammate Luke. Fifteen minutes later, Luke responded.
As I read his message, my grip on the phone tightened.He’s sleeping one off. Spending the night at my place.
I didn’t fall asleep until hours later, and I slept fitfully before waking with a sore jaw from clenching my teeth all night. I heard the first-floor shower running and marched downstairs. My back felt stiff, and my legs wobbled. Just as I reached the last step, the water shut off. A minuteor so later, Kyle, a towel wrapped around his waist, a cloud of steam behind him, opened the bathroom door.
I wasn’t sure whether to punch him in the throat or hug him. “Where were you all night?”
His bloodshot eyes avoided mine. “I was with Chris, had too much to drink after the game and didn’t want to drive.” His shoulders slumped as he spoke.
“Chris?”
He stared at the floor while nodding.
“Luke told me you were with him.”
He ran a hand through his wet hair. After a long silence, he said, “Chris and I stayed at Luke’s.”
“You could have let me know. I was out of my mind with worry.”
“My phone died.”
“You couldn’t have borrowed one of theirs?”
He wouldn’t meet my eye. “I didn’t think of it.”
“You didn’t think of it?”
He pulled himself back to his full height and pointed at me. “You lied to me.”
I stepped closer to him. “So you were punishing me by making me worry?”
“No, I didn’t want to talk to you.” The fan in the bathroom clicked off, making his voice sound even louder than it was. “I still don’t want to talk to you.”
He stormed past me, leaving his woodsy scent behind. I thought about chasing after him but decided to give him space. This was my fault. I should have been honest about where the money came from.
My phone whistled with a text from Dana.Just spoke with Marie. This dog thing is happening.
I sighed and jammed the phone into my pocket. I had too much to think about with Kyle to engage with my sister about this ridiculous idea of her getting a dog.
I made myself a mug of tea. Heavy footsteps stomped across the living room ceiling, and drawers banged closed. A few minutes later Kyle trudged down the stairs, a baseball cap on his head, a large duffel bag with that menacing Boston Bruins bear logo thrown over one shoulder, and his toiletry bag on the other. The green tea I was drinking felt like sludge in my stomach. “What’s all that?” I asked.
He fiddled with the zipper on the bag. “I’m gonna stay with Luke for a while.”
The cup in my hand shook so hard that tea spilled out over the side. I set it down on the coffee table. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t live like this anymore, Nikki.”
