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Sharon reached for Noah. “I’ll take him to the ladies’ room. Cam, come with me.”
We watched them walk away before facing each other. I had so much I wanted to say to Kyle but didn’t know where to begin.
He glanced at the clock on the scoreboard.
“Please come home.” I shouldn’t have started with that, but I couldn’t help it.
Kyle picked up his helmet from the bench. “I’m giving you time to figure out what you want.”
“I figured it out.” My voice cracked.
“This isn’t the time or place to talk about this.”
“When, then?”
He squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand up to his temple.
“Why did you tell Aunt Izzie we’re separated? That word makes it sound so official.”
He tilted his head. “I told her we’re taking a break. She put me on the spot about dinner.”
Across the rink, a door banged. Luke’s voice called out. “Hey, buddy, we’re waiting on you. Put a move on it.”
“I gotta run.” He headed toward the locker room, his stride unsteady, as if he were adjusting to being off the ice.
A wave of exhaustion rolled over me. I could barely support my own weight and sank to the bench. The chill of the ice rink had settled into my bones. I shivered in the cold, watching Kyle disappear into the locker room.
Chapter 20
As I tried to fall asleep, I kept hearing those women in the hats at the hockey game calling out Kyle’s name. The image of him raising his hand to wave goodbye to them and glancing at me replayed on an endless loop, and then I saw him walking away from me, without looking back, leaving my questions unanswered. Trying to sleep was useless. I popped out of bed hours before the sun came up and made my way downstairs.
The bright light glowing from the floor lamp hurt my eyes. When they adjusted, a trail of sand leading from the mat in the entryway to the living room caught my attention. Sweeping up sand and salt tracked in from the outside was a daily activity in the winter, but I had always accused Kyle of making the mess because he traipsed all over the house in his work boots.
As I swept up the mess now, I realized I was responsible for it. My sweeping became frantic. When I was done, the hardwood still didn’t look clean, so I mopped. Then I cranked up a country station on the radio and washed down the walls. I pushed so hard against the sponge that I was afraid the paint would come off.
I attacked the kitchen next, scrubbing the counters and cleaning out the cabinets. Singing along with the radio to drown out my thoughts, I zipped right along until I pulled out a box of Cheerios. I couldn’t stomach the little round oats, but Kyle loved them. They were his go-to meal when we didn’t feel like cooking. Was he living on them at Luke’s? The music changed from an upbeat Zac Brown melody with happylyrics to a song by Cole Swindell about surviving a breakup. I reached into the box, grabbed a handful of cereal, and stuffed it into my mouth.
I snapped the radio off before starting on the downstairs bathroom, which we referred to as Kyle’s. Because he got up for work earlier than I did, he showered down here during the week so he wouldn’t wake me. The memory made my throat burn. He was such a considerate husband, and I had paid him back by lying.I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I reached toward the shower shelf for his bodywash. The bottle belched as I squeezed soap into my hand. The masculine cedar scent made me imagine Kyle, a towel wrapped around his waist, pulling me into his arms, planting little kisses on my neck and leading me back upstairs. The image seemed like a crazy fantasy, but there was a time it had been real. How had we let trying to have a baby cause this rift between us?
By the time I finished cleaning, it was almost four in the afternoon. I collapsed on the couch. My shoulders and back ached, but my house sparkled. If only it were that easy to clean up the mess I had made of my marriage.
Several hours later, I awoke to the sound of the doorknob jiggling. I jerked upright as the door slammed against the rubber stop. Dana burst into the house, cradling a small four-legged bundle that yelped in her arms. She really had a puppy. She lowered him to the floor, and he scampered across the room, leaving tiny grimy paw prints on the just-cleaned hardwood. I balled my hands into tight fists, but when the dog trotted over to the couch and looked up at me with his adoring dark-brown eyes, I released them. With fuzzy golden fur, he made it hard not to immediately fall in love with him. I scooped him up, and he licked my cheek as I patted his silky-soft hair. His kiss made my face wet and sticky, but I laughed and hugged him tighter, thinking of my and Kyle’s old black Lab, Cole. We were so happy when he was alive.
“Meet Deeogee,” Dana said. “I think he likes you.”
“She really gave you a dog.”
“Told you she was going to.”
Deeogee leaped off the sofa and wandered toward Dana, who had just sat in Kyle’s recliner.
“How’s it going? Training the puppy and working. Are your roommates helping?”
Dana picked at her thumbnail. “What do you have to eat?”
She left for the kitchen and returned with Oreos. She extended the package toward me, and I pulled out two. The only thing I had eaten all day was a handful of cereal.
