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Seeing him pass and watching a huge part of my friend get buried with him was devastating. But much like the Ellie I fell in love with years ago, she’s persevered and those kids are her heart and soul. She’s had to navigate life differently since Beau’s passing, but she’s grown so much in the last few years. I can’t help but feel pride in her strength.
“Alice is watching them tonight. Thank goodness for that woman. I know Tyler could handle watching his sisters, but I just want to let him be a teen without so much responsibility. That kid is always trying to take care of everyone. He deserves to go out with his girlfriend without his little sisters pestering him.” She looks down at her watch, “He should be home shortly to grab the girls and take them back to their own beds.”
I head to the kitchen to fetch some water for Laney. Episodes like these are draining for Laney, and she always needs some extra hydration afterward. I walk back and a little of her coloring is starting to return. We all squeeze onto the one couch and start watching our mindless reality show. I think we’ve done enough talking for one night, and my mind needs a moment to catch up to my feelings. Because right now, I am having so many mixed emotions.
An hour passes and I see Ellie yawn. Her days are hectic with the kids and now being the sole provider for her family, she rarely takes time to herself. I turn to her and tell her to head home. When Ellie moved to New York after Beau’s passing, it worked in our favor that she was able to buy a brownstone on my street.
Hudson was just in the process of moving out when Ellie made her move, and having her nearby was a bonus for both of us. It was a time of many family dinners with our interesting blend of family. Laney moved in with Ellie at that point and so far, it seemed to be working for them.
I squeeze Ellie’s hand and tell her to head home. Laney fell asleep on the couch, and I tell Ellie to leave her so she can catch up on some sleep. Ellie doesn’t fight me on this, and she begins to make her way to the front door.
Once I watch Ellie get into her home safely, as she’s only a couple doors down, I lock up, refill Laney’s cup of water and place it on the side table next to the couch, cover her with a blanket, and head upstairs.
As I’m getting ready for bed, I can’t help but let my mind wander. It feels a tug to Shane, much like it always had when we were younger. But back then I was naive and thought he’d never hurt me. Back then he was my everything, and I thought I was his.
ChapterEight
SHANE
December 1994
I could feel my palms sweating as Beau’s mom drove us to Pat’s Diner the following evening. I had been trying to get Becs to agree to a date with me since the moment I laid eyes on her. I cannot believe she finally agreed.
Was my kiss that amazing? I felt the corner of my mouth tug to one side—yeah, I think that was it. She liked kissing me, and I only hoped she’d let me kiss her again tonight.
The minute I saw Becca in that hallway a few months back, I didn’t know what came over me. I was in the middle of talking to Beau and Bradley, both my oldest friends, and I just stopped mid-sentence. I didn’t even think about what I wanted to say next, and I made my way over to her.
That wavy dark hair, that tan skin, and those majestic blue-green eyes; I would never be the same,thatI could be certain of. Could someone meet their soulmate at fourteen? Because I think I did, that warm day in September. She wasn’t simply beautiful, she was breathtaking.
After I guaranteed she’d be my girlfriend, I started to learn she was witty too, which only drove me toward her more. She was quick with the comebacks and tried so hard to resist this pull I was certain she could feel. So I kept at it, leaving her notes, and doing a few gestures to show that I cared. But most of all, I began talking to her whenever I had a chance. She would drop little hints about things she liked and didn’t like.
From what she told me, her father passed away, and they moved to Nebraska to start anew. But the little things she shared were in her actions; she squirmed in her seat when we had to dissect a frog in science, so I made sure Mrs. Burke let me be her lab partner so I could do most of the dissecting, and she could look away.
Or the day she made this weird face after she took a bite of the apple that was placed on her lunch tray. I found out she was disappointed to find that the apple was dry when it looked so appetizing. So the next day I brought her an apple I specifically picked for her at the local orchard that was guaranteed not to disappoint. The smile she gave me after she bit into the gifted apple lifted me higher than any touchdown in football ever had.
From then on, I continued doing things here and there to show her I wasn’t just doing this for the chase. I genuinely enjoyed her company. She made me feel comfortable being myself. She didn’t see me as the star football player or the popular kid in school. She saw me for who I was deep down.
When I pull myself out of reminiscing, I see we are one street away from the diner, and I begin feeling my heart race. I cannot believe I get to go on a date with Becs. Oh my gosh, I feel like I’m suffocating a bit.
My breathing must be loud enough to get Beau’s attention because he looks back at me from the front seat and his eyes bug out.
“Dude, take it easy. You’re not going to get past the hostess if you keep this up. What is going on with you? It’s just Becca.”
My gaze goes from the window to my friend. Is he kidding me? Just Becca?
“Listen, I don’t know what you think this is with me and Becs, but she is notjustanything. She’severything. She’s becoming the reason I rush to school. She’s the reason I go to bed at night because the sooner I get to sleep, the closer it will be to the next day when I get to see her again. She is beyond anything I ever imagined in another person. But most of all, I feel like tonight is life-changing, man. I feel like taking that step into the diner is taking a step into what I was put on this earth for. Something about her feels like purpose. And I don’t want to mess this up.”
At my admission, Beau takes a deep inhale and when he blows it out, he whistles.
“Oh dude, you’re so fucked.” Beau’s mom smacks his arm.
“Do not use that kind of language Beau Lorrent, or I will turn this car around, so help me!” Beau rubs his arm as if his mother caused permanent damage.
“Sorry, Ma.”
Then Beau looks over at me and mouths, “You’re so fucked.”
I roll my eyes, but a part of me knows I truly am fucked because this girl is in my soul. Soon we are parking the car outside the diner. Mrs. Lorrent is giving us instructions to page her when we are done, and she will come back to pick us up. Luckily, we live in such a small town, it only takes a few minutes to get down to Pat’s, even on a Saturday night.
