AllFreeNovel
Share Us
When I confirm the call has not failed, I bring the phone back up to my ear. The elation I was feeling starts to plummet because her silence is making me uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry, Shane. I must have misheard. I thought you said Rebecca Stanley.” She forces a chuckle that I know all too well is fake.
“No, Mom, you heard me right. Rebecca is in New York City, and we ran into one another when I was walking in her neighborhood a while back.”
My mom takes a moment and coughs into the receiver. “I’m so sorry, Shane. I think I’m choking on my tea. I need to hang up before I cough into your ear for the next ten minutes.” She quickly disconnects and I’m left there, dumbfounded by my mother’s reaction to what I just revealed.
I look up to find Rebecca looking at me, a bit of worry etched across her face. “My mom says ‘hi.’” I can’t help the lie rolling off my tongue, but I also don’t understand what just transpired.
Becca laughs and I can’t help but feel the discomfort radiating off of her. “It’s okay, Shane. I know she didn’t say hi. Your mom was never my number one fan,” she says as she grabs a pull of her water through the straw.
I look at her, confused by her admission. “What do you mean? My mom loved you.” This makes Becs laugh again, this time causing all the hairs on my arm to stand at attention. I know that laugh and it’s incredibly forced.
“No Shane, you loved me. Your mom loves you, so in turn, she tolerated me. She never cared for me, but I have no idea why. At this point though, does it matter? She was someone I never put much thought into after we parted ways. I’m glad to know she’s doing well, wherever she is.”
“She’s in Palos Verdes in California. She stayed there after we moved, and she never had it in her to leave the coast. She has found her people in the neighborhood and has enjoyed this season of life she is currently in.” Becs nods and smiles, a genuine smile, even though it doesn’t reach her eyes. She’s uncomfortable, and I am now trying to piece together the signs I may have ignored all those years ago at Becca’s admission about my mom not liking her. She brings up a good point, my mom never really warmed up to Becs. But then again, my mom isn't the easiest to get close to.
I keep the conversation light as we talk a little more about my mother. Becs then pushes the conversation toward my father.
“Unfortunately, my father passed away about eight years ago from lung cancer. You remember how it was when that generation grew up. Everyone smoked and the habit was a common and acceptable behavior and even kicking his pack-a-day routine didn’t save him from the cancer that coursed through his body as he got older. He suffered in the end, but we did travel a little before he got too ill to go around the world.
“The months traveling with him are ones that I hold near and dear to my heart, as they were the only uninterrupted moments I ever had with him. He left my mom early in my life, and I did not get a chance to live with him when I was young. He stayed tied to his Navy lifestyle, serving until he was no longer able to handle the hustle and bustle of it. He settled in Oregon a few years into my time in the Navy, and I visited frequently once he fell ill. I stayed with him toward the end.”
I continue, telling Becs about how at that time he was so frail, but still lucid and telling stories from his time on all the ships as a Navy man himself. She’s genuinely happy I have all these stories to tell about him, and I see her eyes well up when I open up about how hard it was to see him suffer.
When she wipes her tears, she says something I wasn’t prepared for. “Seeing Beau fall ill, then pass away, was one of the hardest things. I felt so much pain because he was a piece of my life that I wasn’t sure how to live without. But then the pain I saw in Elody’s eyes as she cared for him made it all so hard to handle at times.
“I knew his prognosis, and I did as much as I could from here, while they were still in Nebraska. I referred him to the best doctors, but like most who have cancer in their gallbladder, he found out once it had already metastasized and it was too late. He had been suffering for years from what he thought were bad cases of heartburn.
“It wasn’t until I saw him have an episode, that I urged him to seek medical treatment, thinking it was gallstones. Unfortunately, although that was the source of his attacks, they discovered he had stage four cancer, and not too long after that, we were navigating life without him.”
I suddenly find it hard to swallow. Beau was my closest friend growing up, and the fact I cut ties with him in a very similar fashion as I did Becca, I’m incredibly disappointed in myself. When I finally gained the courage to start digging around to try and connect with him, I discovered my friend had passed away right before his thirty-eighth birthday.
I look at Becs and her demeanor has changed. I can almost hear the gears shifting in that brain of hers, and I sense her question before she asks it.
“Just tell me, Shane. Out with it. Why did you leave so suddenly? Let’s start there so I can have a clearer picture as to why you derailed all of our lives.”
My mouth suddenly feels dry, and I feel uncomfortable in my seat.
“Listen, Becs, I understand you’re sitting on a mountain of questions, but in all honesty, can we simply savor this time we have with one another without getting to this part of our conversation just yet? To say I’ve missed you seems like it isn’t enough to fully describe how lost I’ve felt throughout the years.
“Since I saw you a few weeks ago, my heart feels like it’s beating for the first time in nearly thirty years. I know so much has been left unknown, and I know your mind is reeling at the fact that I’m sitting across from you right now. I want to go into the why soon, but today has been emotionally taxing, and I finally feel like you’re not going to spit fire toward me just from my presence. Can we table this part of our discussion for another day? Do you mind if I explain everything to you, but in time instead of right now?”
I’m grasping at straws here because I do feel like I need to get to know the Becca that appears before me now. I want to sit and explain everything that transpired on that graduation day, but I also want to build a new foundation with her.
She bites her lower lip, and I can see it’s taking everything in her to let this go for now. It’s not that I’m ashamed of why I tore us apart because I was young and influenced by feelings I should have expressed, instead of making assumptions about what was best for others who could make decisions about their own lives. It was selfish in many ways, but it came from a place of love, and I hope that once I talk it through with her, she’ll see where I was coming from.
Finally, after contemplating this for a few minutes, she looks up at me, “Yes, I can live with that for now, but I am owed an explanation and deserve to hear it soon. No more beating around the bush. But I, too, would like to enjoy this moment where I do not want to throw my coffee in your face.”
She smiles and I know that she’s opening up her heart again to me, even if just a little, and that makes me feel like I’ve won the lottery. I’ll take any progress toward a future where I can see more of Becca’s smiles.
ChapterFifteen
REBECCA
May 1997
It’s Memorial Day and I can feel the summer showing itself in the way the weather has started with a strong heatwave this weekend. I am sitting by Beau’s pool with my bikini on, sipping a Diet Coke, Ellie by my side, and the boys in the pool.
