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While Shane has been away, I have been preparing for Halloween with the twins. We usually have a theme going between us, but this year is the first time they won’t be trick-or-treating. They got invited to a classmate’s house for a party, something I’m still not used to for the two of them. Luckily, it’s a few doors down from my place, and the parents assured me they would keep an eye out.
So I FaceTimed Shane at one point to show him the costume I chose to wear to hand out candy. Well, that’s what I prefaced in my text, however, I wore a cheer uniform that was a little too scandalous to greet trick-or-treaters, so he had a nice little surprise when he picked up the video call. Things got a little heated and he was begging to see me immediately after he returned to the city. I assured him that on Halloween night, which is only two days away, I would be wearing scrubs, which isn’t far from my norm. Being on-call, that is the most convenient attire for that night.
I look up toward the heavens, admiring this beautiful fall day in New York. It’s warmer than usual today. There’s a bit of a breeze, but nothing a light sweater won’t fix. I arrived at Central Park, per Shane’s request, and placed a large blanket on the ground. I had lunch with Mallory and Jackson before dropping them off at Hudson’s place. His parents just returned from a trip to Greece and wanted to see the kids. When they invited me to stay, I had to decline and it was hard to ignore the squinted gaze in my direction from Hudson.
In the past, I would have interpreted that as jealousy, but the more we are getting accustomed to this role as divorced parents, I see his reaction as one of concern. I see where he’s coming from, and if I were in his shoes, I would probably do a lot more than throw a particular look in his direction.
I said my goodbyes, my presence long forgotten when the kids saw their grandparents pull out a few wrapped gifts from their travels. It warms my heart that my children have grandparents they can see as often as they do theirs. But a part of my heart weeps at the fact that my father was robbed of that experience with my kids. They’re all so incredibly sweet and compassionate that I can close my eyes and envision what a great grandfather he would have been with them.
When I start this what-if scenario, I begin to see Shane in some roles I had once dreamed he’d be a part of. Seeing my belly swollen, rubbing my feet as we watched television, taking walks in the park like the one I’m at now with him by my side and a stroller in front of us. So many dreams were lost when he walked away from us that I have to force myself from going down that road. Many nights I cried myself to sleep knowing he was off living his life, and I felt like my own had been shattered.
I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear heavy breathing from someone approaching me. I open my eyes, squinting from the bright sun on my face, and see Shane standing above me.
Did he jog here? “Hey, you. What in the world are you doing?”
I can’t help but take in this fine man in front of me. He has his shirt hanging out of his shorts as if the heat surprised him as it had me. He’s sweating, the lingering tan from the summer still painting his skin. His tattoo, a reminder of the pain he felt when we were apart, glistening under the rays of the sun.
His body is something out of one of the steamy romance novels I devour when I have time. He’s got muscles for days, and I look at each part of him like I’ve never seen muscles on a man. Luckily my glasses cover where I’m looking because my focus is not on his face.
I must be staring because Shane starts snapping his fingers in front of me, getting my attention. I look up at his face this time, wishing he hadn’t caught me. He grabs my water bottle and starts drinking out of it.
“Excuse me, I planned ahead and did not jog here. You’re all sweaty. This is what you conjured up as a good time to meet up—mid-run?” I’m trying to act offended, but looking at his torso exposed like this seems to be a little unexpected treat for me.
“First off, I couldn’t pass up this gorgeous weather. But the truth of the matter is I got sucked into a meeting when I landed, and it ended up taking longer than expected and I didn't have time for my run this morning, so I thought I’d get one on my way to seeing you. My buddy’s place isn’t too far from here, and I can run back that way and shower if we decide where we want to go after the park. As for the water, I’m parched and saw your drink. It’s not like we haven’t done more than share drinks, Becs.” He winks with that last statement and my cheeks flush.
He takes another long pull of my water and then sets it down. I’ve long forgotten what he was talking about as I drink him in with my gaze a little more. It’s only now I realize he has a towel draped behind him coming out of the shorts as well. He grabs that and wipes himself down, but does not proceed to cover up his muscles, so I just watch as he moves his way down to my blanket, sitting next to me.
“Well, as long as you aren’t drinking other people’s water bottles and then using mine, we’re good.” Yeah, I put it out there, hoping he catches the hidden meaning.
He looks straight ahead and my heart rate picks up. Maybe I’ve made the wrong assumption and he wants to see other people. I feel like there’s so much of Shane I don’t know now that we’re older. But we aren’t in our twenties, playing games. And he should know with me, it’s either you’re in or out. I’m not the type to share and he knows this.
“Still talking in code, I see. Yes, Becs, your water is the only water I’ll drink, and your pussy is only mine as well.” With that, he starts laughing when he sees my eyes wide as saucers.
The mouth on this one hasn’t changed, I realize. I blush even more than before because I’m only human. Then I start to think about him getting near my lady bits and…is the forecast reading over one hundred degrees today? It feels like the park turned up the thermostat.
Trying to keep my heart rate from doubling, and unable to control how wet I’ve gotten all of a sudden, I look at him and finally find the words to respond.
“Okay, good to know. So no sharing of drinks and—otherthings,” I say with a wink.
He seems to like that response and puts his arm around the bottom part of my back and rubs in circles, much like he did when we were younger. It’s amazing how one little gesture is so comforting and reassuring, all at once.
* * *
We relax in the park for another hour and decide to walk to Noah’s place. Shane tells me a little about his friend and his wife, Marie, as we walk along the streets of New York. We arrive at their building and make our way inside. We’re greeted by the doorman, Connor, and it feels like this is just as much Shane’s place as it is Noah’s.
I watch the interaction between Shane and Connor as we walk toward the elevator, and it strikes me that not much about Shane’s behavior is that different from when we were in high school. I hear people can return from serving with a different mindset and outlook on life, but it seems Shane still has that genuine heart he always had back then.
When we arrive at the door of Noah’s apartment, Shane fidgets with the key in the lock. All of a sudden, Noah opens the door and begins harassing Shane about breaking and entering. Shane taps him on the shoulder and makes his way inside. The moment I walk in, it’s evident their bond runs deep, and I’m glad Shane has had someone kind by his side, although I would have loved that relationship throughout the years with him as well.
Noah looks my way right when a beautiful woman, which I assume is Maria, comes in, drying her hands on a towel. Her smile is bright, and she extends her hand. “Hi, I’m Maria and this is my husband, Noah. We’re the unfortunate ones that provide food and shelter for this one when he’s in town.” She nods in Shane’s direction and smiles. Shane smiles and gives Maria a hug, while Noah extends his hand to properly introduce himself to me.
Noah speaks next, “I’ve heard so much about you throughout the years, I feel like I’ve known you as long as I’ve known Shane. It’s great to finally meet you in person.”
Noah is genuine in his greeting, and it’s nice to know Shane hadn’t really forgotten about me all those years ago, although it felt that way for me. I shake his hand and then stand back as Shane tells both of them what we’ve done throughout the day. For some reason, something about the interaction takes me back to when we were young, and Shane had picked me up for one of our dates when I turned seventeen.
I stood in the bathroom trying my best to get myself all dolled up to see Shane. I know that traditionally turning sixteen was a big deal, but something about turning seventeen today makes me feel even older. Shane and I weren’t the type of couple to argue much, but for some reason, since the barbecue for Memorial Day, I was a little on edge. Hearing him talking about being away from one another in roughly a year put a sour taste in my mouth. I was upset but couldn’t understand what caused this change of behavior in me.
I put on some more lip gloss and swiped the mascara wand over my lashes and decided that was enough. I didn’t need blush as I got some color at the pool today. My baby blue dress hugged my curves, and my white tennis shoes were the perfect addition to my whole ensemble. Mom bought the entire outfit for me as a birthday gift and I loved it. I tried to shake the mood I was in, but no matter how I tried to change my point of view, I was still irritated.
