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After a long shower per my usual standards and pondering what I’m going to wear for far too long, I finally head downstairs. Going out in our forties is no joke. I have to mentally cheer myself on to get out the door after five-thirty on a night off. I said a quicksee ya laterto my sweats because I’m already dreaming of my wardrobe change later tonight.
I look down at my phone seeing that it’s been silent all day. Shane mentioned being in meetings throughout the day, but it’s late in London, and he usually sends something over, even if it’s simply an “I love you” text. I try not to let this rub me the wrong way, but I have some abandonment issues due to his behavior in the past, and I need to let it be.
I’m about to text Ellie and Laney that I’m ready when I hear laughter and the motion from my Ring doorbell go off on my phone. Shortly after is my Ring notification that the bell has been rung. I place my phone in my purse and head toward the door. I feel good in my skinny jeans—and no one will tell me skinny jeans and the side part is out—with my tight top that goes perfectly with the coat I have to put on to ensure I don’t freeze to death in this November chill coming in. When I open the door, Laney comes racing in, saying she has to pee. I look at her funny because she just walked a few doors down.
Ellie walks in, complaining, “I swear my sister has a bladder the size of a kiwi.”
I scrunch my nose. “That’s a weird comparison.”
I close the door behind her, and while I’m putting my shoes on, Laney is making it back from the restroom, detouring through the kitchen because she’s snacking on an apple.
“I’m starving!” She’s eating that apple like it’s the best fruit she’s ever ingested.
I stare a little extra at her but let my thoughts go as I see Betty make her way to Laney. Betty has a soft spot for Laney and always has. My pup senses Laney’s pain and always snuggles next to her when Laney is here.
I wish my dog did the same for me, but I have to say if anyone is going to steal my dog’s attention, Laney is the person who deserves it. Laney bends down, sharing a piece of apple with Betty, while patting her head. Betty leans into her touch while chewing on the apple like I didn’t just feed her an entire meal when I got home.
I run Betty to the bathroom in the little yard I have out back and, once inside again, turn some music on so she doesn’t feel alone. She gives Laney one last bit of her love and walks off. I wait to see if she will remember I’m her owner and meander back to me, but she puts her nose up and walks off, her tail giving off Pepe le Pew vibes. I let out a quick, “Love you, Betty. See you soon my love.” Silence is what I get in response but I know she loves me deep down. At least I hope she does.
My friends chuckle by my side, saying I give a better goodbye to the dog than I do the kids, and I explain the kids never wag their tails to see me when I get home.
It’s a short walk and we chat about how the day was. Ellie is still fuming from the email she received from this parent and how she has had to pretty much swallow the complaints he’s thrown her way because private schools are like that. You have to nod and take responsibility for the issue, although Ellie wasn’t in the wrong.
Ellie continues to talk about this stick-up-the-ass parent and how he probably needs to get laid. She gave us a little background that he was some professional hockey player, but since none of us follow the sport, we don’t really idle on that fact. She said he’s a single-father and she rambles that she sees why no woman would want to date him and that he needs to direct his anger towards someone other than his daughter’s teacher.
By the time Ellie lets all this anger out and has caught us up on the latest communication with this parent, we’re at the bar and start walking in. We find a booth nearby and take a seat. We’ve been here a few times but not often enough to call over our favorite server and request the usual. I’ve always wanted a place like that because it seems all my small-town romance novels have quaint locations, and everyone knows their names in those storylines. I guess Pat’s Diner was that kind of place when I was younger, but I haven’t found that since leaving Saddle Ridge.
Our server makes their way to us, and we put in some appetizers and drinks to get started. On our way in, we saw that it was nineties night at the bar, and from the moment I walked in, I felt at home here. There’s nothing a little Biggie Smalls or 2Pac can’t fix after a long day of work. I can’t help but sing along to the music and sway my shoulders from side to side.
Ellie is used to this behavior, but Laney still finds it slightly concerning that I can remember the lyrics all these years later. She doesn’t realize how often I listened to my Walkman and later graduated to my Discman in college for my workouts. Laney was too young back then, but I have tried my hardest to immerse her in the songs of her generation, although she was an infant and preschooler in those years. Even when she lived with me, she didn’t quite get into the genre of music I chose to blast when the kids weren’t home.
Our food and drinks arrive, and we are laughing the night away. I can’t help but take in my surroundings. After years of feeling like life was not the kindest to me, things are finally coming together. I’m working in my favorite profession, my kids are all thriving, and I have Shane back to make my heart whole again.
I can’t really begin to say how incredibly content I am in my life at this moment. I’m going to burst that bubble when he returns, and we have to open up the can of worms that is our past and try to find a way to navigate those feelings. But I think that we can maturely talk about how life has felt without one another in it and find a way to move past the resentment I’ve been holding for so long. I tell them both about my feelings and how nervous I am about confronting Shane, and they both look at me with saddened expressions.
Laney looks toward me and asks, “Has he even explained himself regarding the letter?”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. Her lips come together in a straight line like she’s disappointed, although she was too young to truly know Shane the way Ellie and I did, but the aftermath of destruction he left behind was enough to make her keep her feelings about us reuniting at arm’s length.
She continues, “I don’t get how you could just be around him without clearing the air. There’s a lot of unsaid sadness between the two of you, and you deserve an explanation. There’s more than just you to explain himself to and I’m curious what he has to say.”
I look down at my drink. Laney isn’t wrong, but it’s hard to express why I’m enjoying this little bubble Shane and I have created since he knocked on my door two months ago. I decide to let the conversation dwindle on the Shane subject, as I feel like nothing I explain here will really help. Tomorrow, when Shane gets back, as jet-lagged as he’ll be, we will tackle our past and hopefully find a way to move forward together.
We continue to chat, the subject line ping-ponging from Ellie’s school year to Laney’s therapy sessions. Before we realize it, we've been here for about an hour. We are mostly surrounded by people our age, as the millennials and younger have hipper spots to hang at, when we start to see people get up and dance. I see why, as “Pony” by Ginuwine comes on, and it’s a song that is hard to resist.
I used to play this song nonstop when it first came out, and my body seems to remember how to move much like it used to. Unlike others experiencing their college years, I was stuck at home either caring for my personal life or studying. I had a goal and I would reach it, no matter how much it was stacked against me at such a young age. I found myself being an adult too early in my life. So taking a moment to go out onto a dance floor and shaking what my mama gave me seems like the best of plans right now.
I pull Laney and Ellie with me, both resisting my request but giving in. I don’t always get a chance to go out in this fashion, and tonight I’m taking advantage. The three of us are dancing, laughing, and soaking this time together when I see someone come up to us and begin dancing. I look over, shocked, to see my brother standing behind Laney, dancing pretty damn close to her in a more than friendly manner. I smack him on the arm, and he looks over, rubbing the area I just hit as if I caused irreversible damage.
“Hey! What was that for?” he says, acting like a wounded puppy.
I point at him. “First you don’t let me know you’re in town, and then you just show up and grind up against Laney without saying hi to your sister?” I cross my arms and Grant opens his arms and scoops me up. He kisses the top of my head, as he got our father’s height.
“Oh, I’m so sorry you’re not feeling loved, Becca. I love you.” He pats me on my head and then moves his attention back to Laney, this time grabbing her hand and pulling her further into the crowd of people.
He whispers something in her ear, and she blushes. I can tell her focus is only on Grant, and little does she realize she is now surrounded by people, which is usually a hard task for her. Although I do hope Grant knows what he’s doing when it comes to Laney and her heart. I can see he wants her to feel secure in a space that usually brings high anxiety to her. Ellie and I give each other a look, mostly because seeing Grant and Laney together isn’t as shocking as it is welcome.
We continue to dance and soak up the music. The music keeps going, each song mixing with another oldie but goodie that I can’t resist dancing to. Grant comes by with a tired Laney, stating he’s going to take her back to Ellie’s house. I can tell from Laney’s gaze that her social battery is near empty, and she’s overstimulated. We say our goodbyes to them both and they head out the front. My attention returns to Ellie, and we continue to dance.
