Page 44 of If Only You Knew


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My heart is racing as I turn back around toward the test. I continue to hold Ellie’s hand in mine, pulling her closer with me as I take another step toward the counter. Looking down and staring back are the only answers I need to know my life is forever changed.

Who knew a little plastic test could hold so much significance? But here we are, now my use of the wordwesignifies me and this little being growing inside me, and I will do everything in my power to ensure they are loved and cared for most importantly.

ChapterTwenty-Five

REBECCA

Present Day

I walk toward the front door when I hear her calling me. The first person to ever call me by that name, and hearing her voice still brings my heart so much fullness, it’s hard to put into words. She’s been my little buddy from the moment our bond was formed.

I know I’m not only going to find my firstborn at my entryway, but I’ll find her father in shock at seeing her for the first time, despite him never wanting her in the years before this moment. He never brought her up since seeing me again, and I was going to bring that to light when we spoke this morning, but our girl beat me to it instead.

I make my way to the front of the house and what I find is a stare-off between my daughter and her father. She has that softness about her features. Always calm and collected, like Shane, a trait I always envied about her.

I never kept anything from her when she asked about her father. I told her how monumental our love was for one another that led to her creation. I showed her pictures of him from when Shane and I were younger, a love that could be felt through the developed film.

She knew what he looked like, at least that much I could give her. I never gave details about his harsh words that eventually led to me closing that door to Shane and our lives, and I simply told her he was living another life without us. She never harbored resentment or anger toward him. I’d say she held more curiosity than anything.

When I turn my gaze toward Shane, I freeze. He’s looking at her with disbelief more than anything. He looks at her as if he has no idea of her existence. At least that is how I am interpreting his gaze. And now I must look confused because as my eyebrows furrow in confusion, Shane finally breaks his stare with his daughter to give me a look of absolute horror.

“We have a daughter together, and you failed to mention that to me?” he nearly spits out at me.

The shock of his words stun me, and I’m paralyzed in place, confused by his accusation.

Failed to mention?What is he talking about?

My daughter looks at him as confused as I feel. I quickly turn my attention to my girl and open my arms for her to hug me. She’s slightly taller than me but does not reach Shane’s height. She comes toward me and embraces me, her hold strong and full of love. She separates from me and looks back at Shane.

“So, you’re my father? I’ve seen pictures but seeing you in person feels surreal.” She smiles at him, and Shane pulls his glare away from me to look at her, his gaze softening.

“I’m sorry, but can someone clue me in on what’s happening?” Shane speaks again, his tone even but curt.

I can’t figure out why he is so angry at the realization of his daughter after what he said to me years ago. I finally give him an answer, but I don’t know if this appeases him or angers him more than anything.

“Shane, this is your daughter, Olive.” I motion toward Liv, as if this is a natural occurrence.

Unfortunately, Shane does not share my sentiment and simply whispers, “Olive.”

He looks back at me and he softens slightly at the name he hears, one he chose years ago, when our dreams felt like they’d be a reality more than a fantasy. Unfortunately, our paths did not lead toward the happy ending we wanted, but I still got a life with a piece of Shane by my side.

Olive looks at Shane and puts her hand out for a handshake. Shane looks down at her hand and disregards it, pulling her into a hug. When he embraces her, I see tears pooled in his eyes, and when he closes them, the tears release into Olive’s hair.

He holds her there for a while, taking her in. I know hearing about a baby and then seeing said child grown can be shocking, but his reaction goes beyond shock. It seems more like he’s in disbelief rather than shock. And now I am more confused about why he seems to know nothing about the existence of our daughter.

When they pull away, I turn to Olive to ask her about her trip into the city.

“Liv, sweetheart, you said you’d be in on Monday. I thought you had to finish some research at the university before leaving for the holiday.”

I smile toward her because she really is an exceptional person. She and I grew so much together, I can’t help but see not only my daughter but my friend. So many nights wondering how I’d care for her, turned into many nights of us figuring life out together. And it was a time when we grew closer with one another. We had help, but most of all, we had each other.

Each step I took forward felt like a step forward for her too, from my time studying late at night, to walking toward a career in medicine, she was there every step of the way. My accomplishment felt like hers as well. She was my biggest cheerleader as she watched me grow in my profession, and I don’t know how I would have gotten through the tough moments, especially missing Shane without her knowledge, but she was my rock without even understanding that herself.

I had told her I reconnected with her dad when Shane first came back. I told her how it was a shock, and I was still navigating my feelings. I kept my resentment and anger to myself, as I wanted her to meet Shane and come to her own conclusions about his presence. I didn’t need her harboring my negative emotions while also trying to navigate her own toward a father she is only now meeting for the first time.

“Yeah, that was the plan. But I was able to finish early, and I thought I’d surprise you instead.”

She beams her beautiful smile, her Shane smile as I secretly thought of it. They have so many similarities, and each time I saw them as she grew up, I felt like they were ways in which Shane was with us. So I never resented her similarities to her father and, instead, welcomed them. I missed him so much, and having these little glimpses of him along this journey gave me strength in many ways.

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