Page 60 of If Only You Knew


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Shane is still in search of a place to rent, so he’s been with Noah or staying upstate to visit with Liv when he can. Because I have my place to myself tonight, he’ll be heading over to stay a few days with me. I emptied some space in my drawers and closet for him, as it’s not convenient to keep bringing items over to stay the night.

Since I was able to introduce Shane, as my friend, to the twins at Thanksgiving, he’s been coming around more often so they can get to know him. I’ve since told them that we are together and that Shane is Liv’s father.

Their reaction was as expected, with them both saying, “Gross, Mom. You’re too old to be dating.”

But then they were very accepting of us together, seeing how happy I was around Shane. I think they also liked that I wasn’t bothering them to clean up their room as much because I was too busy letting my heart grow now that Shane was back in my life. Either way, I consider this a win.

Once we are back home, we cuddle with Betty on the couch, grabbing some popcorn and starting a movie. I was never one to do much on New Year’s Eve, although for my entire adult life, I have had children to care for. Liv and I used to do exactly this; cuddle on the couch and binge-watch movies.

Sitting on the couch, his arm extended behind my back, he pulls me closer to him. Betty, being the traitor she is, snuggles next to Shane’s other side, giving me the side-eye, as if I’m encroaching on her man and not the other way around.

Can dogs give you a side-eye? If not, I just found the first canine that can. My dog doesn’t even like to cuddle, but with Shane, she’s a whole other creature. I get where she’s coming from though; he’s pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself.

We settle and soon enough, I wake up to darkness outside and the television changed to one of the stations that features the ball drop. I look around, not finding Shane by my side, but I’m tucked under a blanket, and a pillow is now resting under my head. I cannot believe I fell asleep like that. I get up, in search of the one man I want to kiss at midnight.

I go into the kitchen where I find him making a meal and lighting some candles at the table.

“What are you doing?” I say to him, and he looks up, his smile growing as I enter the room.

“Well, a new year is upon us. I thought I’d start off with a farewell dinner for one of the best conclusions to a year I’ve had in some time.”

The smile that spreads across my face is easy, and I feel like everything is coming together in a way I had given up on.

I sit down and we talk until it nears midnight. We move back toward the couch, Betty long forgetting the festivities, and Shane fills our champagne flutes. We count down, each number feeling like a push toward so much more than a new year. It feels like the start to all new memories together. My smile brightens as we countdown.

“Three…two…one…Happy New Year!” we yell to one another and embrace.

He kisses me and I open, feeling him slide his tongue in my mouth. We kiss like we’re teens again, and I can’t get enough of him.

We break apart when we hear our phones pinging with our loved ones sending well wishes for the new year, and I can’t help but smile at how right this all feels. My three kids take a selfie with my mom and Rick. Their smiles are bright, and I treasure the three of them together so much. My mom and Rick look at ease and content as well, which is all I can ask for, as I remember all too well when my mom’s eyes harbored so much sadness.

I smile toward Shane again, and the smile he returns to me flips me on my axis in such a beautiful way. A long time ago, the boy I loved left me. He left believing that I was better off without him. But until recently, I have lived half-awake to the happiness this world could offer. I was living this life, walking through it like I was missing a limb. But he returned, and he has brought me back to life. He has completed me in a way I never expected.

My love for Shane never wavered, even when I thought the worst of him. So I stand before him knowing that we’ve walked separate paths, but they all led back to one another.

Epilogue

SHANE

One Year Later

A little over a year ago, my life looked very different. I worked to live each day, but I can’t really say I lived every day to the fullest. I lived to get through it, and I guess I walked this earth in search of her everywhere, without even knowing it. Since I found Becca again, all the puzzle pieces have come together.

I stand in our kitchen, prepping a big surprise for my girl. And yes, it’s nowourkitchen. I moved in with Becs and the twins about four months ago. When we approached a year after reuniting with one another, we decided to have the conversation about living together. We spoke to Hudson to ensure he was comfortable with our new arrangement, then proceeded to get the green light from the twins. It felt like it was the natural progression of things.

Mallory and Jackson are in the other room right now, putting together the finishing touches of my plan. Although they have had many teenage mood swings I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing, when I told them my plan for tonight, they jumped at the opportunity to help. Olive went out to grab one last part I need before Becs returns from the hospital. Becca had to cover a colleague today at the office, and a patient went into labor. The delay has worked in my favor.

My relationship with the twins is going smoothly. I think there was some time we all needed to adjust, but they never treated me with hostility, and I never tried to treat them like I was their father. I help where I can, and it seems Jackson is trusting me more with questions relating to some stuff at school. I like having this connection with them, especially as Liv and I missed out on this while she was growing up.

I think the relationship I am most surprised about has been with Hudson. For all the anger he had toward me, once he realized I truly was here to add to Becca and Liv’s lives, he opened up to me. It’s hard to see his gaze linger on Becca the way it does at times, but I think it’s more out of regret for treating her poorly than being in love with her.

I once asked him why he never went searching for me when he found out who I was from Becca. He confided that he almost did, but a part of him didn’t want me to ruin what he had with Becca while they were together. Plus, he knew that Becs wasn’t wanting to find me, thinking my feelings written in that letter were true. He honored her wishes, and he feels like things evolved the way they were supposed to.

He told me how it was watching Liv grow up, and I see that he brings happiness to her life that they both hold close to their hearts. I appreciate what he did for both of my girls as they were getting through life the best they knew how. We can be cordial together, and when I confided in him about my plans for tonight, he was completely supportive of it.

I gather the last few items from the kitchen and make my way toward the family room. It’s perfect. We moved the furniture out of the way and put blankets all around. The projector is pointed toward the ceiling, just the way I envisioned. I smile as I take it all in.

I hear the key in the door, and soon Olive comes around the corner, purple roses in her arms.

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