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There is no hope for us and yet I cannot forget her. And I cannot accept that we cannot be together. I will not accept it. Maybe it is simply that the King was especially tedious this morning. But the thought of giving up Diane to become King makes me itch with annoyance.
The mansion is quiet when I walk in and stride through the entryway. I fling my coat hastily onto the coat rack before turning to the small parlor near the front door.
Even though I cannot accept giving up Diane, I also cannot stomach the thought of giving up my life’s work. I have worked virtually all my life to become King. My mother sacrificed everything she had to make me who I am today.
Perfect. Poised. A great warrior and negotiator. And if she were alive today, bless her soul, she would have a coronary. But she is not alive though, is she?
She is long gone, and I am alone. How long am I expected to live this solitary life? And when I become King, am I expected to take an elven wife? A woman who does not make me burn with passion?
Am I expected to live out the rest of my days with a bore by my side?
Instead, I could have Diane, my mate. The woman chosen for me by some power unknown to anyone. I could have a future with her and be happy.
As I sit down at my study desk and pull my papers towards me, I consider the word. Being happy sounds like a foreign concept. It is not something I have ever thought too hard about. Probably because it has nothing to do with my purpose.
To become King.
But I could be happy. And I would not have to be alone any longer.
I let out a sharp exhale as I sign the documents in front of me. My chest almost aches at the thought. The thought of not being alone. The thought of having a companion. A friend. A lover.
I have never allowed myself to think of it too closely. Until Diane. But she consumes me. All of me.
I shove the papers aside, unable to focus on them. Then I get up from the desk, straightening my collar. I start pacing around the small room as I consider what to do. As I consider what to give up.
What am I willing to lose?
I am walking out of the study before I know it. Heading up the stairs to the first floor I hear low voices. They murmur in the distance. As I stride down the hallway, Reynolds hurries to meet me.
I know immediately that something is wrong. I know Reynolds better than he knows himself. He raised me as a child and has maintained my household all my life.
“Sir?” An obvious undercurrent of concern ripples through his low voice. It has to be Diane and my own pulse picks up. My heart is thudding erratically before I even say the first word.
“Reynolds? What is it?” My voice, though gruff, wavers slightly.
“Sir,” he takes a deep breath. “Your guest, Diane. She has not woken up from her nightly slumber,” My skin twitches and my blood pounds, deafening. I can hardly hear Reynolds.
“And she seems to be in pain, Sir, even though she is asleep. She cries out all the time. The servants are starting to become spooked,” Reynolds continues.
Of course, they are. I love my servants dearly. But they are extremely superstitious.
“It is as though she is having a nightmare Sir. She cries and sobs for her mother and younger brother.”
I am a fool. I had received reports while I was away. That Diane was urgently looking for me. That she was worried about something.
She had refused to leave my office until the servants forced her to leave. Whatever she was worried about must be plaguing her now.
A situation involving her mother and brother. I have not even considered her family. I have not even considered that there is more to her.
“Reynolds, I need all the information you can find me on Diane Blaze.” I snap the words at him, and he stands to attention.
He nods curtly, and strides away efficiently.
She is suffering because of me; I know she is. I had neglected her because of my own cowardice. My fear of her. My fear of us.
I am walking towards her bedroom before I know it. The servants hear me coming and scuttle away. They do not want to be caught gossiping. Even though gossiping is what keeps this place alive.
The servants have been the lifeblood of the place. Until Diane came, they were the only reasons I maintained the mansion. I could have lived in a smaller home. But then they would have had nowhere to go.
