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She pats the bench. "Sit. I can't talk to you like this."
I sit. "We're going to be late for the meeting."
Kaia's sweet scent of vanilla washes over me and takes me back to a time when I could have pulled her close and kissed her whenever I wanted. But then I look at her and the feeling fades. She's a woman now, her back straight, her smile unwavering. How much can a person change in five years?
I haven't changed. I'm the same guy, obsessed with being outside and saving lives. Obsessed with making up for the mistakes I made in the past. Have I been standing still, waiting for my Kaia to come back and re-start my life while she's become an adult?
I shake off the thought. Of course I've changed. I've been alone for five years and can appreciate having her back here in a way I never fully appreciated when she was in my life.
"We have a few minutes," she says, her smile kind, but her words firm. The woman I almost married would have catered to my concern and hurried with me to the meeting. This woman is calm and collected, sure of herself in a way she never was with me. Is that because she lacked confidence, or because I'd pushed her to be someone she wasn't comfortable being?
My parents and Lazy's take on my relationship with Kaia keeps playing over and over in my mind. "Was I pushy when we were together?"
Kaia's eyes widen, and she looks utterly surprised. "What? I never felt that you forced me into anything if that's what you mean."
"Not forced. Just… I always thought you loved hiking as much as I did, but Lazy and my parents have suggested I might have misread you."
She purses her lips and glances away. "I hated hiking and camping, Grant, but it's not your fault I didn't tell you. I thought if I forced myself to keep trying, I might learn to love it as much as you do. I loved you so much and I thought I had to love being outdoors the way you do to be the soul mate you thought I was."
I don't correct her use of past tense. No need to remind her I spent the last five years continuing to think she's my soul mate. Not that I've been broken-hearted and longing for her, or even thinking of her that often in recent years, but that I just assumed she and I'd end up together. I've dated for the fun of it, but never worried about finding anyone serious, because Kaia's it for me. "I'm sorry. I should have paid more attention. I should have known you hated it. If you'd told me you did, we could have done other things together."
Her smile is sad. "And you would have been miserable. As much as I loved you, Grant, we were never right for each other."
I nod, but just as quickly, I shake my head. "There are couples who have nothing in common and they work out."
"But we didn't." She puts her hand over mine.
I feel only warmth from her touch. There's no zing of attraction, none of the relief I imagined I'd feel when I finally touched her again. Clearly my body understands we're over in a way my mind is struggling to accept.
"No. We didn't." I look at her. Really look. "City life looks good on you."
She lights up. "I love it. I'm not truly in the city, of course, but close enough. There's so much to do there. It never gets boring."
"I'm happy for you, Kaia. You deserve to be happy."
"That's a really generous thing for you to say to me after what I did to you."
I shrug. "It was a long time ago and maybe I'm as much to blame as you. If I'd paid more attention, I might have noticed how unhappy you were."
She frowns and grips my shoulders, looking me in the eye. "Never unhappy, Grant. I loved you and I loved spending time with you. You're a good man and I'm lucky to have had your love, but you weren't right for me. When I ran away, it was because I had doubts about us I didn't know how to voice. Every step I took away from this town and from you felt more right than the last."
I can't help my wince or the pain that cuts me to the quick. And it's not just the part about how running away from me made her so happy, it's that she had doubts when I had none. What did she see that I was missing? How could I have been so wrong about something that felt so right?
Kaia sighs. "I know that look, Grant. You're overthinking this. You did everything right. Every. Thing. You just weren't right for me and I know, with time, you would have realized I've never been the woman for you."
And if that's true, what does that say about soul mates? If Kaia isn't it for me, who is? "I get it, Kaia. I understand why you left the way you did, and I'm truly happy for you. Not sure I'm ready for a bromance with your fiancé, but I'll be polite."
She releases my shoulders and pats my knee. "I know you will, Grant. You always do the right thing."
I stand, ready to be done with this conversation. "We're going to have to jog across town to make it to the meeting on time."
Kaia stands with me. "A conference room at the hotel opened up, so we don't have to meet at the tourism offices." She links her left arm through my right. "We just have to make a leisurely two-block stroll."
"Nice of everyone to let me know." We start toward the hotel, our steps syncing up like we've made this walk together a million times. Maybe our bodies remember better than our minds.
"I would have called you, but you are nothing if not predictable, Grant Holiday. I knew you'd stop at Lazy's bookstore first." She hums thoughtfully. "Dani's a surprise. She's adorable. I like her for your soul mate."
"I met her when she was camping without paying the fee."
