AllFreeNovel
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Xavier is in Denver today, meeting with investors about opening a store there. He's bummed not to be here with me, but I fully support him pursuing his dream.
And he's not my boyfriend, I remind myself. Not. My. Boyfriend.
I pause for a breath and look around at the townspeople, all working hard to help one of their own. It's a beautiful thing to see. Josephine has an amazing chosen family. She lives alone in her big old farmhouse, but she's never really alone. She meets friends for meals out or skiing. And she has visitors at the house all the time.
Maybe I don't need a man to have a good life. Maybe I don't need RJ at all.
The thought lifts a heavy weight from my chest. The fear is still there, but it's fear of the unknown, which is also kind of exciting. So my first business plan failed. So what? Xavier seems to think I'm good at branding. Maybe I can really make a go of that.
I'm feeling so good that when my phone vibrates with an incoming video call from my mother, I answer. I'm not sure why. Maybe I have a moment of wanting to share my good news with her, or maybe I miss her. She's not an easy person or a very good mother, but she's still the only one I've got and I love her.
Her face fills the screen, and she looks the same as she always has. Botox and good make-up, plus no expense spared on covering the grays, helps, of course, but my mother has always looked younger than her years.
"What are you wearing?"
I pat the nubby wool hat on my head. "I know. Isn't it horrible?"
She narrows her eyes and gasps. "Is that snow around you? Are you somewhere cold?"
My mother hates the cold. She prefers cruises and tropical vacations to ski trips. If she could afford it or find a husband to keep her there, she'd live in Vegas all the time. "I'm in Colorado. I'm actually kind of used to the cold and the snow." I won't tell her yet that I like it, or that I'm considering trying to learn to snowboard again. The first time I went was on a vacation with Mom's third husband and I wiped out hard and sprained my wrist. Baby steps. It's best to ease Mom into things.
"Oh, honey. Do you want me to come and get you? I'll take you to your sister and we'll get you warmed up."
I laugh. She's so ridiculous, but she means every word. Despite all her faults, she'd find a way to rescue me if I really needed it. "No thanks, Mom. I'm all good."
"You look happy." Her expression softens. "I can't remember the last time I've seen you look so happy."
"I am happy, Mom."
"Good. That's all I want is for my babies to be happy. God knows how Gen is happy with that horrible man—"
"Mom, don't." Gen's husband is wonderful, but Mom hates him and blames him for Gen cutting her off. My mother is one hundred percent to blame for Gen ceasing all contact, but understanding that would require our mother to admit her mistakes. She'll never do that. "Did you just call to chat? Or is something up?"
"Oh, darling. Things didn't work out with Fabrizio. I'm staying with your Aunt Natalie and her boyfriend at his ranch in the back end of nowhere Arizona and I'm bored, darling. What do you say we do a spa trip, just the two of us?"
There's a part of me, the little girl always eager for her mother's attention, who wants to drop everything and go with her, but the adult part of me knows better.
Mom's way of dealing with her problems is to flee and look for a solution in the bed of a wealthy man. In the end, I'll always be forgotten if a better opportunity comes along. It used to hurt, but I've grown enough to understand it's not personal. My mother loves me. She's just not a whole, healthy person who can be anything but toxic, even to the people she loves most.
"I can't, Mom. I'm busy with a project here. You'd love it. We're creating a Christmas wonderland with reindeer and wagon rides and—"
I'm losing her, I can see her eyes glazing over. "That sounds terrible. When are you going back to Vegas? I want to visit you there."
I swallow my sigh and my disappointment. Someday, I'll learn to stop expecting more from my mother than she can give. "I don't know, Mom. Listen, I'm really busy here. I'll call you later, okay?"
"Okay, darling." She blows kisses at the screen. "Love you."
"Love you, too." And I do. I really do. Even if I don't feel like a very good daughter.
I head into the barn to look for Josephine and find out where she needs help. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark interior of the barn after the bright light outside and I don't see the big box until I've already banged my shin on it and am falling forward.
I throw my arms out to catch myself, the cement floor of the barn coming toward me fast.
Somehow, I land on my shoulder, my arm twisting awkwardly under me. Something snaps and agony shoots through me like a lightning bolt. I grit my teeth against the pain, but it's encompassing all of my senses, drowning everything out until there's only darkness.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Xavier
