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She scowls. “I don’t see how that’s true. From what you said last night, you sorta helped raise Bink and you’re doing a wonderful job helping Janie with Dom.”
“Bink had Big, too, and Janie is a fine mother without my help.” End of story.
“See. I don’t believe that. You’re a great guy.”
No, I’m not. I’m really not.
It’d be rude to scoff, so I suck back the reaction for Kit’s sake. “As a friend, sure. As a brother, yeah. As a father, no. As a husband, hell no. I’m not built that way. Our mother saw to that.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Kit asks. The wave of soft-faced, open-minded sympathy she produces is downright stifling.
Fuck no, I don’t wanna talk about it. I can’t believe I said as much as I have, which is more than anyone else knows. This woman’s doin’ a damn fine job gettin’ under my skin.
“I’d rather not.” I’m polite, despite the chill I get when mentioning my mother.
Don’t get me wrong… It’s sweet Kit asked. Nobody does. ’Cause I don’t give them a reason to, I guess. When you were raised like we were, it’s easier to forget. People wonder why we’re fucked-up deviants. Probably think it’s genetics, since our mom, Cassie, was a club whore. The thing is… club whore or not, doesn’t fuckin’ matter. No mother makes her kids do what she made us. And ya wonder why relationships and us don’t mix. Why Bonez can’t decide whether he wants to be fuckin’ a chick or submissive under a man. I know that bitch screwed him up more than me. Made him take it up the ass for money, to pay bills our father wasn’t there to help with. He was too busy gambling and ridin’ to care.
Bonez got sold to the cleanest-cut motherfuckers in the highest-class neighborhoods. Top-dollar teen ass. She broke him in first, then added me to the roster for lonely middle-aged housewives with rich husbands. Who doesn’t want a rent boy who matured early for his age to plow you and tell you you’re pretty? They paid extra for the flattery. An all-service buffet between the two of us. Mom was livin’ the high life. Nice clothes, a new car, and what did we get? We fucked or got fucked twice a week for years. Even had couples who wanted foursomes. And the truth of it all? I liked it. No, Ilovedit. The power was all-consuming. I was addicted to the feeling of older bitches wanting to fuck me. Women who thought my dick was good enough. I was a God to them, makin’ ‘em come in ways you could never imagine. They made the teenagers my age seem like inexperienced children in my eyes. I wanted to learn from them. To worship them. To dominate them…
Have you run to the bathroom to vomit yet? ’Cause that’s what you get when you skim the surface of my past. Sick shit all thought up by one devious, evil fuckin’ cunt with dark hair and green eyes.
I hope you rot in Hell, Mother.
Kit reads my sour mood and snaps her fingers to pull me from the past into the present. She scoots her ass along with Chibs off the concrete slab, onto the grass beside me, then pats for me to join her. “If you do wanna talk, you know you can tell me. We might not know each other all that well or that long, but I’d like to consider you a friend. Is that weird? My son’s father as my friend?”
“No. I feel the same.” Gettin’ my old ass to the ground, I groan when my knees pop and the back of my neck aches from stress. But I make it, close enough to smell her sweetness, but not enough to invade her space. Leaning a bit to get comfortable, I splay my fingers in the grass and sweep my sights over the rear of the compound, or what I can see of it.
“Then as your friend and the mother of your son, I have to say, I’m leaving tomorrow to go visit him in jail.” Her shoulder bumps into mine and I wanna groan for a whole other reason.
God, what this woman does to me.
I force myself to focus on her words long enough to reply. “You mind if I tag along?” Tomorrow’s as good of a time as any to meet Adam. I’d rather do it before I set south on a run. If I die, at least he can say he met me. Not much good that does.
“If you want,” she replies.
“This is also the place I tell you, as a friend and sperm donor, I’m goin’ on a run in three days.” Not like Kit’s gonna go crazy over the news. She can’t know enough about runs to worry unless she learned too much watchin’SOA.
She kicks off her sandals and squishes her adorable toes in the grass. I watch every movement like some lovestruck teenager, which is goddamn absurd. “To where and for how long?” she asks.
I shrug. “Can’t say. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. That’s how this works.”
“Club business stays club business.”
“Yes. Did you learn that watchin’SOA?” I sideways glance at Kit to read her reaction.
The blush creeps back in. “Maybe.” She hollows out her cheeks and sucks mighty hard on the last bit of Dum Dum.
Fuck.
I close my eyes to stop lookin’ at her and swallow down a groan before I spring a physical boner when my brain already has the biggest hard-on.
“Kit,” I rasp.
“Yes?”
“Can I tell ya somethin’?”
“Anything,” she breathes.
