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‘Relieved,’ she said. ‘I was so numb when I found out but also a bit relieved as I thought I was going crazy. I had no idea why I was behaving in the way I was. That night we went out with Ruth and Oliver was a prime example. I felt like such a bitch, but I couldn’t help myself from saying what I did.’
He nodded, smiling. ‘I did think you were particularly intolerant that night. Mind you, I couldn’t really blame you. Ruth annoyed me, too.’
‘I think it also made me realize that work has always been my priority and that I need to have more of a balance. But . . . I don’t even know if that means with kids.’ There, she had said it.
He moved closer to her, and they sat staring ahead at the horizon. ‘I’ll let you in on a little secret. That’s exactly what I think, too . . . though obviously if it did happen, I would be delighted as well.’
Emma’s heart soared with relief, and she wiped her eyes.
‘I love you and that is the most important thing in all of this. Being married to you and spending the rest of our lives together is what matters. Not whether we have children or not.’ He looped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. ‘We are a team, and I can’t wait to start this next chapter of our lives with you.’
Emma’s lip wobbled as she thought about the guilt she also felt. ‘I feel so bad for you, though.’
‘But Emma — what if our roles were reversed?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What if I told you that I couldn’t have kids and that I was infertile. Would you walk away and go and find someone who could father a child with you?’
Emma looked horrified at the suggestion. ‘No,’ she gasped. ‘That would be awful. Of course, I wouldn’t.’
‘There you go. So why would I want to do that?’ He tipped her chin up so she was looking at him then gently kissed her on the lips. ‘I don’t want to live without you. I love you and I can’t wait for you to be my wife.’
Emma felt overcome with emotion as the pent-up stress from the last few weeks washed over her. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you straight away,’ she said, shuddering in between sobs.
Max held her close. ‘Shhh,’ he said soothingly, over and over. ‘It’s okay. I love you and everything will be okay, Emma.’
‘It was awful not being able to share with you what was going on. I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t apologize. Just promise me that you will let me know if anything ever worries you again so I can be there for you. Life can be tricky, but we are in this together. We are a team.’
She let him hold her and stroke her hair until her breathing calmed. Then she felt a sense of peace and serenity wash over her and a sense of hope that things would maybe be okay. She looked up at Max with overwhelming love. He was all that mattered, and she knew then that their love for each other would transcend the challenges that would arise in the future. Emma smiled through her tears. Now Max knew and was accepting, she could finally allow herself to look forward to tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Last night, after her evening at the pub with James, Amy had slept fitfully and had ended up sitting for a while watching the moonlight reflecting on the still water. She was in the smaller guest room, at the front of the house, with views over the bay. The calming and still waters looked like the perfect place to escape. But she didn’t think Kirsty or Emma would thank her if she went swimming in the early hours of the morning. Especially when the sun hadn’t yet risen.
She looked out over the garden and thought about all the happy times they had spent there as kids playing rounders, having picnics under the tree and camping over in the corner. She missed that sense of belonging somewhere. She knew she would always have a home here, but it wasn’t the same since Mum died. She felt her loss more acutely when she was here in Arran.
She thought about all that Kirsty had done over the years, especially to support their dad. She needed a break and Amy intended to suggest to Steve that he take her away for a few days. She was sure she could manage the B&B for them, especially if the twins stepped up and helped too.
She always assumed she would never want to return home permanently to live on the island. The grass always seemed greener elsewhere. But now she could imagine herself living back here, which surprised her. She could understand why Kirsty and Steve had moved back when the kids were little. Their upbringing had been idyllic, and it was the best thing their parents could have done for them, but she had neither kids nor a partner.
She must have drifted off because when she opened her eyes, Kirsty stood in front of her, in pyjamas, with a cup of tea. ‘Hey, sleepyhead.’
Amy yawned. ‘Oh dear, I must have nodded off. I couldn’t sleep, so was admiring the view. The moon was huge last night and lit up the bay.’
‘I love sitting there,’ said Kirsty, squeezing in beside her. ‘Even if it’s just for a few minutes here and there in between stripping the beds. It’s like a live picture frame. Always changing and never the same.’
‘I was just thinking that you don’t appreciate things until they’re not there and you miss them.’
She placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder. ‘That sounds a bit melancholy. Are you okay?’
She shrugged. ‘Yes. Just thinking about Mum and the perfect childhood we had.’
‘We were very lucky,’ she said, nodding. ‘There was always a real warmth about our home which I took for granted.’
‘That was all we knew,’ she said. ‘Our friends always loved coming over, didn’t they?’
