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‘He didn’t make it home. The train derailed and the carriage he sat in was the worst affected. He and three other passengers died.’
‘Oh, Edie, I am so sorry. That must have been awful.’
Edie nodded and squeezed Amelia’s hand in return.
‘It was horrendous.’ She grimaced as she relived the moment a policeman had arrived at her door to tell her. It was a moment she would never ever forget for as long as she lived. That was when her world had crumbled.
‘How did you cope?’
‘As best as I could. I don’t know if I coped really. I existed and drifted from one day to the next.’
‘Can I ask what brought you here?’
‘I wanted to start again and be somewhere there weren’t constant reminders of Jim, or people looking at me with pity in their eyes or crossing the road to avoid having to make awkward conversations with me. I wanted to run away.’
Amelia noticed a crumpled letter on the table next to her. ‘Is that something to do with this, Edie?’
‘Actually, yes.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t tell many people this at all. I’m sure you will have gathered I’m quite private and independent. It’s just how I’ve become since losing Jim. After he died . . . well, my sister and I had always been close and even though she lived and worked in London, she suddenly became quite distant. Don’t get me wrong, she was a rock to me when he died. I was actually quite taken aback at how emotional she was. In fact, she was devastated too.’ She rubbed at her eyes. Going over this never got any easier. ‘Turned out she was also grieving for Jim. You see, they’d been having an affair.’
Amelia gasped. ‘How awful for you! Did you suspect anything at the time?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I mean, we had a bit of a rough patch, what with his constant commuting up and down to London, but I didn’t for a minute suspect he was having an affair with anyone, never mind my sister.’
‘How did you find out?’
‘His belongings were eventually returned to me and I found letters in his briefcase.’
‘Oh, Edie. That must have been awful after being widowed in such a terrible way.’
‘I confronted my sister and initially she denied it, but eventually she admitted that, yes, they were having an affair and she was sorry. I haven’t spoken to her since.’ She held up the letter. ‘Now she’s written to me telling me she’s got cancer and doesn’t have long to live.’ She spread her hands across the table. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said.
Amelia exhaled. What a difficult decision to make. She desperately tried to think what the right thing would be to say. ‘Edie, do you want to see your sister?’
Edie wiped away a few tears, which had started to roll down her cheeks. ‘Yes, yes, I do.’
‘And where is she? Is she still in London?’
Edie shook her head. ‘No, she’s in hospital in Glasgow. She moved back there about ten years ago. It’s where we both grew up.’
Amelia hesitated. ‘Can I ask you a question? Do you know how long she’s got?’
‘I phoned the hospital.’ She shook her head in despair. ‘She’s telling the truth. She hasn’t got long to go. This Christmas will almost certainly be her last. If she makes it that long.’
Edie choked back another sob as Amelia enveloped her in a hug.
Chapter Thirty
Amelia sat beside the log burner, curled up on the chair with her journal. Today’s prompt was:Are you courageous?She set the timer on her phone for five minutes and began to write.
Am I courageous? Well . . . until now the thought of being alone and venturing out into the world on my own and not as part of a couple terrified me. I mean, I didn’t leave my marriage or my job. They left me. I always wanted to be married. I loved my job. It wasn’t as though I was bravely making radical changes in my life. I wouldn’t have chosen to walk away from my husband or steady employment. Doesn’t that make me weak and pathetic? Doesn’t that make me the opposite of courageous?
I didn’t take a huge risk or leap in life. This was all forced upon me . . .
She exhaled loudly and glanced at her watch. This was hard. Only two minutes had passed. She doodled some hearts and then tried again.
Am I courageous? Now I am writing for the sake of it and to fill time because I don’t know what to say. I think I am weak. If I had been stronger, then I would have been more aware Declan wasn’t happy. I would have been more tuned into my apparent domestic bliss. Today, I don’t feel courageous. I feel like a fool. Edie is courageous. She has been through real loss and heartache, and I admire her for her grace and dignity. At this very moment she’s my heroine. I am not courageous compared to her.
Amelia slammed the notebook shut. She wasn’t quite sure of the point of doing this. Some days, writing her thoughts down did help — even the process of actively writing helped her unpick her feelings and untangle thoughts that were on her mind. But today she was irritated about the prompt. She knew that meant it was worth persevering with, but she didn’t have the energy. Good and bad days were par for the course, and she thought she’d been doing quite well. She’d not called or texted Declan for almost two weeks — a record. His lack of communication actually helped as it made her realise things were definitely at an end. Even though his words and actions made that quite clear, Amelia had still been holding on to the slightest chance he might change his mind.
