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“Like the wedding?”
“Our wedding, your dream, Rose, whatever you want.”
There it is again, the thing that nags me. I don’t doubt his love. I’m grown enough, secure enough, to know he loves me, but I worry for him.
Because my Niko’s hiding something, even as he tells me the truth.
“You know, Rose,” he murmurs, distracting me, playing me, “I’m thinking I want to make you come all over again…”
Nikolai loses his boxers, and within minutes, I’m losing my mind.
Everything else, all the doubts and questions and the rest… they can wait until morning.
Chapter5
Nikolai
Rose is still sleeping. It’s early, very early, and she’s not exactly a morning person. She’s messy, chaotic, innocent, and maybe the devil. No, she’s a fallen angel, one made of light and determination, who should set most men quaking.
It turns me the fuck on, even as it frustrates the living hell out of me.
She’s right. Iamhiding something from her, and for the first fucking time in my life, a secret rubs me the wrong way. It shouldn’t. Secrets, holding things close, playing my games with strategy, they’re how I’m built.
It’s not even much of a fucking secret. The only thing I know is there’s danger, and someone wants something of Derek’s.
She knows that. I told her.
The secret is I think it could be big, could be someone who wants to bring me down through her. It could put her in danger, and I need to work out what the fuck to do.
That’s my secret, along with all the little rumors and components that are leading to something.
I sip my espresso, wishing like fuck I didn’t love her, didn’t care so much, about her and about holding things back.
I’m the wrong man for Rose, we both know that, but I love her enough to accept I’m what she wants, who she wants, and that for me to walk or push her away would hurt her badly. Yes, I’m a selfish prick, enough that I don’t want to do that for my own fucked up reasons I call love, but hurting her isn’t something I can do. At least, not unless it’s the lesser of all evils, not unless it saves her life.
Knowing Rose, she’ll rush in and put herself in more danger.
So how do I do this?
How the actual fuck do I deal with the cold, murderous bastard I am and love her how she should be loved? I’m not sure I can do that. I might fuck it up.
Rush is bad enough. He’s my only family, my only other weakness, but he’s also Wilder born, Wilder bred, no matter what his softer heart says. I trained him to take care of himself, and he’s part of the outfit, his legacy without the real danger that comes with my job.
When I claimed Rose publicly, I…Fuck.
She’s my vulnerability personified, and for the first time, there’s the fear I’ll get it wrong, that I’ll screw up.
That makes me worry these fucking unwanted feelings will throw me off my game. Not that I’d trade a second of Rose for a smooth life without her. I wouldn’t, couldn’t. I’m not that strong.
I’ve seen people, families, destroyed because of love, and while I don’t give a flying fuck about myself, when it comes to Rush, to Rose? Yeah. I have everything to lose.
I ease the door between the bedroom and sitting room of the suite shut and glance at the light streaming in from the window.
Our handprints are on the glass, and the chair…
Let’s just say it’s a good thing I’m part owner of this place. No questions will be asked.
The fact that Rose did that, thinking she was exposed to the world, makes my trousers uncomfortably tight. Erotic doesn’t even begin to describe it, and I know what would have made it better is an O ring, which I think I’ll get.
