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I don’t follow until it dawns on me that she knows about Xan and me.
“Clarkston Jackson Farmer. I wasn’t born yesterday, young man. The way Xander looks at you, was the way your father looked at me. I wasn’t in the kitchen the whole time because I had to see if it were true. But then how you hopped a plane to be here, which I know was partially for me, but also for him. There’s a way your eyes wander to catch his every movement. Those days in the cabin fortified a friendship with each other and dissolved this stupid rivalry of yours. I know you care for that boy, but more so, Liz saw it, hoping it was true. Love is the one thing she’s always wanted for her son.”
It’s not like that, and I’m about to protest but my mind wanders. For the second time today, could I love Xan? Do I think of him all the time? Do I want to be near him, spend nights together? I have never wanted this with another, not even Jen, yet I want it with Xan. I love him. I really do.
“If you try to deny it, you can lie to me but not to yourself. I love you and don’t care if you’re with a man, woman, or someone from Mars. If they make you smile as fucking goofy as you’re smiling right now, then I say don’t let it slip away.”
My ma, the prim and proper Martina Farmer, just swore, and simply not any word but the nasty one she’d make Dad sleep on the couch for if he ever uttered it in her presence.
“Now, I better get, but don’t you dare come home tonight. I’ll expect you tomorrow for supper, and sure as hell, you better bring that man of yours because he’s now my responsibility. I owe that much to Liz.”
I’m in awe of my mother, and Xander’s mom. There’s just something wonderful about moms. “I’ll be by in the morning. JJ is taking advantage of my presence.”
She laughs and then brings my chin down as she kisses my forehead. “I love you, don’t ever forget it.”
I turn around, and on the back porch sits Xan, simply staring at me. “Your mom, she’s a clever one, you know?”
“Don’t I!” I say as I take a look at him and his posture. He has a little bit of his resting arrogance back on his face. It’s one thing I always hated about him, but as my entire opinion has changed, it’s now something I find sexy. But when I saw him this morning, there was only the scared kid I caught glimpses of when he was younger and in his father’s presence. Now, a little of the old Xan is back.
“Did you hear it all?” I ask.
“Nah, just the last part when she called me your man, which I sort of like.”
I walk toward him as he does the same. “You do, do you?”
“Um, yeah, I really do.”
We stand as close to each other without touching, but I ache to feel his body wrapped around mine, but there’s more I have to say.
“Ma didn’t know about us. It wasyour motherwho gave her the heads-up. Liz saw something different in you after our time in the cabin.”
He steps back, at what I’ve revealed, and I watch his body relax, and his smile is so natural. “My mom knew?”
“Your mom told my ma, and Ma said it was obvious as she looked at the way we stared at one another today,” I explain. I extend my hand toward his face, shifting his attention to me.
“My mom, she was a smart one. No pulling the wool over her eyes.”
The memory of his mother brings a tear and a smile to his face. “It’s like my mom is still watching out for me.”
I understand the sentiment because I feel my dad with me often. “Micah got rid of everyone,” he explains. “It’s why I was looking for you.”
“It’s just you and me?” I ask.
“Yeah, but aren’t you going home with your mom?” he questions, extending his fingers to mine and pulling me toward him.
“Nah, she told me to stay here. You need me.”
His body slams into my own, his lips on my ear. “Fuck, I need you so much, more than I ever needed anyone.”
Pulling me behind him, he crosses the back door, directs me to a part of the house I wouldn’t know existed, and opens the door to a large rec room. I think it would take too long in this house to find his bedroom.
And it’s when I know without a shadow of a doubt I’m in love with Xander Lynol.
24
XANDER
He’s in my arms, and I’m in his. He was the first person I wanted with me when I’d been devastated by my new reality, but I couldn’t call him. He wasn’t mine to call, and after what he went through with his father, I couldn’t put him through the same pain again.
