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Xan tugs David into his body for one more hug and his ex gives me a small wave. “Take care of him, Clark.” And then he’s gone and where I thought I’d be jealous of the man, I’m not. Xan leaves the door open, as a guard hands him a brown paper bag, and before I know it, Xan is holding our food.
He turns around, a sheepish smile on his face. “You okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. But are you?”
He steps toward me. “Fuck, if I wasn’t so fucking starving right now, I would fuck you over this couch, because you’re that sexy.”
“And if I weren’t so fucking starving, Xan, I’d let you.”
He holds up the food. “Then we better eat so we can do just that.”
* * *
Xan staresup at me as he lies on my lap. My hands are massaging his head. He’s fighting sleep as we’ve talked for several hours, mostly about his mom but every once in a while, the subject turns and it’s just easy between us.
“One time when I was a boy, I begged my mom to give me a baby brother or sister. I wanted a sibling so much; someone I’d have after they left this earth. It’s funny, even at seven, I understood I’d be alone one day. And yet, if my mother went first I hoped my father wouldn’t outlive her long.” He pauses with that statement. “Then I wished that I’d have someone to stand up to my father, maybe if he had two children, he’d believe us when we pointed out his asshole ways.”
I let him speak and get it all out. He knows how to mourn his mother, for he loved her deeply, but it’s his father’s death that is plaguing him.
“How do I cry for a man that hated me every day of my life? And yet, I’m alone in this world now.”
I move my finger to his chin and direct his line of sight to me. “You aren’t alone, baby. You’re not.”
He doesn’t say anything but takes my hand in his. “You weren’t jealous of David.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“Honestly, I thought I would be. I pulled back the door, and your ex is rather handsome. For one second I worried you would realize the past you shared was worth more than us. But then your smile, and how you called me baby in front of him, I had to admit, it made me realize we’re something special.”
He pulls himself forward, taking my body with his. “I want to take you to bed, to my room. And make love to you, like I’ve wanted to for some time.” He moves my hair out of my face, cupping my cheeks with his large hands.
“Do you know how I know you’re different from anyone else?” I wait for his answer.
“I never looked at anyone like I have with you.” His eyes water with lust, and he pulls me flush with his chest. “Because I’ve never loved anyone like you, Clarkston Farmer.”
I want to tell him the same thing and push his body back down to the couch but he intertwines his fingers with mine and leads me upstairs, and I know after tonight we’ll never be the same.
* * *
“I’m makinglove to you, Xan.” It’s my declaration as I gently lay him on the bed and disrobe him. And I have to hold back my own arousal because this is all for him. I sit next to him on the bed, I take my fingers as I stroke his loose strands. “You’re beautiful. You make my heart soar when I’m with you. With you in my life, I can conquer the world.”
His eyes are magnetic and pull me further into him, and I roam my hand up and down his hard body. But I can’t hold back and I begin to kiss him slowly, and he moans into it. When we’re gentle, I see a whole other side of Xander. And when he kisses me back, a heady sensation passes through me.
“This is all about you, and how I can gently take your body and give you all you need.” His vulnerability shines through when he begins to tremble and I clamp down on his chin. “I’m here, Xan. It’s me. Nothing has changed, except I love you but truth be told, I’ve loved you for some time.” I begin to stroke his cheek, looking into the baby blues of his eyes. “Your eyes tell me so much about you. I can tell when you’re sad. They’re dull and without a shine to them. When you’re playful, there’s an eagerness to them, similar to when you’re turned on, but then a fire accompanies them. And they say everything when you look at me.”
“Do they say I love you?” he asks.
There’s a trace of lust in my voice as I answer. “They say that you want me, that you need me, that you don’t want to be without me. With me, you can face the shit show of life. But most of all, Xan,they scream that you love me.”
I crawl up his body, and I can’t help but stare at the man I know one day I’ll grow old with. “I’m going to make love to you now, my sweet Xander.”
I pull for the lube that is next to his head and soak my cock with it. “I need you slow. I need to watch every emotion in your face. I have to tell you as I push inside of you, how I feel, how you feel, and what you do to me. I need to memorize your smile, your laugh, the way you moan when you come only to repeat it with each thrust inside of you.”
“Yeah, to all of that, Clark. Make love to me. I want your tenderness surrounding me. You exude love every time you look upon me. And I want nothing more than you.”
I enter him slowly, so slowly and I watch his desire build every time I push further into him.
“You are my morning, my beginning, my first thought, my last thought, and everything in between. You’re the rain that sings me to sleep and you’re the sun that calls me to wake. You’re the wish I’ve always wanted and you’re the unknown I never thought I’d find.”
My thrusts are controlled as I continue my affirmations to the man I love. “You’re every prolonged moment I dream of, and you’re the moonlight in a dark night. You’re bright to my stormy, and I have realized I can never live without you.”
