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“Mila, for fuck’s sake, you need to tell him how you feel. You’re trying to protect yourself, but you’ve been silently suffering for months now, and nothing changes. Even if he rejects you, at least you’ll have some resolution.”
She might be right. Living by evasion is the worst possible way to function. But I’m not strong enough to accept that he doesn’t feel anything for me. Though hoping we might reconcile didn’t do me much good. It’s been close to four months. I need to kill the hope.
Ron and Aidan join us, and we make our way toward the house. Like a nightmarish déjà vu, Gio’s car is parked at the curb.
“Shit,” I whisper.
Annie’s eyes dart between the car and me. “What is he doing here?”
“I told him I had a headache and would stay home instead of going to his parents.”
Gio gets out of the car and narrows his eyes when he sees us. Annie greets him and scurries away with the family. The traitor.
I fidget in front of him, wringing my hands as if he just caught me doing something wrong. My cowardice pisses me off. Just because our arrangement is… well, just that, an arrangement, I still have my freedom. My mind has it at least, because my poor heart doesn’t belong to me anymore.
“I came to check on you. You said you have a headache. You never get headaches.” His words suggest concern, but his eyes glare at me.
“I don’t have a headache. I wanted to avoid you and your family.” My voice wavers a bit, but speaking the truth liberates me.
I return his glare with confidence. He seems genuinely surprised by my rebelling.
He adjusts his cuffs. “You’re obliged to attend as per our contract.”
“Then fucking fine me.” I spit out the words and fold my arms over my chest. I want to stomp my foot, but I’m aware my acting out is enough already.
He blinks a few times and fiddles with his cufflinks. “Is this about my brother’s behavior the other night? He’s not at my mother’s today, and I can assure you he won’t pull such a stunt again.”
My nostrils flare as I try to compose myself. Is he for real? We haven’t spoken openly in the longest time, so when we speak now this is the result. We jump to conclusions instead of listening.
“It’s not about your brother. It’s about you,” I cry, and several pedestrians look our way.
Gio emits a deep sigh and opens the door. “Get in the car.”
Not this again. The last time he issued that order, we ended up in this hateful vacuum, unable to move in any direction.
“No. I’m not going anywhere with you.” I raise my chin, grasping at the remains of my dignity.
“What the fuck do you want from me, Mila?” He throws up his arms, exasperated.
We may as well get into it right now. I huff and get into the car. Gio follows, instructs the driver to take us to the Bronx, and raises the partition to give us privacy. He turns to me, his jaw tight. “What do you want, Mila?”
My chest heaves. I can’t tell him how I feel. I can’t go back to hustling without the light at the end of the tunnel, struggling and seeing Annie and Aidan suffer. I can’t risk their future. Or mine, for that matter.
“I want your respect,” I whisper, and look down. My limbs are heavy with the spoken admission, even though it’s just a small part of the truth. I’m not ready to bare my heart. He has too much power in this relationship already.
“Well, Princess, respect is earned.”
With one sentence, he again throws me into a whirlwind of emotions.Princess.Oh, how my heart swells with that name. But then a slap, a vicious jab into my chest, reminding me I made a mistake. If he’s not ready to forgive, I’m done.
I’d rather drop everything and lick my wounds until I forget him. But what about Annie? I let the tears roll down my cheek, staring out of the window, making sure he doesn’t see my meltdown.
He doesn’t because he’s on his phone.
That’s it. I’m breaking off this engagement, right after we leave the dreaded lunch with Bianca and his family.
* * *
“Where is Andrea?” Bianca spreads a linen napkin on her lap.
