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“For about three seconds and then I felt like a total jerk. I kept thinking of all the terrible things that could have happened. She could have been gravely injured. I was lucky it wasn’t far worse.”
“Wow. I can’t believe you did something like that.”
“We all have our moments, Tori, where we say or do something we regret later. Maybe it feels or sounds right at that moment because we’re upset or hurt. But we realize in the end that it was a mistake.”
Tori seemed to realize what her mother was getting at then. “I didn’t do it, Mom. I didn’t push Brendal or tell Sarah to do it. I don’t know why she said I did. It’s not true.” She shook her head. “I didn’t do it.”
“I never believed you did,” Kerri assured her. “I just wanted you to understand that we all make mistakes. If the idea was discussed prior to what happened—”
“It wasn’t,” she cried. “I swear. We never talked about hurting Brendal. Never. We did talk about how we hoped everyone saw her for what she was one day, but we never—at least I know I didn’t—took any sort of step to make that happen.”
“Let’s talk about Sarah,” Kerri offered. “Have you noticed any issues with her recently. Depression? Anxiety? Anything going on with her parents?”
“No way. She was hurt by the things Brendal was saying and doing, but she knew it would pass eventually. Brendal never stayed focused on one person too long. Sarah and I knew she would move on eventually.”
“What about Alice? How was she in all this?”
Tori took a big breath. “She’s the one who kept saying Brendal needed to understand she couldn’t treat people so badly. She didn’t like her at all. Honestly, I think she was jealous of her.”
“She never suggested any recourse one or all of you should take?”
“No. She just kept bringing Brendal up. Rubbing it in, sort of. I didn’t consider that was what she was doing at first, but looking back, I can see how she wanted to keep the drama going.”
Kerri thought of all that Jen had seen in the Cortez home. “Did Alice talk much about the masks and the drawings she likes so much? The ones at her house, I mean.”
“They’re part of her beliefs.” Tori shrugged. “Like her religion. She thinks they give her magical powers because she’s a princess.”
“Did she ever try and prove this theory to you?”
Tori bit her lip as if she wasn’t sure she should tell this part.
“Don’t hold back,” Kerri urged. “It’s the only way I can help.”
“The last time Sarah and I spent the night at the same time, Alice talked about how if we were her real friends that we could become like her—a part of her. She said we’d be the most popular girls in school if we stuck with her. She told us this over and over. Kept reminding us of how amazing we’d be.”
“Was she attempting some sort of brainwashing?” This was sounding more and more like exactly that sort of pressure tactic.
Tori shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Kerri reached out and squeezed her hand. “Whatever she was attempting to do, I don’t believe you or Sarah did anything bad. We are going to get to the bottom of what did happen.”
Tori nodded.
Kerri’s chest tightened as she thought of what she needed to ask her daughter next. But she couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened. As soon as Kerri had arrived at her sister’s house, Diana had pulled her aside and told her what the boys had found on the computer in their room.
“Tori, have you been feeling like maybe you want to die too? I mean, as in take your own life?”
Tori’s gaze shot to her mother’s and just as quickly shifted away. “Why would you ask such a lame question? I already told you I didn’t mean what I said after I found out Brendal had died. I was just upset.”
“Diana noticed someone had been searching suicide on the upstairs computer. If it wasn’t you, it was one of the boys. She needs to know if one of them is having trouble.”
Kerri held her breath.
“It was me.”
Kerri’s heart sank. “I hope you would never feel as if that were the only answer. You have people who love you and who would do anything for you. Suicide is not an option.”
“I know. I was just feeling sorry for myself and I ...” She fell silent for a moment. “No, that’s not right. Yes, I was feeling bad, but it was Alice who told me I should probably take myself out of the narrative. It made me wonder how people—people like Sarah—could feel bad enough to actually do it.”
