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“Ah, so that’s why you took forever to come and get lunch, you wereeatingelsewhere,” York says with a grin, his smile falling when Dax leans over and flicks his ear.
“I know you’ve been off your game lately because you’ve had the flu, but can you reel in the jokes for one minute and let Kid speak? This is important.”
“Sorry, Titch,” York says, giving me a sheepish smile. “You know me, banter is my way of dealing with heavy shit.”
“I know, and I love you for it,” I say, reaching over and giving him a kiss on the cheek before continuing.
“Love you back,” York whispers, shifting his head so he can capture another kiss on my lips before letting me curl back into Dax’s side.
“As I was saying, I think we’realla bit stressed, and before either of you try to deny it,” I say, pointing first at Zayn. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how tired you are because of your insomnia.”
“I swear it’s just a blip,” he says, but I know when he’s lying and he’s lying now.
Zayn always holds eye contact, until he’s lying, that is, and then he looks everywhere else bar me. But I let that go as I turn my attention to York.
“And you got as sick as you did because you’re rundown trying to juggle training new staff and overseeing the rebuild of Chastity Nightclub with Zayn.”
York doesn’t bother to deny it because he knows it’s true.
“What about you, Pen?” Zayn asks, focusing his attention on me now. “You said we’re all stressed. So are you?”
I don’t avoid the question. I face it head on. “Not stressed per say, just a little overwhelmed. Maybe feeling a little more tired than usual, I guess.”
“Fuck,” Dax mutters, hauling me closer to his side and dropping a kiss to my head.
“My sentiment exactly,” York adds, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We’ve not been paying attention. That’s on us. What can we do to help?”
“This is what I wanted to talk to you all about,” I say, glancing over at Xeno who gives me an encouraging smile. After our brief discussion earlier he already knows what I’m thinking. “I miss us.”
Zayn frowns. “Us? You have us. Forever and always, remember?”
“What I mean to say is that I miss the ‘us’when we were kids. The ‘us’ that brought us together, and I think… No, Iknowthat not dancing together as a crew is having this awful affect on us all. In different ways maybe, but the outcome is still the same. I miss it. I miss dancing with you all,” I admit.
The room falls silent whilst they digest what I’ve just said. Xeno is the first to speak.
“Earlier Tiny pointed out something fundamental to me. She said that before we had each other, we had dance. That was our coping mechanism, our escape, a way to express all the shit we’d buried inside,” he says, looking between us all. “It kept us all on an even keel, then when we found each other, and we formed our crew, dancing became our joy, our way to communicate with each other without even needing to speak. It gave us true happiness, and I’m not saying we’re not happy, weare. Fuck, you’re my family. This life iseverythingI wanted, more than I’d hoped for…” Xeno’s voice trails off and he clears his throat before continuing. “The thing is we’ve pushed aside that one crucial piece of our relationship because we’ve been so busy striving to build our lives together that we’ve forgotten what truly matters. It’s not the money, or the success of our businesses, it’sus. Dance is a vital part ofusjust as much as our friendship, and our love for each other is, and I for one want it back.”
“I miss it too,” Dax admits, glancing over at Xeno who gives him a warm smile, a look passing between them. My heart swells with love for these men, for how they understand without words needing to be spoken what the other is thinking. With his fingers trailing up and down my arm, Dax continues. “I didn’t realise how much I missed dancing until Kid and I battled last night,” he says, reaching around and pressing his palm against the middle of my chest. “And if I’m truly honest, I’ve avoided dancing because of my injury. I can’t do all the things I used to be able to do before. I can’t lift you Kid, the way I used too, and that’s fucking hard to deal with.”
“Oh Dax,” I cry, a lump in my throat forming. “Dancing with you is so much more than just a couple of lifts. You know that, right?”
“The sensible part of me knows that, but try telling the rest of me that. It makes me feel…” his voice trails off as he chews on his lip.
“Just say it, mate. We ain’t gonna judge,” York says, not a hint of a smile or a joke anywhere near his lips. For all his banter, he knows when it’s important to just listen, to be supportive, and I love him for it. I love them all for sitting here and listening, talking,lovingeach other like real men should.
Dax turns his body towards mine, his arm slipping out from behind me as he reaches for my face, cupping my cheek. “Like I can’t take care of you.”
“But you can. You have. Youdo, Dax.”
“What if someone came for you again? What then, Kid?”
“You’ll protect me, just like you did that day, and we’ll do the same for you because this isn’t a one way street,” I reply vehemently, curling my fingers around his hand and pressing a warm kiss against his palm. “I’ve seen how hard you’ve fought through your recovery, how you’ve adjusted to this new version of yourself despite how traumatic it’s been. There’s no doubt in my mind that not only will you dance as well as you always have, you’ll kill any man who tries to hurt me, or any of us. That is who you are. You’re our protector, you’remyavenging dark angel–”
“Remember, you’re the Daddy,” York adds, a smile bleeding across his face and into his voice.
Dax chuckles and Zayn grins.
“Okay, okay, he’s the fucking Daddy,” Xeno concedes, seeing the funny side.
