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"Of course you will," Pen cries, throwing herself into my arms and kissing me. "You'll make an amazing dad to our baby girl. Youallwill. "
"Girl?" Xeno questions, tipping his head to the side.
"Just call it a hunch," Pen replies, smiling softly. A smile that soon turns into a yawn.
"Maybe you should get to bed?" I suggest. "It's been a long day."
"I think I'd like a bath first, if that's okay? Then I wouldn’t mind a good eight hours of sleep."
"Of course it's okay. Come on, I'll run it for you," I say.
Pen hugs each of the guys in turn, then we head out of the kitchen. Less than five minutes later the bath is filled with warm water and Pen's favourite rose bath oil. I dip my hand into the water, checking the temperature one last time before calling out to Pen.
"It's ready," I say.
“Thank you for this,” Pen says, stepping naked into the bathroom, her hair piled up on her head in a messy bun. Maybe it's all in my mind, but I think I see that glow Cynthia was talking about. It's behind her eyes, in the flush of her cheeks, the warmth of her smile. It's in the rise and fall of her chest, and the pink blush of her lips.
“Anything for you,” I reply, taking her hand as she steps into the bath.
"This feels amazing," she sighs, lowering herself into the water.
Taking a seat on the chair next to the tub, we sit in peaceful silence as Pen hums to herself, rubbing body wash into her skin. When she’s satisfied that she’s clean, Pen lays back against the porcelain tub and closes her eyes with a soft, contented sigh. She doesn’t ask me to leave, and I remain seated next to her enjoying her proximity without the need to fill the silence.
For the most part, our relationship has been built on deep conversations where we spend hours talking about both the big and the little things. Tonight, however, we are both content to sit in each other’s company without the need to speak. There’s a freedom in that silence, a deep understanding of each other. It suits me just fine because it allows me a moment to gather my thoughts.
Dipping my hand into the water, I study the contours and curves of the woman I love. Her face is free from make-up, her dark lashes feathering against the tops of her cheeks as she rests. Her skin is clear and her cheeks rosy, matching the colour of her lips. As my gaze slowly drops, I watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest as the water laps at her breasts. They seem a little fuller somehow, and as my gaze roams I can't help but notice the slight roundness of her belly. Not a bump per se, because it's too early for that, but a thickening I guess.
"Hello, little nugget, I'm one of your daddies," I whisper, kissing my hand and leaning forward so that I can press it to her tummy, imagining the tiny life growing inside her womb, safe and warm.
Pen's eyes flicker open as she looks up at me. Smiling softly, she says, "I know we’ve talked about this before but I just want to reiterate that as far as I'm concerned you're all her father no matter whose DNA runs in her veins."
"I agree," I reply, bending over Pen and dropping a kiss to her lips. "We've always said that if you were ever to fall pregnant that none of us would want a paternity test. The only reason we would request one is if it were needed for a medical emergency, but other than that we all know from experience that blood doesn't make you a dad, love does."
“That’s beautiful.”
“Only because it’s true,” I murmur, lowering my lips to hers in a gentle kiss.
She kisses me back, her mouth parting as she tenderly strokes her tongue against mine, and as much as I want to fall into this kiss, to haul her into my arms, take her to bed and make love to her, I have to physically force myself not to. Right now what she needs most of all is sleep, and that’s what she’ll get.
“Can I ask you to do something for me, Zayn?” Pen asks when I reluctantly pull back, removing my hand from her stomach.
“Anything.”
“I don’t want to be treated with kid gloves. Today, I saw this fierce protectiveness in all of you, and I understand why you feel that way, but it’ll drive me crazy if I’m treated like I’m breakable. I’m not. I’m pregnant. If this body has the strength to grow a baby, to carry a life, it’s strong enough to do all the things it did before falling pregnant, and I need to be able to do that.”
“I think York and Dax can be talked around,” I say, understanding where she’s coming from. “But Xeno…?” I wince.
“Will have you to guide him,” she finishes, rising out of the water. Taking my proffered hand, she steps onto the bath mat, and allows me to wrap a towel around her shoulders. “Tonight I’m going to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow we go back to rehearsing. We have a performance in a week’s time and I refuse to cancel. No arguments, okay?”
“You’re the boss,” I say, pressing a kiss against her head.
“Damn straight,” she replies, a joyful smile spreading across her face. “And when this baby comes, I’ll be amum.”
SIXTEEN
Say You Won’t Let Go
PEN
