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You Belong
Later that eveningafter the contestants have left, we’re gathered in the club, toasting a successful event with our closest friends. Surrounded by family, I take a second to look around the room, to absorb this moment and imprint it in my memory.
Sitting by my side are my soulmates, Xeno, Dax, York and Zayn. The loves of my life, the reason for everything I do. Together they’ve made me the happiest woman alive. Without them I wouldn’t be where I am today, whole, happy, complete.
Opposite us sits my little sister Lena and her boyfriend Gray. Happy, content, utterly in love. I can rest easy now knowing she has a love like mine, that she has someone of her own, to grow old with, to love for the rest of her days.
Beside them are Grim and Beast. Two of the most brutal, savage andkindestpeople I know. Their friendship has given the five of us a family we never had. They helped us to put an end to a lifetime of abuse from my older brother, and without them, I doubt any of us would be alive to tell the tale. I’m so damn grateful to both of them. They’re deep in conversation with Malakai and Connie, people I don’t know as well as the others at this table, but welcomed into our extended family nevertheless. Malakai was instrumental at helping Asia and her men when they needed it, and because of that, and their love for Grim and Beast, they will always have a place at our table.
A familiar laugh draws my attention away, and my gaze falls to Clancy, River and Lola, three of my closest friends. Their energy, love and devotion to each other is a reminder that love isn’t restricted to just a man and a woman, that it can be shared and nurtured inanyway. Next to them are Rose, Ivan, Anton and Erik, two of them dancers, one a classical musician and the other an artist. Despite only meeting them for the first time properly tonight, I already know they’ll become firm friends.
Feeling someone staring, my gaze catches Asia’s, a woman who has lived through and survived her own trauma. Our background, and her love story with her own men is a similar one to ours, and I feel a deep connection to them because of it.
“You okay?” she mouths, understanding flickering in her gaze as we both soak up the loving atmosphere, one neither of us experienced as children growing up in homes filled with addiction and abuse.
I nod giving her a smile as I relax into York’s side. He wraps his arm around me and chats with Hudson Freed, a man who, alongside his brothers, Max and Bryce, and their wife Louisa, welcomed us into their home, giving us a safe place to stay when we needed it the most.
Huddled together at the end of the table are Christy and Cynthia, two women brought together in unusual circumstances. Surrounded by their men, The Masks and the Deana-dhe, their love for each other and those brutal, mysterious men is something to behold. I admire them all for their devotion to each other, for their ability to put aside past differences and to forgive when so many other people would only continue the cycle of hate. Their friendship is a lesson to all of us.
Shifting in my seat, I pick up my glass of non-alcoholic champagne, and stand. All eyes turn to me as I say, “I want to make a toast.” Silence descends and I let out a tiny laugh, overcome with emotion as I clear my throat. “I honestly don’t know where to start…”
“We’re all ears, sweetheart,” Beast says, winking up at me, whilst York takes my hand and squeezes it in support. I grin, then take a deep soothing breath before I begin.
“When I was a kid the only true joy I felt was when I danced. It enabled me to express my emotions I’d buried deep,deepdown inside of me. It gave me an outlet for my frustration, my anger, my fear. It gave me hope when everything felt so utterly hopeless.”
“Oh, Pen,” Lena whispers, her eyes welling with tears.
“That’s not to say you didn’t give me joy, Lena. I love you more than anything,” I add. She blinks at me through her tears, nodding in understanding.
My gaze drifts to the stage where Iris, Faith, Sebastian and George are playing together. Their budding friendship, fuelling the words and love I so desperately want to share. “Then I met the Breakers.” I smile, looking between my men in turn. “We built a friendship on our shared love for dance. With every step and every routine, we grew closer and closer. I will never, ever forget that night you all welcomed a broken and scared girl into your lives. I love you more than I can ever express.”
“We love you,” they say in unison.
Blinking back the tears, I continue, “Circumstance tore us apart, and honestly those three years without you all in my life were the hardest I’ve ever had to endure. But in the end, we found each other again through dance. We healed past hurts, and fell more deeply in love. You are my forever and always.”
“Damn girl, way to make us all fucking cry,” Clancy says, weeping.
“These past five years since rekindling our love, we’ve built a life together, businesses, a family. We’ve found friends that love us, who are loyal and kind, and so very, very appreciated,” I say, looking at each of the groups in turn. “That abused and broken girl I once was never believed that this kind of happiness, this kind oflovecould exist. I only ever knew pain, abandonment, loss and fear. I longed for more than that. I was a kid in the gutter who dreamed of reaching the stars.” My voice cracks, and I take a fortifying sip of my drink, my smile wavering as tears blur my eyes. “Yet, here I am surrounded by the best people I know. So I want to raise a toast, to you my dear friends, and to the loves of my life, for showing me that good does exist in the world, that love is so much stronger than hate.”
“Here, here,” Hudson agrees, raising his glass, alongside the rest of my friends who I now call family.
“To friendship, and love,” I add.
“To friendship and love,” everyone repeats.
“And lastly,” I say, placing my drink on the table and resting my hand over my belly, stroking my fingers over the life growing inside of me. “That kid I once was dreamed of dancing amongst the stars, and despite all that she’d been through she knew deep down inside that things would one day get better. She hadhopefor her future.”
“Pen, are you…” Grim’s voice trails off as I meet her gaze and grin.
"Now, standing here, I understand that what I truly wanted wasn't fame, or a life dancing on stage. It was all of you.Youare my stars, you are the bold, bright, effervescent light within the darkness. And now as we prepare to bring a new life into this world,” I say, beaming at each of my men in turn, “I know that she will grow wrapped up in the same love, supported by you all, our friends and family. She will be treasured for all that she is, and she will know what it means to be truly loved, wholeheartedly and completely. So here's to the stars, and to the futures we create for ourselves and for our children. May they be bright, and full of love, just like this moment right here. Cheers to us. Cheers to Star, our little girl…”
TWENTY-TWO
The Way I Love You
PEN
Seven and a half months later.
