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But I deal with the practicalities: the cage that man will spend the rest of his life in, the house, the doctor, and my SEAL friend. I should leave matters of the heart to others better equipped to deal with them.
I can’t be near her without letting it all out. I’ll turn primal again if I see her look at me with eyes wide and terrified like she wants to run. Maybe she’ll be relieved.
My thoughts snap to a stop when I see the three dots appear. An animal whines through the night, maybe a bird. It’s hard to tell. It’s far away. We’re alone out here, me and Jackal. He cocks his head, listens, and lays his chin on his paws.
The dots appear again. Vanish. Appear. They disappear entirely, and then I do what I do best. I wait. Just like I waited for my father to walk in at night, I knew what would happen and what I’d hear. I close my eyes and breathe heavily. My phone vibrates.
Did you arrange for the police to take a suspiciously long coffee break and leave me in the room alone so that you’d have time to make arrangements and get away? Is that why you wanted to keep everything surface level?
I swallow, almost wanting to tell her a lie or leave it there. If I have to explain what I’m doing to her, I’ll have to explain it to myself. Even Jackal has been watching me as though I am crazy, but I can’t just leave her hanging.
Yes.
So you’re not giving me the silent treatment?
I massage my forehead, suddenly wishing she was in my arms and hating myself. I don’t know what I’m doing, Katy.
It looks like you’re running away, she replies.
Maybe I am, I type, but not from you. Not in the way you think.
What does that mean?
I grit my teeth, close my eyes, and open them. I’m a mess, almost on the edge again. I haven’t told you how superstitious I am.
I should stop. This is going to make her wary of me. This will make her wonder if this is why I need control, to tie my woman up, because I can’t chain my thoughts.
Tell me, Sam.
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Jackal yawns and walks over, lying at my feet. My father kept dogs. The pimp kept dogs, I should say. I didn’t know he was my dad then. He didn’t treat them well, but I did my best. I spent more time with them than with people. I learned that dogs have extraordinary power, Katy. They know things. They can sense people.
I stop, my finger poised over the delete button.
You better not be deleting anything, Mr. SEAL, she types.
The nickname is so unexpected that I smirk and laugh. For a second, I can forget what an ass I’m being by leaving her. Despite everything, I should be at her side, smiling if we can and holding each other tightly.
I keep going.
Every day for a year, I asked my dog if I should stop the pimp and if I should save my mom. Every day, when the pimp came into the house, my dog whined and ran away. But that night, the second he was through the door, the dog rushed him. No explanation. My dad didn’t have any food on him. The dog had never done that before. I could never explain it. Then my mom yelled from the next room, and he called her something vicious. I knew what he was going to do to her.
I clear my throat and try to push away this agony twisting through me.
It’s okay, Sam. You did the right thing.
Then I saw Jackal go to you, Katy. That was when I was certain—more than certain. I KNEW before the first moment I saw you in that photo. Your smile and your excited eyes and that beautiful toughness you’ve got. I knew I had to have you. I knew I had to have a family with you. I needed to own you. To control and protect you. I knew you belonged to me, but when Jackal showed me…
I’m crying, she replies. I wish you were here.
I shouldn’t have run, I type, but does that mean you want all that?
I’m shuddering. Jackal has sat up, staring at me as if to say, “Never should’ve run, dumbass.”
I wanted it the first time I saw you! I want to have your babies. When you called me yours today, that’s all I could think about. THAT. Not Dad’s killer. Not the fight. Not the fear. Not Eli. Not the pain. Just that. Just us.
Don’t you think I’m crazy? A dog told me to kill my dad, and I did. All my life, I’ve listened to dogs. I’ve let their signals guide me. I joined the SEALs because a dog I was walking at the time dragged me into the Navy’s recruitment office. My whole life, I’ve decided on a whim.
