Page 104 of Before I'm Gone


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“How’d they find out?” she asked as she wiped at her tears.

“I’m going to guess that Greg’s video is more viral than we thought.”

Kent played a few more videos for her, each one bringing more tears, and he liked and commented on a bunch of photos. He was starting to put his phone away when Palmer stopped him.

“I want to go live.”

“You do?”

She looked around at everyone and nodded. “I feel like this is the right time and place.”

Kent reopened the app and pressed the button to go live. Normally, they waited for a few minutes for people to join, but the room was active instantly.

“Holy crap, Uncle Kent. You guys are famous,” Julia said as she waved to the camera. Kent laughed and positioned himself with Palmer in the video.

“Just Palmer and Kent here. We’re currently outside—”

“Literally,” Raúl interjected.

“Yes, literally.” Kent laughed. “Outside of Albuquerque at the best little roadside taco stand in the world.”

“That’s the truth,” Raúl yelled.

“Palmer and I are very humbled by all the love we’re getting, and we promise to post more often. I know it’s been a week or so since we did a live, but we’ll be better, especially when we get to our next destination.” Kent glanced at Palmer and grinned. “Is there something you want to say?”

She nodded and wrapped her arm around his and leaned into him. “It’s taken me a while to adjust to this social media thing, and I know if you saw Greg’s video—hi, Greg!” Palmer waved. “Then you know he told everyone about the bucket list and how I’m dying. Only a very few people in my life know the truth, with this guy right here being one of them.” Palmer briefly pressed her lips to Kent’s shoulder. “I’m currently at the end stages of my life with a grade-four glioblastoma. A little over two months ago the doctors gave me six months to live if I were to start treatment. I chose to live, knowing I could die at any time.” Palmer swallowed hard. Next to her, Raúl’s abuelita reached for Palmer’s hand. “Kent, my knight in shining armor, saw the list of places I wanted to visit and devised a plan, and here we are.”

“I’m very proud of you,” Kent said as he kissed her forehead for all the world to see. “You’re incredibly brave. Do you want to answer some of their questions?”

Palmer nodded.

“Here, we’ll ask,” Raúl said as he took the phone from Kent. “Julia is in your live. She’ll read them to you, and I’ll video.”

Kent sat back with Palmer and waited for Julia to ask the questions.

“What was your favorite stop?”

“That’s easy,” Palmer said. “Definitely here.” Everyone around them cheered.

“Why did you forgo treatment?”

“I’ll answer this one,” Kent said. “Palmer’s reasons are hers and hers alone. We respect them.”

“Wait, I thought you guys were married.”

“They should be,” Raúl said after Julia had read the question.

Kent and Palmer stared at each other. He was out of her league, but oh how she wished their lives were different.

Julia moved on to the next question. “Where is your next stop?”

“We’ll let you know after we get there,” Kent said, but he never took his eyes off Palmer. His intense gaze electrified her. She was almost afraid to look away but finally did so.

They answered a few more questions before signing off, and Palmer declared she was tired. Kent bid everyone a good night and walked her back to the house. Inside their bedroom for the night, she told Kent he could go back to the bonfire, that she’d be okay. She really wanted a moment—a moment where she could imagine what it would be like to be loved by him in ways he had loved another. Palmer wanted to dream about Kent—dream about him being hers and only hers. She wanted to imagine what it was like to touch him and for him to touch her. She wanted to go back to the day she’d met him and ask him to go to drinks after work, but she had not been brave then, not like tonight. Back then, she had something to lose, and now she had nothing.

Kent left the room so Palmer could change. She sat on the edge of the bed and cried into the pillow. She had wasted the only years of her life that were actually hers and not governed by a state agency. She was thirty-seven and had nothing to show for it. No husband. No children. She had accomplished nothing.

Kent returned and dropped to his knees as soon as he saw her. He held her, without saying a word, and allowed her to cry. He didn’t promise her everything would be okay or ask her what was wrong. Kent soothed her and encouraged her to let it all out. She knew he understood her because she’d let him in.

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