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But where could this go? They were living in different cities. They both had things from their pasts that they needed to sort through. After all, Erin still felt anger at what Billy had done and she knew that Leo was still hurting after losing his partner. Could there be a way ahead for them or had it just been a very pleasant kiss?
Leo looked up and met her gaze and his smile warmed her right through. It was, she thought, time to stop worrying and overthinking. She was here for Christmas and so was Leo. They might only have the next week or so and it was highly possible that after that time, they’d both return to their lives and carry on as before. But for now, for Christmas, she could enjoy herself and so could he. Not everything in life needed to lead somewhere. It was quite all right sometimes to live in the moment and to enjoy what was happening right then and there.
She raised her glass and cleared her throat then said, ‘I’d like to take this opportunity to wish Paul and Angelina the very best for the future. I’m so excited I’m going to be an aunt. Congratulations, you two!’
Angelina smiled but her eyes glistened and Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders and raised his glass. ‘Thanks, Erin, that means a lot. It really does.’
Angelina nodded. ‘Thank you. I’m so happy I could burst.’
‘Here’s to you and to a magical Christmas for us all.’ Erin clinked her glass against Leo’s then took a sip of champagne.
‘Here’s to us all,’ Leo said, holding her gaze, and she knew that his eyes were saying far more than his words ever could.
Chapter20
Erin
Two days later, they were all heading into London to do some Christmas shopping and to soak up the atmosphere. They got the train from the village station and Erin settled back to watch as the scenery flew past. Zara was sitting next to her playing on her phone and opposite her, Paul and Angelina were looking at possible wedding venues on his smartphone. It seemed you had to book a venue well in advance, but that was OK with them as they’d decided to get married after the baby came so he or she could be present at the ceremony, which Erin thought was sweet. She also suspected that Angelina wouldn’t want to be pregnant at her wedding as she was already gushing about the perfect wedding dress she’d always dreamt of wearing.
The train jogged Erin gently and she allowed herself to relax as she thought about the past few days. There had been no more kisses with Leo but then they’d barely had a minute alone and neither of them wanted to make what had happened between them common knowledge, so they’d shared sweet smiles and texted each other goodnight emojis but that was as far as it had gone. Erin thought that it might have been a one off, and she was fine with that. Well… she wanted to be fine with that, but she couldn’t help hoping that they might kiss again or at least talk about it and what it had meant to him. And yet, she wasn’t really sure what it had meant to her. What were her feelings for Leo? Was he just a crush she’d nursed for years that would fizzle out now that she’d kissed him or were her feelings for him deeper and more complex?
Right now, he was talking to her dad on the opposite side of the aisle. She wasn’t sure what they were discussing but thought it probably had something to do with politics. Her dad was quite animated and Leo was nodding slowly as he listened. That was the thing with Leo, when he spoke to you, he also listened.Reallylistened. It made her aware of how little Billy had actually paid attention. All those times when she’d tried to speak to him about things and he’d been on his phone, distracted by a game or an app or something he was reading. Now she thought about it, he’d probably been reading text messages fromher. His other woman.
Bloody cheating, lying, dishonest Billy!
She snorted. Why she was finding this funny now, she wasn’t sure, but it was like some of the power Billy had held over her had dissipated and she could laugh at how ridiculous he’d been. He had been such a stickler for some things and she’d gone along with them because she’d loved him and wanted him to be happy. Thinking about it now, she’d compromised a lot to be the version of herself that he’d wanted her to be. She’d kept quiet in the mornings because he didn’t like her chatting or singing before he’d had his second coffee. After coffee, he’d usually rush off to the gym, leaving her to fill her morning alone. And that was on their days off when she’d hoped to spend time with him and to go and do something like other couples did. She’d often felt lonely with being away from her home in the UK and because Billy had discouraged her from making friends in Dubai, telling her he liked having her all to himself. The reality had been that he liked knowing she was home while he went out and not cared about it being lonely for her. However, she’d never been one to moan and so she’d filled her time with the things she could like reading and watching TV, with planning for school and creating beautiful resources for the pupils she taught, with making video calls to her parents and siblings and sometimes, online shopping. There had been good times with Billy, of course there had or she’d never have stayed with him. Like in the early days of their relationship he had been caring and attentive, had made her feel treasured and adored, that he was genuinely interested in her. Was it possible then that he’d found himself trapped, that his feelings for her had changed and he’d wanted out but not known how to tell her? They’d moved in together and talked about a future but then, something had altered and they’d started to drift apart. Had that been when he’d met his new girlfriend or had he met her after he’d realised that he didn’t love Erin in the way he’d first believed? One thing was for certain and that was that Erin would never sacrifice who she was or how she lived her life for a man ever again. Any future relationships would be on her terms and with balance because when she’d lost Billy, she’d been bereft, had no one to turn to out in Dubai and so she’d come home to her parents and they’d helped her put the pieces of her life back together again. It had been such a mess. But that was in the past now and she had plenty to look forward to.
Zara lowered her phone and turned to Erin. ‘Did you see anything strange outside last night?’
‘Like what?’
‘Well, when I was getting ready for bed, I thought I heard something, so I looked out the bedroom window and I’m sure I saw a man with a sledge being pulled by a dog.’
Erin snorted. ‘Don’t be daft.’
‘I did. He was riding along the village green, and he was wearing a Santa hat and a red cape.’
Erin giggled. ‘You’re pulling my leg. There wasn’t enough snow for a sledge.’
‘There was some snow on the ground and a hard frost. Anyway, it could have had wheels or been greased along the bottom.’
‘Why would someone be sledging along the green?’
‘I don’t know. Practising for Christmas Eve?’ Zara pouted. ‘It’s perfectly possible.’
‘Yeah, right. I’m sure it is. Exactly how much wine did you have last night with dinner?’
Zara shook her head. ‘Mock me if you will but I definitely saw something. Perhaps he’ll be out again tonight.’
‘I’ll make sure to have a good look in case I spot him.’ Erin winked at her sister and laughed as Zara shrugged.
‘Don’t believe me then.’ Zara waggled her eyebrows. ‘It’s no stranger than you and Leo having a snog.’
‘What?’ Erin sat bolt upright as if her seat had just given her an electric shock.
‘Now you’re alert, right?’ Zara laughed and Erin’s cheeks flushed red hot. ‘It’s OK, sis, your secret’s safe with me. I for one think it’s about time you two got it on anyway.’
‘There’s nothing going on. And yes… keep it to yourself.’ Erin sat back and stared out of the window again but her cheeks were still burning. Zara had seen her and Leo kissing? Had she come into the lounge when they were distracted and not said anything until now? What if one of her parents had seen them? Or Paul or Angelina. They might have thought she was trying to steal their thunder or something along those lines. And she hadn’t been but she’d been lost in the moment, in her feelings and in Leo.
