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Nearly five years ago now, they’d split, but nothing had changed. And God help him, whenever he came to a weekend like this, it was inevitably Ronny who he ended up playing with. Again and again, like he had no control over it. It was like the humiliation of kneeling at his rotten ex’s feet was just another kink that got him off.
At some point, he needed to end that. He might have been masochistic and horny, but he wasn’t stupid.
Or was he?
Ronny reached out to stroke a hand over Jamie’s hair, then plucked his glasses right off his face.
“You look good. But you know you shouldn’t wear these while you’re playing,” he said, inspecting the glasses with a sniff. “Wear your contacts when you play.”
“I have them in my bag,” Jamie replied stiffly, taking the glasses back.
For a moment, Ronny didn’t seem to want to let them go, which would have been typical. He’s always preferred Jamie to be half blind while they played, without contacts or glasses. And there were times when Jamie liked his vision to be taken or compromised. It only added to the feeling that his dom was in control.
But Ronny’s style of domination had always been a little too controlling.
“I hope you have an enjoyable weekend,” he said, not looking at Ronny as he put his glasses back on.
It was meant to be a dismissal, but Ronny laughed and stayed right where he was. “What’s this?” he asked. “Are you turning me down? That’s not like you at all.” He stroked Jamie’s face again.
Jamie jerked away, despite the pull he always felt for Ronny. “This needs to stop,” Jamie said. “We’re done. It’s not healthy for either of us to keep falling back on each other. I’ll admit, it’s my fault for slipping back into old habits and I need to break the cycle, but it takes two people to set boundaries. You need to move on, too.”
Ronny just stood there, as if Jamie’s brave, firm words meant nothing. “We have fun together, Jay,” he said, using the pet name that Jamie had always detested. “You submit so beautifully. And I’m pretty sure I can make you cry. You know you like that. And I care about you. I worry about you, sweetheart.” The genuine touch of emotion almost turned Ronny into a different person.
Almost.
The mess had to stop. Jamie couldn’t keep telling himself “Just one more time” or “It’s just play, not serious”. Something had to change or he’d be right back in the rubbish relationship he’d prided himself on walking away from.
Jamie cleared his throat and stood, though it was awkward with Ronny wedging him against the settee. He was forceful enough to make Ronny step back a little, but the two of them were still far too close for Jamie’s comfort.
“Look, Ronny,” he said, finding it surprisingly easy to hold his own, even though he’d already started slipping into his sub place. “I appreciate that you still care for me, and I will always care about you. But we’re not together anymore. Not like that. I don’t want to play with you again. It’s not good for either of us.”
“We both know that’s a lie,” Ronny said, losing his softness.
“It’s not.” Jamie felt himself slipping, despite his protest. One more weekend couldn’t hurt. He’d shake the dust of Ronny off his feet on Monday, after a weekend spent getting his rocks off in the way only Ronny knew how to deliver.
Ronny seemed to feel his weakness. “You know what you do when you’re left to your own devices,” he purred. “I have to hurt you so you don’t hurt yourself.”
Jamie squeezed his eyes shut. “Years ago. I did that years ago. I haven’t for more than a decade.”
“Jay—”
“You’re my ex for a reason, Ronny.” He opened his eyes, battling to do what he knew was right. Why was it so damn hard? In more ways than one. “I’m…I’m sorry that I gave you the wrong idea by not making the break cleaner. That’s on me. But it’s long past time to stop being ambiguous and call it done.”
“I made you feel things that no one else did,” Ronny growled.
“Yes, you did,” Jamie agreed, which surprised Ronny into taking a step back. “I won’t deny that you’re a very good top,” Jamie went on. It was strange how admitting the truth of his weakness made him feel stronger. Or maybe not strange. That was submission in a nutshell. “You couldn’t leave that in the bedroom. You tried to dominate my life, and that’s not what I want at all.”
“That’s not the way I remember things,” Ronny said with a sly grin, reaching for Jamie’s face. “You needed me. You still do. If you truly didn’t want me anymore, you wouldn’t keep showing up at these weekends and dropping to your knees for me.”
Jamie batted his hand away and held his ground. “I’m not going to stop attending Brotherhood events just because you’re there,” he said. “I’m not dropping something I love or leaving the scene entirely because you’re in it.” That would be giving Ronny even more control than he was already trying to take.
“Pretty words,” Ronny laughed. “I’ll let you get away with them this time…if you remember your manners and say ‘Yes, sir’ like a good boy.” He reached for Jamie again.
Jamie jerked to the side. There was familiarity and then there was harassment. Ronny was walking a very thin line between the two of them. The part of him that wanted the man was still there, but manageable.
Ronny frowned. “Get all this cheek out of your system now. You know I like obedience, not brats.”
“It’s not about being a brat,” Jamie said in a flat voice. Being a brat to his dom was something else that wasn’t his kink at all. “It’s about maintaining my boundaries and knowing what I want and don’t want,” he went on. “And Ronny, I don’t want you.”
