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Aled shook his head. “Dad had only just been diagnosed with Lewy body dementia a few months before. It causes depression, hallucinations, aggression, and severe cognitive decline. Mum did absolutely everything she could to help him and to get him the help he needed. They were always the perfect, loving couple, absolutely devoted to each other.”
He paused for a long time, lost in his memories. Then he took a long drink of his wine and went on.
“Dad said a few times that he didn’t want to leave Mum, that the worst part of the disease was that it was tearing the two of them apart. He…he left a suicide note saying that he wanted them to go together, that he didn’t want to die without her, and that he loved her. None of us realized his dementia had gotten so out of hand so fast, or that he was planning something so….”
Aled gulped, then shook his head. He pulled himself out of his thoughts a little and looked at Jamie.
“How do you continue to love someone who would do something so violent and horrible?” he asked. “And how do you stay angry with someone who loved so hard and so completely?”
“It wasn’t him,” Jamie said, putting his wine aside again and moving back to Aled. He had no intent other than comforting him as he pulled Aled into his arms. “It wasn’t your father, it was his disease. Lewy body dementia robs people of themselves before it takes their life. I’m certain your father would never have even dreamed of doing what he did. It was his brain betraying him.”
Aled nodded and set his glass aside. He wrapped his arms around Jamie and let out a heavy breath as he leaned into him. “I know,” he said. “Believe me, I know. I’ve been in therapy about this for five years, since it happened. We all have.”
“Good,” Jamie said. “Do you feel it helps?”
“Yes,” Aled said, leaning back enough to look Jamie in the eyes. He grinned. “Dating a Psychology professor helps a little, too.”
Jamie met his grin with one of his own, feeling immeasurably proud of Aled’s strength. “And being a strong, controlling, firm-handed dom with a devoted sub helps?”
Aled laughed. “Yes, actually,” he said, the clouds lifting from him a little. He turned serious for a moment to say, “Kit was my mum’s friend from way back. Neither of my parents had siblings, as it happens, so Kit was one of the people who stepped in the most to take care of us until I was able to take over as parent. He’s the one who suggested domming as a way to channel my feelings and feel the control that the trauma had robbed from me. And it worked.”
“You’re an exceptional dom,” Jamie said. “And I’m starting to understand why.”
Aled shrugged one shoulder modestly. “I hear I’m a natural,” he said, then smiled warmly at Jamie.
It was a peaceful, beautiful moment of understanding after a fraught evening. Whatever internal struggle Jamie had wrestled with in getting involved with Aled seemed to melt away. He leaned in and slanted his mouth over Aled’s, kissing him with pride and passion.
Aled relaxed in his arms, kissing him back with steady enthusiasm. Even in a moment of weakness, Aled was all strength and control. He was exceptional in so many ways, and Jamie wanted nothing more than to give him whatever he could.
“Stay the night,” Aled whispered, his voice rich with desire. “We don’t have to anything wild or kinky, I just want to be with you tonight. I want you naked with me in whatever way that means.”
“Yes,” Jamie said, kissing him again. “I’m here for you. I’ll give you whatever you need.Whatever.”
For most people, that would have implied something naughty. But for the two of them, for that night, it meant the exact opposite. Jamie was willing to be as vanilla as Aled wanted, as long as it meant the two of them could wrap themselves up in each other and feel as if they were one.
Maybe it wasn’t so ridiculous to believe the two of them could have something lasting. Maybe they’d each found exactly what they needed in each other.
FOURTEEN
Jamie wasthe calmest person Aled had ever known. As the weeks passed after the evening Jamie had managed to calm Dawn out of her panic attack, Aled had watched the way his boyfriend—and yes, he thought of Jamie that way now, even though they’d sort of tabled that discussion for the moment—interact with people. Both at the university and when Dawn had insisted that Jamie come over for supper, and even stay the night.
The fact that his sister was urging Aled to have a guy overnight was awkward on levels that Aled couldn’t begin to fathom. So even though Jamie had spent the night once or twice in the past few weeks, when the two of them wanted to really go to bed, they spent the night at Jamie’s house.
Which also made Aled nervous. He hated leaving Dawn alone. Even with Jeremy on call in case she had an episode. But Jamie didn’t live that far away, Dawn had been doing so much better since the school year had started and she had something to focus on, and everything in Aled’s life was starting to feel as though it were settling into place after a long storm.
“Everything is so good right now. I’m not sure I trust it,” he texted to Jamie midway through the autumn term as he headed across campus, from the cafeteria where he’d had lunch to his afternoon class. “Seems suspicious.”
“Feeling good can seem wrong after everything you’ve been through,” Jamie texted back before Aled could stick his phone and his cold hands in his coat pockets.
Aled smiled. Of course Jamie would reply to his text immediately. For the last few weeks, unless he’d been in a class, a faculty meeting, or a meeting of the fundraising committee he’d been placed on, Jamie had always been available to him.
In every way. They’d sort of played a few times since finding each other again, if shibari and paddling before sex could really be considered playing. Even when they were just having vanilla sex, though, Jamie had a way of making himself so open and submissive to whatever Aled wanted. It was a mindset more than anything physical that he did.
Jamie had explained it as a headspace that allowed him to relax and let the cares of his world drift away. Aled admired the hell out of his boyfriend—and he was going to keep saying that, in his own head, at least, no matter what anyone thought about it—for being able to turn on and off in any way he wanted just by getting himself in the right mood.
“You make me feel good,” he texted back, grinning at his phone and knowing he probably shouldn’t start sexting his academic advisor while on campus. “You make me feel very good when you’re hogtied and sucking my dick.”
He half expected Jamie to reply with some sort of scolding about inappropriate texts, but instead, Jamie sent him, “I worship your dick. My mouth is yours to fuck, and my hole is nothing but your fucksleeve.”
