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“What the hell did they have you do there for four years?”
“I knit 126 sweaters in knitting therapy.”
She laughs. It’s a guilty sound, like she’s not supposed to find that funny.
“I’m serious! They were insistent on knitting therapy. I finally started to ‘show progress’ when I suggested we knit penguin sweaters for environmentalists to put on penguins under oil slick conditions.”
“That’s a thing?”
“Yeah.”
“Penguin sweaters?” Her voice takes on a slightly hysterical tone.
“Yeah.”
“Like, with little holes for the—the—the flippers?”
“Yeah.” I can’t stop laughing now. We sound like hyenas.
Someone knocks on the door.
“Lindsay? Jane? You okay in there?” It’s Drew.
“Penguin sweaters!” Jane screeches.
“What?” Drew calls back.
“Flipper holes!” I shout.
“They’re not making any sense,” he mutters through the door.
“I observed them drink only one and a half alcoholic drinks, sir,” Silas says back.
“I observed them drink only one and a half alcoholic drinks, sir,” Jane mimics, her voice going high and loud with the effort.
I can’t stop laughing. My sides hurt. This is worse than throwing up. I’m sitting on the floor of a bar bathroom with my face pressed against the scraped bathroom door, the metal cool and rough, and I’m laughing about knitting penguin sweaters as part of my therapy in a mental institution where I lived for four years after being gang raped on live, streaming television.
I double up and laugh some more.
Because, really, what else can I do?
The outer door opens and Jane screams.
“OUT! This is the women’s room.”
“And I’m head of Lindsay’s security detail and need to make sure she’s okay.”
“What’s she going to do in here, Drew?” Jane challenges him. “Hang herself on a tampon string?”
Now I really can’t stop laughing. I hear Silas in the background, coughing to hide a chuckle.
“Fine.” I hear Drew leave and the door close.
“He’s really insistent, isn’t he?” she asks, slowly opening my door. I roll onto the ground and stare up at her.
“He’s my security detail.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t have to be an asshole about it.”
