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“You must be the bad-boy biker Mrs. Patterson warned me to stay away from,” she tells me when we get inside and she starts emptying the apparatus from the box I’ve placed on the counter.
“What gave me away?” I look down at the cut I'm still wearing and inwardly curse myself for not taking it off. I ain't here on club business. I’m here because Carly used to volunteer for this church group and, for some stupid reason, being here makes me feel close to her.
“Well, I’m the helpless girl who got herself in trouble.” She holds out her hand for me to shake and keeps a brave smile on her face.
“What kinda trouble?” I ain’t one for making conversation these days, but the girl seems to have me intrigued. She’s like a breath of fresh air compared to the people we usually get around here.
“It don’t matter.” She shakes her head and laughs when she realizes I haven’t been kept in the loop.
I may help out the church group but I don’t attend any services. The looks I’d get from the congregation would be far too much. I spoke to Carly’s pastor after she died and told him how I wanted to make myself useful to them. Just like Carly always told me, he’s a kind man who doesn’t judge, but I know that won’t stop the rumors floating around through the others. Carly was loved by everyone and I’m sure they all want to know why she ‘took her own life.’.
If this girl has her suspicions of me, she doesn’t show it. We get on with setting everything up, and I manage to put on a front and make the people who arrive feel welcome.
Carly was always shattered when she did a shift at the soup kitchen, and now I know why. I didn’t even know Fountain had so many people that couldn’t afford a decent meal. As the night draws to an end and everyone starts to head off, I can see the young woman I’ve been working with trying her best not to yawn.
“There's a little left if you're hungry?” I hand her a polystyrene cup full of soup and watch her try not to gag. She’s looked pale all night, and that makes me even more curious about what kinda trouble she’s got herself in.
“You okay?” I check.
“Fine.” She holds up her hand, “Just tired. It’s been a long shift.”
“Well, you take care.” I nod and hold my hand up to Jerry who runs the place before I head out to my truck.
Once I’m behind the wheel, I sit back in my seat and take out my wallet, pulling the picture I keep in here of Carly from the sleeve and looking into her eyes. I miss waking up to those eyes every morning. I miss the way they’d widen every time I made her come. The fact that I'll never watch those eyelashes flutter when I say something to make her blush seems too overwhelming to bear.
I have to quickly tuck the photo away when my anger begins to overcome my agony.
Flipping open my glove compartment I check the gun I keep in there is still in its place. Now would be as good a time as any for me to finally go through with it. I’ve thought about those I’d be leaving behind and how it would hurt ‘em. The note’s already written tellin’ ‘em how sorry I am for letting ‘em down. I was gonna drive myself to Pines Peak because it’s pretty up there, but then I thought about the poor, innocent fucker who’d have to live with finding me. Instead, I’ll take myself to Sinnerman’s Quarry. Grimm's the only person who ever goes there, he’d find me eventually and he’s seen enough dead bodies for it not to leave a scar on his soul, it wouldn’t even leave a scratch. That kid’s far too fuckin’ damaged already.
He can get rid of me however he deems best and give Prez my letter. Everything I own will go to Rogue. It ain’t much of a consolation for bailing on her like every other fucker in her life has, but I’ve asked Prez to watch out for her in my letter, and I know he’s too good a man to ignore a dead man’s last request. I got a note for her too, one that tells her I’m sorry and that I couldn’t bear the pain anymore. The thought of her hating me is the only part of this that feels difficult. I already know that pulling the trigger will come with ease.
With that in mind, I start my engine, about to pull away and head for the quarry. Then I see the girl step out the door and into the darkness. She pulls the collar of the threadbare coat she’s wearing up around her ears as she walks outta the parking lot and onto the main road. I follow my instinct and steadily drive up beside her, winding down my window and creeping along the sidewalk.
“You need a ride?” I check.
“I’m good, I’m only a few blocks away.” She smiles.
“It ain’t the nicest of neighborhoods, add to that the fact it’s freezing. Hop on in, let me take ya home.” I reach across the seat and pop the door open for her.
“Honestly, I’m fine.” She shakes her head.
“Been listenin’ to Mrs. Patterson’s warnings, I see? Too scared of the bad-boy biker?” I raise my eyebrows at her.
“Somehow, I don’t think the worst of them hang out at soup kitchens, volunteering.” She looks back at me judgingly.
“Ya got me. I’m tryin’ to get some brownie points in the hope I can make it into Heaven. Gettin’ you home safe could be my second good deed of the day.”
“Well, for the sake of your soul…” She rolls her eyes, before hopping inside and closing the door.
“Where to?” I ask, trying to understand why her accepting my offer has me so relieved.
“My apartment’s on Leamington Street.” She bites her lip awkwardly.
“Leamington Street?” I check I’ve heard her right. The club has made a few busts there in the past. It ain't the kinda place a girl like her should be passing through, let alone livin’ in.
“And your folks don’t mind you walkin’ home this late?” I check.
“I don’t live with my folks.” She keeps her eyes focused on what's in front of her.
