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Something unreadable crossed Lola’s face. As if part of her wanted to say yes and the other part wanted to ask whether she played lifeguard on the side. After a beat, Lola nodded.
Carmen positioned herself behind Lola, cool water curving around her as she moved. With one hand supporting the small of her back, Carmen kissed the top of Lola’s shoulder. Holding her close, she silently promised never to lose her trust.
In her arms, Lola stiffened. Her nerves replicated over her body.
“Just relax,” Carmen whispered, lips grazing the side of Lola’s neck. “Lean back. I’ve got you.”
Hesitantly, Lola allowed her body to recline into Carmen’s waiting arms. When she’d finally given her all her weight, Carmen slid her other hand under Lola’s shoulders, buoying her up as she shifted to standing at her side.
“Now stretch out your arms and legs,” Carmen instructed gently.
Lola extended her limbs, surrendering control with a long, deep breath that sounded like it had been trapped in there for a lifetime. It only took seconds for the tension to leave Lola’s muscles as she finally yielded to trust.
Lola’s dark hair fanned out around her, the ends flirting with the water’s surface. Her body floated effortlessly, cradled by Carmen’s steady hands. Eyes closed, she continued breathing deeply, sinking into the sensation.
Carmen felt the display of trust all the way to her bone marrow. The sight of Lola’s strong frame suspended delicately on the surface was the most beautiful love letter she’d ever received.
“You could break me if you wanted,” Lola said without opening her eyes, voice too soft for the words she was using. “You could absolutely wreck me.”
Even now, Lola was always anticipating the kick to the ribs. Expecting an attack when no one else could fear danger. Worrying that Carmen was a dagger hidden in the dark, when all she wanted to be was her shield.
“You’re safe with me,” Carmen vowed with the moon and all her ancient secrets as a witness.
Lola’s eyes eased open, her body still relaxed enough to float on its own, but Carmen didn’t dare let go. There would be time for Lola to do it for herself. She’d been doing everything for herself too long as it was.
“Why?” Lola asked like she needed to understand love itself. Needed to understand how it was shaped. How the pieces fit together to make the thing move. Like she’d never learned the concept of having faith in things she couldn’t see.
Keeping her grip on Lola, Carmen turned her in her arms until she was back on her own two feet. Locking her in her gaze, Carmen smiled.
“I’ll remind you every single day if you need me to,” Carmen promised, hands cradling Lola’s jaw, holding her in place. “You never have to brace for impact when you’re with me. I see you. I want you. Exactly as you are, not in spite of it.”
Lola’s glossy eyes reflected the light shimmering over the pool. “You’ll get sick of—”
“I won’t—”
“How can you possibly know that?” Lola’s expression folded into something like pleading. “You don’t know how you’ll feel in the future. How fucked up my—”
“We’re only at the beginning. You don’t have to fear the end. I choose you. Today and tomorrow. Of course we don’t know the future, but I promise you that no matter what happens, I will never use anything you give me against you. I’ll never do anything to hurt you.” She slid her hand over Lola’s chest. “You’re precious and I’ll never stop treating you like it.”
“The way you look at me,” Lola whispered as she leaned in close to her lips. “I’ve never…” she struggled to find the words, “felt so wanted.”
“You are. Always,” Carmen promised before Lola’s mouth was on hers.
CHAPTER53
Lola should have takenCarmen inside, but only managed to get as far as a reclined chaise lounge. Instead of laying Carmen’s naked body on it, Lola laid on the stiff white material of the outdoor cushion and pulled Carmen on top of her.
If she’d spoken another word in response to Carmen’s confession in the pool, Lola wouldn’t have been able to hold back. Every emotion she’d ever had combined with new ones she didn’t know were possible. They were a swirling mass of energy in her chest, and Lola knew enough to know it was too soon to let them out.
Carmen had promised her safety and empathy, things more valuable and rare than love, but Lola finally understood that Carmen didn’t see her kindness and generosity as anything remarkable. She gave it away just because she cared, and Lola had allowed herself to accept it because she was falling in love.
But she could channel her emotions into her touch, Lola realized. She could show Carmen everything she felt, pour herself so completely into her, and Carmen was a bottomless vessel for everything she gave. She took Lola’s offerings greedily — accommodating her, matching her, begging for more.
Straddling Lola’s hips, Carmen sat up as if she knew the moon was at her back. Like she wanted to look majestic while she rocked her hips slowly and guided Lola’s hands over her chest. Lola ran her fingertips over the tiny freckles scattered over Carmen’s chest. She could trace them from memory, constellations telling the story too fantastical to believe.
Lola sat up, hooking Carmen’s legs around her waist and wrapping her arms around her body, holding her the way someone might cling to a rope for rescue. She kissed the center of her chest, wishing she could feel her heart beating against her lips.
Carmen’s fingers were in her hair, nails scraping her scalp, body pressing against her as she sighed and whispered and held her close. Carmen was clinging, too. Holding her tight like she was afraid Lola might slip through her fingers. But Lola knew then that she would never let her go. That she belonged to Carmen so completely, it would never be her idea to part.
