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“What was I supposed to do? I’ve rehashed the scenario over and over and still don’t see another way it could’ve played out.”
Anxious energy courses through me, and I can no longer sit still in this chair. I stand, pacing in front of him as I once again scrutinize my own actions.
“The situation with Arlene and Otis was at a tipping point. They could’ve easily become dangerous at any moment,” I say, waving my beer at him. “People like them can’t be trusted, and someone had to step in. Someone had to shut them down. If not me, then who?”
“I get it.” He’s way too fucking calm for my liking. “You saw a threat and felt the need to act. But how did Lacy want you to handle it?”
The adrenaline fades, leaving me breathless and a little unsteady on my feet. A light wave of nausea hits as I lumber to my chair, crashing back into it like a deflated balloon.
God, I really did fuck this all up.
“She asked me to leave it alone.” The words are bitter ashes on my tongue. “Said she wanted to handle them on her own.”
Mack only nods, his gaze still focused on the shoveled pile of snow in front of us.
The sick feeling lingers, but without an obvious remedy, I guzzle back the beer instead. Maybe I can get drunk enough to forget about it. Or maybe the cloud of alcohol will bring an unorthodox solution.
Or maybe I’m just fooling myself and have been all along.
“What if I’m not good enough for them?” The words tumble out—embarrassing and hopeless sounding, yet true. “What if Lacy and the baby are better off without me?”
Mack turns to me now, his brows pinched together and mouth drawn down. “Why would you ever think that?”
“Well, look at what I’ve done.”
“Sure, you can be a cruel son of a bitch when the situation warrants, and you’ve allowed your mother to influence your decisions a time or two too many.” With his shoulders squared and voice firm, Mack’s usual teddy bear persona seems a bit more grizzly-like.
“And you’re a stubborn jerk most of the time. Maybe all the time. But it’s hard to believe you’d ever intentionally harm either one of them.”
“Hell no, I wouldn’t.” He might be my best friend, but he’s lucky I don’t punch him out for even suggesting such a thing. “All I wanted was to protect them.”
He nods again, that damn bobble of his head aggravating as shit. “Because?”
“Why the hell do you think?”Infuriating bastard.
“Why don’t you just pretend I don’t already know the answer and give it to me straight?”
“Because they’re the most important people in my life. ’Cause I love them. I love Lacy and a kid I haven’t even met yet. And I’d do anything for them. I’d fucking die for them, Mack.”
The asshole smiles. “Yeah, man, I know.”
“You do?” I choke, not on my admission, but on the overwhelming feeling of purpose it gives me.
“It’s obvious. You’ve been devoted to her from the moment you first uttered her damn name to me. But does she know it?”
My throat tightens further. “I have no idea. I mean…I bought her a house.”
“A house doesn’t sayI love you.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should’ve told her.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Because I didn’t want to give up control. Didn’t want to make myself vulnerable. Didn’t want to risk getting hurt and losing it all.
Fuck.
“Okay, so I tell her. But what if it’s still too little, too late? How the hell am I going to convince her to take me back?”
