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Hey, Mom,” I say, standingover the stove when she walks in.
“Hey, honey. How was your day?”
“It was the same old same. Going according to plan, until you called to tell me you weren’t going to be able to pick up Jacob.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I got stuck across town. I called you as soon as I knew I wasn’t going to make it. Did Sam give you a hard time for taking off early from your shift?”
“No.”
“If he did, you just let me have a talk with him. He knows you’re always on time. Never out sick—”
“Mom, you know Sam better than that. He’s always on me to take a day off and enjoy myself. But like I tell him, what would I do with a day off by myself, especially now that Jacob’s in school full time?”
“You know he’s right. You work too much.”
“Mom—”
“I just want to see you happy. Living the life you deserve. You, Jacob, and I don’t know…maybe someone he could look up to.”
“I’m happy enough. Jacob has us: me, you, and Shay. The McQueen women. If he needs someone to look up to, he has Shay. She can handle that part of his life for a few more years.”
“If you say so. What went wrong with your day, if Sam wasn’t upset about you leaving early?”
“I saw someone today. Someone I wasn’t expecting to ever see again. It shook me to the point of tears, but Jacob was with me, so I had to pull it together. Six years was gone in a flash..” Seeing him transported me to a place and time I love as much as hate.
The deep etch of worry crinkles around her eyes. I quickly reassure her, meeting her eyes, holding her hand firmly in mine. “No, not that time yet. When it is, we’ll deal with it. I’m stronger.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, where it sinks to the pit of my stomach at just the thought of when that day comes. Each day that passes, it looms closer and closer. I close my eyes to once again take that breath of strength then count to three and exhale. When I open my eyes, she’s looking at me.
She smiles this time, taking my hands. Her words are laced with sincerity. “You have become a strong, capable woman. I’m profoundly proud to call my daughter; you have met every challenge you have been given.”
I blink back a tear and smile, so she knows I’m good. “Thank you. You said what I needed to hear at just the right time. Now stop. Don’t you shed one tear. We will not go back there. Not without a fight.” She agrees, and I brush away her wayward tear.
“What happened to make your day change from good to—”
“Landon. Landon Jessup.”
She stops what she’s doing, and her mouth opens, but no words slip out. Her eyes fly to mine with no small amount of shock and awe.
“Believe me, my reaction was similar to yours. I froze. Spaced out for an awkward length of time before I could pull myself together enough to at least say hello.”
“My God in heaven, how? Why?”
“His son. You know the little boy, the new best friend Jacob has been nonstop over the moon talking about since the first day he started school?”
“Yes,” she snaps, deciding I’m not explaining fast enough for her curious, overworking mind. “Dear, I’m sorry, but please. I know the little boy. I’ve met him a few times when I was picking up Jacob. Now please get on with the story.”
“I am, but you’re not getting it. Connect the dots, Mom. Jacob’s new best friend is Jackson Jessup. Yes! Landon Jessup’s son.” I nod slowly at her shocked face, still not believing it myself. I see her making the move to comfort me, but I stop her. “No, I’m okay now. After the initial shock of seeing him, and finding out our sons are now the best of friends in this Greek tragedy, I’ve accepted it.”
“Are you sure you’re fine with this? He was a big part of your life, and you know—I don’t know, sweetheart? Are you sure?” she says, doubting my stability and peace of mind at this very minute.
Worrying over me is something she hasn’t done recently. Since I’ve regained control over my life and took back what was mine, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. I have learned to worry about the things only I can control and stop living in the past. She’s afraid I’ll regress, fall back into a depression my mind won’t let me overcome. Which is not surprising, since it’s been a long time since I had to look that past in the face. You can call this the first step, but it’s not the ultimate issue I’ll eventually have to face. When that day comes, it will require every ounce of courage and strength I’ve gathered to claw my way back and survive, not just for me, but for Jacob.
Victim. I am not.
Honesty, and being upfront with all my feelings, for her not to worry, is what’s needed now.
