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Landon and I speak onthe phone day and night. I have a permanent smile on my face. It’s because of him. Jacob is just as happy. He loves it when Landon stops by. He and Landon play ball; he says he’s catching him up for when he takes him and Jackson to the next baseball game. He wants his boys to be the best, or at least give it their best try. He melts my heart each time he says his boys. Like Jacob is his, and there’s no difference between him and Jackson. Every time, I fall deeper and deeper in love. Then I have to catch myself before I blurt it out.
I think this is what our lives could have been. And I’m going to soak up all of this newfound happiness for as long as it lasts. Then I think the only thing that could make this better was if he wasn’t married. That’s not the reality, though. I’m reminded of this every time Shay comes over and sees him with us. My mom...she hasn’t said much in the way of dissuading our new, budding relationship, but I know what the look says.
He’s still not yours. He’s someone else’s.No amount of pretending everything is as you want it will make it so. At the end of the day, there is still a house, with a wife in it, that he returns to.
The words reverberate around my head at the end of each night after he kisses me goodnight, and it’s not enough.
“Hey, Mom?”
“Yeah, baby?” I throw the carrots into the steamer, wipe my hand on my apron and lean on the counter next to him.
“I don’t want to go to the father-son game with Aunt Shay. She’s a girl. All the other kids are going to have their dads.”
I should have told him sooner. I really did forget to tell him about Landon’s offer to take him. It’s been on his mind since it was announced. He was worried the other kids would make fun of him. Pitfalls of single parenting, learning how to navigate these minefields.
I kiss his forehead and put my arms around him. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But if you do, Landon said he’d be happy to take you and Jackson.”
Instantly his little face changes from you-kicked-my-dog to the-best-thing-just-happened. “Really, Mom, he wants to take me? Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to go! I want to go!” He turns in the chair, almost knocking me off balance, he’s so happy. Which of course makes me equally as happy.
“Of course ! I already said yes.”
“You’re the best mommy ever. I love you.”
“I love you.” My baby. Nothing like making your kid happy with the help of someone special. “Remember this when it’s time to eat your vegetables.”
“I’ll eat anything. Even shrunken alien heads you said you weren’t going to make any more. So I’m not worried.”
“Oh, really?” I laugh. This kid.
The next day that Landon comes over, he teaches him how to pop a wheelie on his bike. A shock to me. Not a good one, either.
“Mom, look at what Landon taught me!” He rides past me and the front wheel of his bike lifts up. My mouth hangs open with my heart as I yell for him to stop, and he’s laughing with glee.
“Let him ride, baby. He’s having fun. He’s over-padded as is. He could be a marshmallow.”
“Landon, why would you teach him that? It’s dangerous. Even with all the padding.” I scowl.
Seeing I’m about to take flight after my son, he grabs me about the waist, my back pressed against him. “I know it’s hard for mothers, but you have to let up some. Let him be a boy. This is what they do—blow off steam, have fun. Look at him. He’s having a blast. Jackson’s been doing this since he was four. Let him be; he’ll be fine.”
“It’s hard.” Considering his words, I lean against him. “He’s my baby. I don’t want him to get hurt.”
He kisses me on the temple, and I hold his hand against my stomach. “I know, but he’ll get hurt, and he’ll get back up. Life lessons in perseverance.”
“You’re smart.”
“I know. Was there ever a doubt?” My lips move, and he quickly says, “Don’t answer that.” He lands a kiss on my lips, holding my face to deepen it.
“Landon, we‘re outside,” I hiss. “Jacob might see us.”
“I’m sure he knows I’m into his mom, a lot.”
“Yeah, but he’s never seen us kiss like this.”
He spins me in his arms. “I want the boys to know we’re together. We are not doing anything wrong. Let’s not make it seem like we are by hiding our feelings when they’re around. Let your neighbors or whoever look at what happiness is for us— report back to Bree, your mother, and whoever else.”
I nod in agreement, happy to be with him and to feel him around me. I know he’s right. We shouldn’t make it seem like a secret to the boys, if we’re going to be together and make this work. Might as well continue on now. “Kiss me.”
“Absolutely.” He kisses me deep and slow, and I melt further into his arms. “Lacey baby, I need to be with you. It’s been so long. All this sneaking around stealing kisses and touching is driving me crazy.”
